Attention All Heterosexual Men  

bardicman 51M
7540 posts
5/6/2006 11:38 am

Last Read:
5/7/2006 1:42 pm

Attention All Heterosexual Men

Are you disillusioned by your lifestyle? Do you want more from life besides monster truck shows? Do Budweiser commercials confuse you? Are you tired of being a year behind in fashion? Do you wish you had a nice apartment like the ones you see on "Will & Grace"?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Act now, and you'll be on your way to living a fabulous, glamorous life as a HOMOSEXUAL! We are now recruiting heterosexual men ages 18-65 to become homosexuals. Let us assist you in your transformation from bland to beautiful! We'll give you all the steps you'll need to be a happy fairy, such as:

1. Drag Queen make-up tips!

2. How to have sex with a man WITHOUT the six pack of beer!

3. How to decorate with frills and throw pillows to brighten up any room!

4. Essential Madonna and Cher records to own

5. That tongue trick invented circa 1978 in some alley in NYC

6. Ricky Martin's fan club address

7.Style and grooming tips NO self respecting gay would be without (hope you're not too attached to that uni-brow)

8. How to wear a G-string with poise and dignity (we'll insert a few bucks to get you started)

9. Finger-snapping lessons, and a dialect coach to assist in "gaylingo"

10. Learn important historical dates, like: the year Donna Summer won her first Grammy, Barbra's wedding anniversary, and the day Judy died!

ACT NOW AND YOU'LL RECEIVE A GOLD-PLATED CLOSET DOOR HINGE TO SYMBOLIZE YOUR FREEDOM!

Don't delay any longer! Do you want to have more women hanging off you than when you were straight? Aren't you tired of the snickers whenever you walk into a room?

Call NOW to BEGIN YOUR LIFE AS A FABULOUS FAG!!!

Tell them Bardicman sent you and receive a free toaster!!

Call today. Operators are standing by . . . . .

(I loved the product so much.... I bought the company)




I am not dead yet


jadedbabe78 107F

5/6/2006 11:45 am

It's a shame you're gay......you are HOT HOT HOT!!!

Oh, what I wouldn't give to stick my lipstick covered nip into your glorious perty mouth.....

*Sigh*

Alas, it is just a dream that will never be fulfilled .


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:08 pm:
I know Jade.. Still we can be friends now. Because you know I want nothing but to be one of the girls.

Hippink 36F  
4498 posts
5/6/2006 12:04 pm

HELP!
I'm a 25 yr old gay man trapped in a 36 yr old woman's body!

The toaster might help ease the pain....
Hippie XXX


How to Get Laid on AFF The Basics
Have fun, play safe!


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:44 pm:
Maybe we need to probe around and see if we can figure out how you got stuck..

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
5/6/2006 12:13 pm

Funny how you discovering your gayness coincides with Trav re-announcing his heterobisapieness.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:45 pm:
coincidence or Male Pattern Baldness.....

jadedbabe78 107F

5/6/2006 12:20 pm

I know....and with you being out of the closet now....you can help me pick out my bras everyday....yep, that's right. Tell me, which color bra would look best on Miss Nip over there??


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:46 pm:
Yes, I think we are going with the powder blue today.

Medium lift because we want the babies bouncing for attention.

SlimGoodGuy 39M

5/6/2006 12:21 pm

Can't say that I fit into this one. I do too much outside work and spend my time around sick and bleeding people to worry about fashion, let alone anything else on your list.

There are other ways to win a free toaster


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:46 pm:
Yes but... this toaster says "You're a Homo..

Isnt that worth something.

EroticaXTC 51F

5/6/2006 12:32 pm

Si....ahem (in her deepest throat sounding voice...Sign me up BillyJoe!!!


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 12:47 pm:
alright baby. You are signed up.

YIM me your home address so I can send you something to toast your buns.

Fox4aKnight1 44F

5/6/2006 1:04 pm

rotfl .................cute bard ...........darn another one gone


bardicman replies on 5/6/2006 1:31 pm:
and another one gone and another one gone.. another one rids the butts.

TTigerAtty 63M

5/6/2006 2:13 pm

I knew that someone with all the limeric writing talent you possess, someone with such a heightened level of sensitivity, must surely be homosexual. I'm sure it is a big relief to come out of the closet and announce the long-suspected news. Can I exchange my toaster for an Ipod?


romeoMEETSjuliet 53M/53F
162 posts
5/6/2006 2:18 pm

She hears the sound of women's hearts breaking all across the net! Say it ain't so!


bulging_boy 50M

5/6/2006 2:31 pm

Have to say, it does explain the photo.


HBowt2 60F

5/6/2006 2:43 pm

your profile is great.....still laughing here


header1979 38M
507 posts
5/6/2006 3:21 pm

Shit. This is bad timing. I am moving away from being bi to being exclusively straight with women and now the man of my dreams says he wants to try being gay. Maybe I got to rethink what I am doing with my life. lol


expatbrit49 64M

5/6/2006 3:42 pm

OMG toaster sex you gay guys are such pervs... I would never have thought od that and besides what you do with a woman and a toaster

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


clevergirl4U 59F

5/6/2006 5:44 pm

Oh Bard...I am SO proud of you for finally coming out of the closet...I know how hard it can be. Sorry that everyone is laughing. I suspected this all along...just know that at least I support you in your decision


DIVISION77 41M
8337 posts
5/6/2006 6:07 pm

A right-wing homosexual, eh Bardic?

Wonders never cease.

What brought this on?

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


twirly_girl 48F

5/6/2006 7:08 pm

Pfft!
I got yer toaster right here, baby.
I'll even let you wear my panties.

-Nikki


MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
5/6/2006 7:32 pm

You need to add lessons on how Liza is a pale imitation of her mother.


LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
5/6/2006 8:04 pm

Does this package...hmmmm ...no pun intended....come with fag hags or do you acummulate them as you go?
Also does it come with that new dick deodorant stuff for those embarassing "just after" moments?

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
2110 posts
5/6/2006 8:48 pm

I'm crushed, but curiously excited by this "turn" of events. I just have a question... Can I watch??? Please?


angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
5/6/2006 9:02 pm

Bard....your profile is great! And this was a good post. I always wanted to know....do gay men kiss each other? lol


rm_BigDnLady 44M/42F
1140 posts
5/6/2006 10:12 pm

WTF?????????????????????????????????????????????????????Not U!!!!
So, my newly homosexual conservative, what are your views og homosexual marriage?????

Lady

(I am a bisexual male trapped in a bisexual females body...ROFLPMS!! )


Notjustmanmeat 52M
39 posts
5/7/2006 5:06 am

How about throwing in lessons on Rogers and Hammerstein musicals? Or lyric sheets from I Will Survive and I Am What I Am as sung by Gloria Gaynor?


bardicman replies on 5/7/2006 6:31 am:
That should definately be included.

You have to pardon me, I am just getting started on this gay thing so I dont have all the ins and outs figured out yet.

rm_LilBlondeNZ 42F
1028 posts
5/7/2006 11:09 am

<--Signing up for your Fag Hag Club



A


bardicman replies on 5/7/2006 1:44 pm:
You are so in..

Does Bulge want to be a fag hag too?

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