The search.  

beaudreau1833 70M
0 posts
9/7/2006 2:48 pm
The search.

I met with A today, naturally that's not an initial. I like her but am not sexually attracted to her. She's eager to consummate this thing but I am not about to--she has that "one true love" look about her. Listen, I think the notion of a single love in your life is very attractive. When I got married--all of them--I wanted them to be my soul-mate. After a few of those you don't feel so confident in the likelihood that it's gonna happen.

So I told her the truth-or part of it--I am not eager to start anything with someone I barely know. This was our first meeting. She isn't terribly attractive, though she is a very nice person and I value that more than beauty. She is more experienced at infidelity than I; how could she not be? Though not at sex itself, since she's been married to one man for 25+ years. And she is a bit skittish about my status, though clearly she was ready to overcome any reservations.

As it was, as I sat there talking with her, I found myself wanting the triste to be over. I guess that means there was no chemistry. So I'll be fucking my lonely fist again tonite. Better that than shoulder the burden of someone's hopes. Hopes I doubt I can fulfill.

When I was a much younger man, I would have had no trouble spending the afternoon in bed with her. There was a time that I thought fucking a new woman proved something to myself about my worth. I thank the gods for giving me enough age to grow out of that. Enough age and enough different partners, so that I understand that getting a woman to climb into bed with you is only hard if you are a complete creep. If you like women and want to be with them. If you pay attention and pay compliments to them. If you learn to enjoy the company of the woman you are with, well, the sex is going to follow.

One of the things that strikes me about this site, is the desparate, almost mad, immediacy of the need some men seem to have. I mean, maybe some of the women on the site go for photos of hard-ons, but if they do, the guys showing their boners are welcome to them.

If you want to understand why I feel that way, you should read my first post. I don't think I ever fucked a woman(see post #1 if you don't like my use of that work)that I didn't think I could fall in love with. I know I never fucked one out of desparation. Why bother? I can jerk off--at least then I LOVE the person I'm with. I suspect that since the advances in feminism, many women feel the same way.

The irony there is that there was actually a movement in the 60's and 70's to teach women what an orgasm was. Feminists went around and TAUGHT women how to come. Sometimes they brought a speculum and a mirror so a woman could look up her pussy. Imagine--men have no comparable experience. Orgasms are cheap and easy for us. I'm sure I've had tens of thousands--in proportion, of course, the number I've given myself dwarfs the number I've had with women, but I don't care, and even so I've had MANY partners. It's just that I, like most men, masturbated even when I was in a relationship that wasn't sexually moribund like the one I'm in now. Any man who says different has a problem, either with sex or with the truth. But for women, orgasms are precious and elusive. Men, remember that as you pound your way to a climax. The statement "the lady comes first" is misleading since in so many cases it would be better put to leave the last work off. "The lady comes!" should be the watchword.

To return to masturbation, Wife #3, who worked in ICU's as a nurse, used to say that she'd walk into a room where a dying man OR woman lay, and find them masturbating. So don't tell me about not masturbating. I know.

So, I didn't get my ashes hauled today as the navy used to say. No problem, I have an on-going correspondence with a number of women, and I have plenty of time( I think that one benefit of having been such a dedicated wanker all my life, is that I still have great stamina and recuperative powers. I don't come as often; many nights I just fuck for hours, and then at the end, by dint of great effort, finally get off in a geyser's worth of spunk. I actually like that development--partners seem to enjoy it too.

Any way there's always time, and who knows maybe tomorrow, you'll email me and we'll begin the dance again. And all that hope and excitement will surge back into our lives.


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