Reality TV Shows America Would Love  

bigandtallreturn 38M
1538 posts
8/9/2006 8:08 pm

Last Read:
8/12/2006 4:18 am

Reality TV Shows America Would Love


As those who know me will tell you, I HATE reality TV. To me, it's just lazy programming, and an admittance that good, quality programming is sadly becoming more and more a thing of the past. I find it somewhat sickening that shows like Date My Mom and America's Next Top Model are still on the air while Arrested Development is not, but I've come to terms with the reality TV craze a long time ago.

The funny thing is, I thought back in 2000, when Survivor and Big Brother debuted, that it was just another trend, much like the Millionaire-inspired game show craze, that would die out. But it hasn't; if anything, it's like the ringworm that refuses to go away. And those like me who look for ANYTHING to watch most nights are the ones that suffer. If I want to watch reality TV, I'll go to ESPN. (And yet, I watch The Contender because I went to school with one of the contestants. So I'm not one to talk, I guess.)

But I am the eternal optimist. (Yeah right, but just work with me here.) If anything, I feel that reality TV is lacking just a little creativity. The reality TV market needs a shot in the arm. They need someone just "outside the box" enough to realize the true potential of reality TV.

In short, the genre needs... ME. And my weird, warped, sex-obsessed mind.

This blog was inspried by another familiar blog, but that one did a parody of already existing reality shows. Me, I strive for more. So, I bring to you... Big & Tall's Fantasy Reality TV Lineup! In a perfect world, these shows would dominate the airwaves during the long hot summer months, when reality TV is at its apex.

(With one notable exception, all shows would be hosted by Tom Bergeron. Just because I like to bring the pain.)

Drunk Flour Fighting- simple concept, really: get two random people off the street, get them drunk, blindfold them, give them a bag of flour, place them in a ring surrounded by an electric fence, and let 'em FIGHT! Shocking fun for all! My crown jewel of my reality lineup.

Make Bob Dylan Laugh- everyday folk do their damndest to make the serious poet-rocker laugh. Anything goes, and whoever makes Dylan laugh the hardest (no mean feat) wins the chance to be Dylan's roadie for a year. Who wouldn't want to give Bob his chilled glass of prune juice before he hits the stage?

Gettin' High with Flavor Flav- this is the one exception mentioned, as the first half-hour is just you and Flav kickin' back and smoking... well, you know. Then, you must attempt to perform some seriously stupid tasks, like attempting to shave a cat or drinking a 40 oz bottle of warm Tang in one shot. Admit it, you'd watch this, only for the shock of seeing illegal stimulants inhaled on live TV.

Screwballz- random strangers get to have sex for 20 minutes, then will decide whether or not it's worth doing again. If they do, they get $500,000 to do it live on national TV. If she refuses (it would be her call whether or not more sex would happen), the man would be given a small cup to jack off in as a consolation prize. OK, I admit, I stole this one from Mr. Show with Bob & David, but really, this beats the pants off of anything the Playboy Channel could ever come up with.

Angry Cocks!- if you have ever seen a South American cockfight between two insane chickens, then you know this would make for riveting TV. Imagine all the betting in Vegas this show would incur.

Duets with William Shatner- ever seen Shatner sing "Rocket Man?" If you have, you know he is a SERIOUS poet laureate of rock music. Now YOU (YES, YOU!) can sing along with Captain Kirk. You pick the song, he sets the mood... this could never fail! Imagine you and Shatner crooning to Ice Cube's "It Was a Good Day." This show makes that dream come true! (note to curiousinlorain7: I'm not making fun of Shatner, I'm basking in his awesomeness. I'm bummed that Shatner doesn't drop more lyrical bombs on our heads.)

Now admit it, there's a reality TV lineup America would love.

Or certain parts of Canada, either one.

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen


curiousinlorain7 60F

8/9/2006 8:25 pm

yep, shatner's my hero


MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
8/10/2006 5:21 am

Flava Flav! LOL..and cockfighting..Uh can that be scheduled on the same night and channel? i loved this post and the concept. *giggling and looking for munchies to bring for tv time @ your place...you bring Becky! LOL*


PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
8/10/2006 7:30 am

Ummm... I dunno Chelley, maybe we should have Shatner right after Gettin' High... sounds like more fun that way

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
8/11/2006 7:13 pm

*giggles* How about making it a threesome night....*wicked bad girl smiles* i mean all three shows...Sheesh see how quick the mind hits the gutter? Besides wouldn't want to give the ol boy a heart attack....a PK and chelley sandwich might do him in....LOL.


bigandtallreturn 38M

8/11/2006 8:09 pm

Chelle, if it indeed that was the case, it'd be a hell of a way to go, wouldn't it?

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen


PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
8/11/2006 8:13 pm

I'm game but you're right, too much coolesterol in that sandwich

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


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