Edgar Allan Joe  

bardicman 51M
7540 posts
2/20/2006 2:29 pm

Last Read:
3/14/2006 8:30 pm

Edgar Allan Joe

Once upon a midnight dreary,
while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten Playboy,
While I nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping,
rapping at my trailor door.
"'Tis some crack whore," I muttered, "tapping at my trailor door-
probably white trash, and nothing more."

My t-shirt was slightly tattered,
when out on the lawn arose such a clatter
Since my dream was already shattered,
I sprang from my lazy boy to see what was the matter.
The moon was abreast on the new fallen snow,
The stars all had tits with nipples aglow
The neighborhood hooker stood before, the bitches name? It was Lenore
Quote my penis, "Ack a whore".

I, thought I had read her obituary
it was in the bleak February,
Too much crack and to much speed,
I thought, I thought she had OD-ed
But there she was rapping on my door
Licking her lips and hoping to score
Quote my penis, "Hmmmm a whore."

Presently my cock grew stronger;
twitching twice then growing longer,
"Sir," said she , "your cock I adore,
truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I am crashing,
and so gently, gently I came rapping,
With my teeth and all the gnashing
gently tapping at your trailor door
I need 5 bucks and nothing more
Quote my penis, "Mmmm a whore."

Self control is all but mute,
When face to face with a pro.stitute,
Its too hard to be discerning,
when deep inside there is such a yearning.
Cries of no, stop, I was calling,
Yet to her knees, she kept on falling
My desire boiled to the core
for this pro that was named Lenore
Quote my penis, "Yes, a whore."

Quite quickly she found the place I am hung
I felt the warmth of a feminine tongue
A hand cups my balls the other grabs shaft
All this for 5 bucks? I started to laugh
my cock in her mouth, Oh my, how she blew it.
Then I spun her around and started to screw it.
On the couch, in my chair, and even the floor
we fucked and she sucked and then we fucked some more
This lovely fair maiden, Oh beautiful Lenore
All through the night and the morning some more
Quote my penis, "I am sore."

Several weeks later, I think it was three
I notice a pain and discharge when I pee
Oh what has that trite bitch given to me
the clap? the drip? some type of VD?
In a feverish fit, I knew I was illin'
To the doctor I went for some penicillin
cock and balls all aflame and piss of hell's fire
a thousand dollar cure for 5 bucks worth of desire
When later that night, a rapping on the trailor door
Quote my penis, "Never Whore."

I am not dead yet

spinmedown 50M
3626 posts
2/20/2006 8:24 pm

More! "The Cravin'"

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

rm_hinkawaza 53M
371 posts
2/20/2006 9:46 pm

Two things, that could so easily be Dr. Suess, and isn't Ack a Bill The Cat term?

bardicman 51M

2/20/2006 10:05 pm

Spinnerman - ROFL..

I am not dead yet

southrnpeach333 51F

2/20/2006 10:20 pm

Stick to the forgotten Playboy!

bardicman 51M

2/20/2006 11:26 pm

Ladytoplease - I am so glad you enjoyed it. I had a blast writing this one.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/20/2006 11:26 pm

Hinky, Yes perhaps a darker more adult Dr. Suess. ACK. Hairball.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/20/2006 11:27 pm

Peaches - Things are so much safer that way

I am not dead yet

tillerbabe 57F

2/21/2006 12:00 am

You scare me! LOL!

HBowt2 60F

2/21/2006 12:37 am


papyrina 52F
21133 posts
2/21/2006 1:03 am

had you commented on mine you would have got a clean blow job for free)

I enjoyed this one

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
2/21/2006 1:58 am

Funniest one you've done yet...I must have a sick mind...ha YOU must be the reason I was thinking about Zappa last night...why does it hurt when I pee? LOL

TabithaElectra79 39F

2/21/2006 3:25 am

OMG! Excellent!

Can we have more please...

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:35 am

Tiller - Sometimes.... I scare myself.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:45 am

Hbow - Why thank you so much. Brilliant? I am so bright my daddy called me son.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:46 am

Papy - I tried for an hour and finally gave up because this site was sucking. I have tried again though.. with a little more success.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:48 am

Corezon, I got it from the toilet seat... It jumped right up and grabbed my meat.....

I love "Joes Garage". I have the Album set stored away somewhere.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:57 am

Tabitha - Your wish is my command dear lady.

I am not dead yet

Yours_2_Corrupt 40F

2/21/2006 4:02 am

Hilarious and still as twisted as ever.

kyplowboy22 62M

2/21/2006 4:21 am

Ah, glad to see the Bard of old returneth. lol Very funny stuff, the last several posts. Had a bone in my leg and haven't got out to visit much. Later

pinkplaytoyz 51F

2/21/2006 5:40 am

damn, we are alot alike...mine was "the Craven", LOL
though i like yours better
"...the stars all had tits with nipples aglow"..WOOO HOOO!!!

catseyes23 62F

2/21/2006 5:57 am

Um, as a reader from afar who likes E.A.P. and his "Dear Lenore." That wasn't bad. Send us more!


rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
2/21/2006 7:35 am

Hehe, it was worth the wait.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 7:37 am

Yours_2_Corrupt - I live out here in the sticks of Arkansas, I have to be twisted to survive. I am glad you enjoyed it.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 7:43 am

KPB - Its been to damn cold to get out much but dont fret it friend. I know there is one thing constant in this life. You will be here in a second if I need a friend.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 7:44 am

Pink - Now I shall go digging through your basement until I find this. Want to come down there with me?

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 7:45 am

Cats - Thanks M'Lady.
Yes, you are, from quite afar.
I cannot drive there in my car.

I am not dead yet

Sister_Act_4_You 39F/39F

2/21/2006 7:56 am

How incredibly clever you are.

themisskrissy 57F
2302 posts
2/21/2006 10:42 am

i am swearing off reading anymore bardicblogs until i am healed... my tummy hurts way too much when i laugh!!!!!!!!

good one darlin...

Virtue Alone Ennobles

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
2/21/2006 12:04 pm

Poe sure would be proud!!

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 1:58 pm

DaphneR - Dang it was hard enough to get it accepted. Who would have thought that on a sex site the word pros.titute would get a post denied.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 2:00 pm

Louisa - Just not quite clever enough. The pullet surprise is always just out of my reach.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 2:02 pm

Krissy - Thanks babe, Laughter is susposed to make you heal faster though. I have always heard that laughter is the best medicine. Of course if you are pulling stitches it might not be true.....

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:22 pm

aascrompn - Thanks man.. I think he turned over in his grave.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/21/2006 3:23 pm

Salz - Welcome back

I am not dead yet

SolarPowered0 111M
8026 posts
2/21/2006 3:24 pm


You wild and crazy guy - you know better than to cast a pearl necklace before swine!

Damned fine work!


oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
2/21/2006 6:22 pm

LMOAO. How do you do it. Glad to see the humor back.

TzarsAmuseChant 42M
2854 posts
2/22/2006 8:12 am

Considering what a devout fan of Poe that I am, I should be appalled by this, but I can't help laughing!!!

bardicman 51M

2/22/2006 9:57 am

Solar -

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/22/2006 9:59 am

Oldman - You just have to go with the flow of the moment.

I am not dead yet

bardicman 51M

2/22/2006 10:01 am

5'er - Hmm ooops Glad you were not appalled.

I am not dead yet

rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
2/26/2006 1:33 pm


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

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