Remembering A Past Flame  

bigandtallreturn 38M
1538 posts
2/15/2006 9:49 pm

Last Read:
2/16/2008 9:30 pm

Remembering A Past Flame

It was all only 3 years ago. Sometimes, it seems like a lifetime ago. Other times, it seems like yesterday.

While looking through old pictures tonight, I came across one of my very first girlfriend, the one who actually introduced me to things like dating, cooking dinner for your date, and seeing a naked girl live and in color. And yes, she also introduced me to sex, although I had to cajole her into it. (Looking back, it was probably the wrong move, but what can I say? I was desperate to get laid.)

Sometimes I wonder what she's doing now. She was a med student, and graduated a year and a half ahead of me. She's probably a nurse somewhere, taking care of the terminally ill (which was her passion). I wonder if she's happy. I wonder if she thinks about me sometimes. I wonder if she ever regrets breaking off our relationship.

We only dated 3 1/2 months before she inexplicably called it off. She didn't think the relationship was going anywhere. I disagreed, and told her that, but it was no use. She had dumped me, and that was that. I took it hard, too. I didn't eat for a solid 3 days. I didn't sleep well, either. Considering how long it had taken me to get that first GF (23 years, 6 months), I was sure it would be a long time before I had another one. (Sadly, how right I was.) One night, I got so depressed I e-mailed her and told her how much I missed her and begged to get back together. Her reply was a flat, cold "No," followed by the 4 words that would just deflate me like a balloon: "I'm seeing someone else." Forget it, I was down and out. If I was depressed before, you can imagine how I was after THAT.

But eventually, I got over it. Time heals all wounds. I saw other girls. I stopped having dreams with her in them. I moved on. But while picking up the pieces, I asked a lot of questions to myself: What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Did I make a mistake in trying to consummate our relationship? Should I have held off? Am I just that much of a loser? Was 3 1/2 months all I was good for? (I tend to be my own worst critic.) It's funny, after intercourse, I once told my Adult Friend that I don't take this for granted, that I always appreciate every moment of a tender touch I can get. And it all stems from that first relationship. I got content during my first relationship. I took it for granted. Then I lost it all. I won't make that mistake again.

Did I love her? I really don't know. I'm not sure if I know what love is. Maybe it was love; I never reacted to the end of my other relationships like that, not even close. I still get a little sad thinking about how it ended. So maybe it was. I'll let those more well versed in the ways of love than I am to be the judge.

But looking at that photograph, all those memories came back. That first date. The first time we made out. The first time she let me see her breasts. (Have I mentioned I have a huge breast fetish?) The first time she let me finger her into orgasm. The first time we had sex. The morning after. And yes, even the end.

Then I smiled, and put that picture back.

I wonder what she's doing now.

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen

PassionKisses4Me 45F

2/16/2006 11:20 am

*hugs and kisses to you*


bigandtallreturn 38M

2/16/2006 3:04 pm

Thanks, Becky. You are a true friend.

Mz, without memories, moving on would be a lot easier sometimes. It's rememberance that trips us up, I'm convinced.

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen

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