Grrrrrrrrrr.............why do I do this to myself?  

benibluetwo 48F
799 posts
1/27/2006 1:24 pm

Last Read:
4/23/2006 11:44 pm

Grrrrrrrrrr.............why do I do this to myself?

There are lots of guys I have chatted with and a couple I have hooked up with for one or two nights of pleasure. I get hit on quite a bit so I can afford to be picky.

I DO NOT like the "Hey-baby-nice-tit's-let's-see-them-naked" guys..........maybe by the 500th time it will sink in and I will suddenly say " are the guy for me!!!!!!!"

It is only advertising.......the real me....but advertising none-the-less.

Quite a while ago I met a guy and things have been rocky from the start.......not being able to hook up like it has turned into some petty high school thing where we go back and forth trying to make the other one jealous.

I told him last time that if he couldn't have supper with me next time I was in the city I would go out with someone else and meet him later. I thought that that was fair......who likes eating alone? But NO......he said he wanted to see me before AND after his meeting.

I agreed......then I was late getting in and he said "I need to watch the second period of the hockey game." WTF? So fine......"I am going for supper." Then I barely get ordered and I get a text message "I am coming over now."

THEN just as things are getting hot his boss phones and he has to go back to the office to rewrite a contract...."I will not be too long." So my alarm goes off at 6 am and he is still not back. Then later he is all "Sorry Babe" and "Let's hook up after your meeting Hun".

It never happened.

*beating my head against a brick wall* (Yes, that is the thwapping noise you hear.)

If there are so many guys out there who also interest me and who are hot to be with me WHY am I wasting time and energy on THIS one?

Actually as I write this I have deleted did not block him.....*hanging head in shame*......but if I do not see him online then I will not IM him. I will take his number out of my phone list on my cell............well let's do that now..(phone book, scroll, menu, delete, yes)....DONE. Now where is that paper with it on? I will have to throw that away later when I find it.


Is it because he fufills some deep seated need in me to be treated like crap? It is because he made me feel good about myself when we DID talk nicely to each other? And the IM's........"miss u" and being told things like "I am afraid you are so mad you will never talk to me again and I will be sad if that happens". it the chase? The hard-to-get thing?

Whatever it is........I am over it. I do not need to be treated like this. All I want is sex and he is not available enough for that to happen.

Now don't get me wrong about this guy.....he NOT living with his parents smoking pot while playing Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay instead of looking for a job. (I am a Vin Diesel fan if I never mentioned it before.)

He is a lawyer....and NO that is NOT the reason I like him....he can be funny and charming and we have talked about more than sex. But whatever it's done.

I can't go on feeling like this and he doesn't need me nagging him like a wife.

You know I realized the other day he and I should get married.....we would have the same amount of sex but there would be the benefit of shared expenses and we could at least have hallway sex LOL.

Anyway.....I am not looking for feedback......I am more venting than anything.....purging myself.




rm_budgie1960 57M

1/27/2006 3:57 pm

benibluetwo, hmmm, u know something ,and i'm probably wrong ,but i don't think it matters a tinkers how we treat each other these days, we live in a throw away society that we don't really expect anything to last for ever, he could have bent over backwards for u and i don't think it would make any difference, in fact it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did, the challenge would have been gone, any way thanks for venting we all have to do that at sometime or another to relieve the stress level which is critical,

rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
1/27/2006 4:25 pm

Low self esteem maybe, I have acted that way myself alot of times.

yourcutiepie69 48F

1/27/2006 4:50 pm

Things really can last forever not everyone or everything is meant to be thrown away. Good things happen to those that wait, sometimes the chase and intrigue are exciting yet somewhat exhausting. OMG he is the guy 4 U just tell him so and what time is dinner?

benibluetwo 48F

1/28/2006 3:17 pm

I know I would have been FAR happier if he had shown up every time he said he was going to instead of me sitting there waiting and waiting and wondering if he had been in an accident or something. As for self esteem........I considered that....but it's more that every time I tried to end it or suggest that we end it he would beg forgiveness and say things would be better the next time........then the next time it wasn't.....and I would get frustrated all over again. I hate to think of either of us as disposable.......just not ready for this yet...especially him I think......too busy working even though he says he wants to be with me.

I am not looking to get married or have a boyfriend to take to weddings and go on vacation with.....I just want someone to meet with for sex as often as we can. What is so hard about that? One man....lots of sex.......but this has gone on too long and is too difficult so I am making the decision for both of's OVER.




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