How to Run the Fuck--Top 10 Tips  

bipolybabe 56F
10715 posts
4/13/2006 11:00 pm

Last Read:
3/1/2009 9:45 am

How to Run the Fuck--Top 10 Tips

WTF do you mean by “Run the Fuck”?

Well, everyone has to have sex a first time, right? Even if you’re going to fall madly in love with the first person who kisses you, you’ll need to have sex a first, second, maybe a third time, before you start to get comfortable and really “get into” one another. This is written with women in mind with the goal of helping them to know how to do it those first few times and increase the likelihood that you’ll both have a good time.

As a daughter of the sex goddess Aphrodite, I’m a bold sexual adventuress at heart. Plus, because I want to know what to do and what not to do, I’ve selflessly devoted myself to fucking around so that I could share with you what I, as a 40-year-old teenager, have learned. I'm still learning and refining my approach. This is the first draft.

While I may seem to have a cavalier attitude toward sex, in fact, I have learned through experience that casual sex, by that I mean sex with virtual strangers, pretty much sucks for me. I want to know who the person is before I open my legs. I want to know that he’s a man who cares about my pleasure and that he likes me enough to want to see me again. I don’t care to be a notch on anyone’s bedpost. The sex tends to be unsatisfying with men who are concerned about scoring. Life is too short for bad sex. Bad sex, in my opinion, is any kind of sexual experience that makes you feel bad or unsatisfied–in any way--before, during or after. (See [post 294366].)

This section on “How to Run the Fuck” is designed to help you avoid bad sexual experiences. (If you’re looking for a partner, see Using AFF to Get Great Sex. I find AdultFriendFinder does work very well for me, a woman who would like to have great sex, and, preferably, a lot of it.)

You may also want to read the tips on
Getting to Yes Part One
Getting to Yes Part Two which detail a process that helps women feel safe and comfortable providing sex, including casual sex.

Here's what to do in advance of a sex date.

1) Gather enough info to assure your pleasure and safety.

It’s helpful to know where he works. If he can’t or won’t reveal that, forget him. He’s hiding something. Then, call his work number to verify that he does work there. It’s helpful to ask what his past girlfriends or wives would say about him. It’s helpful to know what he’s really looking for in a relationship. Of course, most men are smart enough to regurgitate back to you what you said you’re looking for, so what he says isn’t a particularly clear indicator. I watch for clues about his willingness to respect your boundaries. I never want to be pushed into going any further than I feel like going at any moment. How can you assess this? Careful observation of whether he presses himself on you or waits for you to lead and to indicate what you feel comfortable with. I like men who let me throw myself at them and then happily catch me but who don’t push me.

And, how do you know if he’s going to be a good fuck?

“It’s in his kiss.” (I meet and kiss in public in daylight then decide if I want to go forward as described in )Also, does he show a level of sensuality, like nuzzling or nibbling your neck, stroking your arms? Or, does he just go for grabbing your boobs or sticking his hand in your crotch? That typically indicates that he wants to score and will be interested in getting his and getting out. I like to press my body against his before we’re in a place with the possibility of intercourse, because I only want to be in those private situations with someone who makes me feel safe and comfortable and who will be interested in giving me pleasure.

2) Set the Terms of Engagement up front before either of you has your clothes off.

I’ve found that men are pretty much willing to agree to anything in hopes of being able to get next to a naked body. Take advantage of that fact and define in advance what you want. This is why it’s important to know what your body likes so you can ask for it. It’s also a good idea to set a time limit for the first couple times so there are no hurt feelings when you ask him to leave. I think two or two and a half hours is a good amount of time to set.

Last night, I met with a new partner for the first time to practice Tantric sex together. In advance, I suggested that we do an “attunement” to tune into one another’s bodies and invoke sacred spiritual energy, try some “energy work” to synchronize our chakras, plan to massage one another, including erotic, genital massage. I said I would teach him how to do G-spot massage as I’m a big fan of it. And, that we’d see how things went, that I wasn’t sure if I’d feel like having intercourse or not. I love being naked with men. I love men’s bodies and their penises, especially. I’m fascinated with watching them rise and fall, love taking them in my mouth. Oh, yeah, so I wanted to be naked but wasn’t sure if I’d want intercourse. I don’t always. It feels like something special that I only want to do with someone who is really present with me. Having had experiences where I felt as if I served as a warm, wet hole to assist with the guy’s masturbation was enough to put me off casual sex and, especially, opening my legs for intercourse for quite some time. I felt like I wasn’t even there for him. I vacated my body, and that really wasn’t okay for me.

That’s why deciding in advance what I’d like is important for me. Then, my partner and I can always agree to modify our agreement and do what we feel like doing, but there are no misunderstandings and I don’t have to feel guilty about saying “no” to some things I don’t feel comfortable doing.

3) Determine your boundaries in advance and speak them. Out loud.

I have decided that I don’t always want to have intercourse the first time I play with a new partner. I also hereby declare, stealing from my mentor The Queen of All Sexual Knowledge, that I don’t suck cock to make it hard. I only do it if it gives me pleasure to do so. I also ask that you not come in my mouth for safe sex reasons. I also don’t take responsibility for your ejaculation. If you want to come, you can take yourself in hand and come on my intact skin, on my breasts or belly, not on my face and not on my yoni. Again, this is a safe sex practice. I am happy to give and receive pleasure. Neither of us should feel compelled to do something we’re not comfortable doing. You are welcome to steal these boundaries. The Queen would like you to do so.

4) How can I transition from “Do you have any siblings?” to “Clothes off. Now!”

This one can be tricky, especially if you’re trying to pretend that you’re a nice girl and not just interested in his body. So, go ahead and talk all night if you must, but here’s what I’d do. Set up the meeting in a dark place if you know this a guy whose body you want to see naked, preferably a seedy bar or dark coffeehouse where all kinds of necking and groping is de riguer. I live in a beach town, which provides a perfect romantic pretext for all kinds of groping. I prefer broad daylight for my first encounters, so I meet during the day. We just stroll along the beach, kiss a little, get fired up and then, I can innocently suggest that we head to my house to look at my etchings. Of course, I may need to buy some etchings sometime.

5) Tantra instead of etchings

Now, I've discovered that offering to show a couple Tantric sex tricks is a good opening gambit. Tantra is great because it is about connection, looking one another in the eye and feeling an energetic connection. I've discovered that showing a man how to start in the yabyum position while we're fully clothed is a great way to begin because we can kiss, feel our bodies connect, speak our attraction to one another and look in one another's eyes from time to time. (For how to do yabyum, see TantraSlut Lesson 1 Starting in Yabyum.)

You are welcome to say that you are experimenting with a new approach and that you will need to report back to AskAphrodite to let her know how it goes for you. Most guys are kind of intrigued by experimenting, and yabyum fully clothed is less challenging than a lot of things.

6) Fuck the first time without mind-altering substances.

Just like meeting for the first time, when you decide you want to have sex for the first time, you’ll like yourself better in the morning if you were in your right mind when you tried it. Again, if you need to be fucked up to fuck, don’t do it.

7) Have the uncomfortable safer sex talk before you take your clothes off.

Even after I’ve “come out of the closet” about having genital herpes, it doesn’t make it any easier. What makes it easier is practice, practice, practice in asking:

Do you have HIV, AIDS or any other sexually-transmitted disease?
Do you have any reason to believe you might?
Do you engage in any higher risk (for HIV) activities like anal sex with men or intravenous drug use?
How many partners have you had in the last year?
Have you ever been tested? When? Why? What was the result?

Then, don’t believe him until you actually know him. Same for women. We’ll all lie when we’re horny. Use condoms to be safer. It’s still not absolutely safe, but it is safer.

In my case, because I do have genital herpes, a sexually-transmitted disease (though not a dangerous or life-threatening one), I also ask this question:

How concerned are you about the risk of my transmitting the herpes virus to you?

Then, if he hasn’t read Safer Sex Tips for Preventing Herpes, I tell him what I know about preventing transmission, and we agree on a level of safety that feels comfortable to both of us. And I do my best to stick to it, even in the heat of passion. But, I acknowledge that I am not perfect and sometimes passion and desire make me want a naked penis inside me. I tell you, there’s really no sensation better than skin on skin. So, for that reason, I am selective about to whom I open my body. We all have to calculate the risk/benefit ratio and decide what risks we’re willing to take for passion and pleasure. For the most part, I honor my commitment to safer sex and am the Queen of Condoms. I’ve got a dozen, in different sizes, available at all times and tons of lube because condoms without enough lube are the worst thing in the world. I prefer silicone lube, because it isn’t absorbed into the body, inside the condom and outside to assure a pleasant level of lubrication. For some reason, condoms tend to make me dry right up. Maybe it’s my body’s way of “just saying no” to casual sex.

Set up your space in advance

Here are some things you will want to have set up in advance so that they’ll be easily accessible. If you’re worried about looking like a slut because you’ve got everything at hand, get over it. You look worse if you have to run around like a loony getting everything together at the last minute. In fact, I’ve created my own Sexual Safari Kit in a safari bag so I can travel for sex easily, too.

Drinking water–If you’re doing it right and long enough, you’re going to get thirsty
Mood music–I love my new iPod. I’ve got song playlists for slow, soft fucking and hard-driving rock ‘n roll and also the popular “Go fuck yourself. I’ve got PMS” playlist. Actually, it’s when I feel like the last one that I most need sex!
Candles–yes, I listed candles again. I really like them!
Lube, lube and more lube
Massage oil
Sex toys (optional): Means you have to own some, know which ones you like and be willing to trot them out. I don’t usually pull out my crates of sex toys on the first couple dates. It tends to kind of bugger their eyes! And might make them run like crazy.
Altar (optional): I like to have a little altar and invoke the Goddess of Good Fucking, but it’s up to you whether you want to or not.
Food–You may want to have some quick finger foods in the fridge ready for a quick pick-me-up. A little protein, some veggies and dip, a couple pieces of chocolate and you’re back to it. Of course, if you have enough time, going out to eat in the middle of a fuckfest can be a fine way to break up the action and breathe fresh air and build up some desire to see one another naked again.

Now, in the moment, here are a couple tips:

9) Ask permission before you invade anyone’s space or body.

This goes for women, too. I ask permission before touching or sucking on a woman’s breasts. I ask permission before I take his cock in my mouth or stick my finger up his ass. It’s just respectful of the fact that it’s his body and his choice about how he wants you to touch, stroke or kiss it.

10) Don’t try any “trick” sex the first couple times.

By “trick sex” I mean the stuff like BDS&M, role playing, anal sex and the like. If you’ve got a main fetish and you won’t be satisfied unless you know he is up to satisfying that desire, then go for it. While I am entirely sexpositive and embrace any way that consenting adults get pleasure together, I don’t have a lot of kinks myself. I like to be fully present to sensation in my own body, embrace the other human being, see him clearly, get to know him, know his body and have him learn mine without distractions. And, then when we know one another, I’m happy to experiment. In fact, experimenting and playing with sex is the only way I know to keep that fire between a couple vital and alive. Again, these “rules” for running the fuck are only suggestions about how to make those first-time encounters work for a woman and, ideally, her partner.

It’s really all about being wise enough to know what you like, self confident enough to know you deserve pleasure and powerful enough to speak your own needs and desires. If you don’t have these three things, don’t have sex because it will NOT be satisfying for you. I am speaking from experience here, and my desire is to have you enjoy sex fully for the whole of your life and to avoid bad experiences or even just annoying ones that damage your sexual power and energy.

You see, I believe that bad sex is stored on a cellular memory in our yonis (pussies). And, it takes a lot of work to release that bad shit.

So, run the fuck and create only good memories.

(c) 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

ProtonicMan 49M

4/18/2006 8:01 pm

BiPoly, I know you wrote this for women in mind, but I think it is fabulous advice for anyone getting started in a new physical relationship. Thank you for sharing this.


lovelylassie36ff 46F
20 posts
8/2/2006 6:14 am

Fabulous piece of writing thanks and so true...

Professor6959 58M
3 posts
8/2/2006 3:15 pm

Fabulous essay. Thanks

rm_B_O_H_I_C_A 54M
342 posts
8/21/2006 3:33 am

Simple and succinct ... very good.

LTsGirl915 35F

9/5/2006 10:35 am

Excellent post!!

bipolybabe replies on 9/5/2006 12:53 pm:
Thanks! Did you get my email? I called the buggers last night again, and they said the thing had been fixed now.


rm_stageone2000 46M

9/9/2006 6:24 pm

another great blog

JaggyKiltsDrain 45M
45 posts
9/16/2006 11:38 pm

Another great post.

man_from_africa 45M

10/20/2006 1:51 am

Been watching your blog from a distance...
Wonderful, Wonderful piece of writing...
Tantric sex tricks - now thats something I would like to try..

bipolybabe replies on 10/20/2006 10:47 pm:
Thank you.

May I be just a bit of a lusty wench and say that you have a lovely ass.

I am sure you are a fine and intelligent man, but I can hardly get past the picture of your beautiful ass.

I wish it were nearer.


rm_AnnabelFem19 51F

10/20/2006 5:51 pm

Excellent article, very good advice and also reflects what a great person you are .. makes me proud to be reminded I'm an aphrodite, tantric woman myself!

bipolybabe replies on 10/20/2006 10:46 pm:
Thank you.

We are all daughters of Aphrodite, and I believe that Tantra is the way that we will all make love when men and women finally get it together!


ella1966 51F
1528 posts
11/14/2006 4:52 pm

BPB, the only part I would disagree with you on is the following:-

"Gather enough info to assure your pleasure and safety.

Itís helpful to know where he works. If he canít or wonít reveal that, forget him. Heís hiding something. Then, call his work number to verify that he does work there. Itís helpful to ask what his past girlfriends or wives would say about him."

For various reasons....firstly, I did this for a man who I never even met who lives overseas and who I met on this site and did I get my fingers burnt!!! Secondly, it is not so much that they are hiding something, but what if they think you will stalk them later? (as was kinda implied with me?) Thirdly, you may not even like the look of them, so why do all this research when you may not even want to see them?

As for asking ex-wives or girlfriends about them, O.K., I guess if they are interested in you that is something, but I know it backfired on me, because the person I was interested in, wasn't interested in me and even so, do you really expect - as the woman who he had been with said - that a woman is going to betray the confidences of a man she has had sex with, with a total stranger? Methinks not, but maybe that is an American thing to do, a cultural thing that would be considered strange for a British or Australian person to do ???

I always get the gut feeling with you when I post on your blog, that you don't like me very much BPB for various reasons and that is fine, as that is how life is with people and I am a 'gut feeling- type person', but I do enjoy your writing, but had to point this out as being something that is always not the wisest thing to do at first when meeting fact it could even been considered to be downright stalking!!!

rm_pearlstory06 53M
179 posts
12/5/2006 2:58 am

hi, good to read such things. do u hv also suggestions for me. If any, do write.

IMJP37 55M

2/2/2007 2:07 pm

"We’ll all lie when we’re horny"
totally true, only men will lie faster, bigger and more often when horney.

cuddleandstroke 105M

3/3/2007 7:51 am

like the idea of yr "fuck altar!" to invoke the Goddess of Good Fucking - u don;y have a piccy?

keep enjoying life..

soaplover 41M

4/11/2007 2:09 am

Fantastic post

patriot205 45M
186 posts
4/12/2007 11:40 am

Thanks for the tips dear.

Riggertoo 51M

6/17/2007 11:44 am

truly hoping there is no bad blood between yourself and ella1966 I have to agree that if a male were to do that he would quite likely end up in jail! or at least still single that night if she/they/he/it/them found out... I think... but then again I personally have no problem with anyone knowing who I am and i only have a (very)few secrets that would cause me issues... and I also agee that I love your writing; in fact this will be my last respondse cause i'm gonna be late if i dont get going soon..

Peace & Lust Be with You All
PS: please check out my blog riggertoo
I Hope you'll like it

The Only Stupid Question is the Unasked Question.

bipolybabe replies on 7/26/2007 8:10 am:
No bad blood between ella1966 and me, as far as I know.

And I haven't yet gotten to ask questions of any "exes," to see if he's really as nice a guy as he says.

But, I still think it's a good idea.



6/23/2009 4:59 pm

Very insightfull information BPB hun .


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