Affairs of the Heart  

barbiebunny 38F
6789 posts
11/15/2005 1:41 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Affairs of the Heart

Last 3 days I have been severely distracted. Im hoping if I let some of it out here... I can do some emotional bloodletting and move on. Will it work? I do not know.

Please go over and wish Fallic40 a healthy and speedy recovery from his heart attack. If u have enjoyed and read his blogs, its the least you can do. Im glad you are still here, and especially here for your family.

On Sunday, I got news someone else I knew diddnt make it of a heart attack. Im not gonna sully his name by putting it on a sex site for my benefit. But he was only 38. So young. So much pain. So much he learned on the fast track. So many lives he touched. I learned the worth of a man is the composite whole...not the bad things he did.. or the demons that brought him to his knees. But the times he was there for someone, gave an ancouraging word, swallowed the pain for a greater good. He walked tall in his perfect imperfections with humility and a smile. Thank you for the joy you had brought me over the years..and your familys sacrifice to let you do that away from their loving arms.

I sit here discombobulated
and struggling for breath as bhronchitis has hit my tired lungs again in the span of a month and my personal trades I have done over the years to soothe the same master called pain...and wonder if I have gone too far myself. I had no choice but to do what I had to do.. I do not regret the decisions I had to make, but now I wonder at he price. It haunts me. Its always haunted me.

Please, I plead to those that are abusing your heart in one way or another just by lifestyle.. I plead with you to stop. Stop now.. the pain is real. The consequences are real. Its not as hard to do as the potential alternative. This may hit home with you, or it may not..I dont know..but with a heavy heart, I let it be known.



I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Its good to be...ME

kokpelli_999 62M

11/15/2005 4:03 pm

Mourn your loss, grieve for his family. Heal with the positive impact he had on this planet.
(gentle hug)

rm_titsandtires 53M/43F
3656 posts
11/15/2005 5:04 pm

beautiful post bunz... *hugz*


tillerbabe 57F

11/15/2005 6:53 pm

Very unselfish, kind post...
I hope you feel better sweetie....bleed on me..{=}

rm_bella_ 48F
4030 posts
11/15/2005 7:45 pm

Wonderful said it all

Get well soon

tootsiedippin 54M/54F
1078 posts
11/15/2005 8:03 pm


Our simpathies...

You honor them with your kind words and memories

T & D

carebearluv2 43F

11/15/2005 8:36 pm

I am sorry for your loss Bunny and I hope you feel better soon!

(Juan S)
2642 posts
11/15/2005 10:42 pm

((( Hugs))).

Stay here with your head upon my chest...release the tears you hold inside,
scream if you need to, I will still hold you and try to give you whatever comfort I can...
I am sorry for your lost...

rm_4nik8_4u 62M
2501 posts
11/16/2005 6:07 am

I feel your loss. I hope that it was healing for you to express yourself here. I wish for you both physical and emotional healing. You CAN heal if you let yourself.

Big loving hugs and soft kisses to brush the tears aside.

DTand5Speed 42M/51F

11/16/2005 6:21 am

It is especially hard when you lose someone so young. So sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself. Much love -DT

bardicman 51M

11/16/2005 6:40 am

My sympathies to you Bunny. A gentleman I have said good morning to 5 days a week for the last year did not tell me good morning Sunday morning. He did not show up for work. He died in his sleep of a heart attack.
I know the pain all to close right now.
This isn't a sex site.
This is my little comment box.
I have to say it one more time for him.
Mornin' Norman.

I am not dead yet

rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
11/16/2005 6:56 pm

take care of you bunnygirl..get better!
heal that beautiful body and soul

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
11/16/2005 7:32 pm

People help me here..

In my delicate nature at the moment.. did this Broc guy JUST do what I think he did?! Did he advertise his rooty poo candy ass board on the mother of all posts where I emotionally bleed all over the place for his benefit? Did I just see this right? Or am i so distraught I diddnt read him right...

Help me people..I need to know your opinions.....

Its good to be...ME

(Princess Lips)

11/16/2005 7:39 pm

sends hugs to you Bunny...and hopes your memories of him guide you through this difficult time...

Indeed a wakeup call...

Live your life people...
its the only one you got!


rm_Lookalike 54M
25 posts
11/16/2005 7:50 pm

I'm sorry for your loss of a friend, Barbie.
My prayers for your speedy recovery.

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
11/17/2005 1:53 am

OK time to lay the smackdown on this asswipe. *im gonna sleep on it and let u know in the morning*

Its good to be...ME

SeekingFun337 65M/61F
657 posts
11/17/2005 8:33 am

I think I may know of whom you speak.. but, not sure.. There are no words that seem to cover the pain of grief, but there are memories of the happiness he brought to you, and others, and, as you said, for the heroe he was to those for whom he sacrificed, and cared for. These memories are usually the only real comfort.

You are right, tragedy can strike at any age. Being part of the friends, and community that loved, and admired the poster girl for the leukemia society, and who passed away at the age of 7, you need to acknowledge the fragile texture of life, cherish the moments, and days, and take solace in witnessing the strength, and character of those who set such a strong example for us.

As for your bronchitus, grieving takes it's toll on our immune system, too. Take extra care, lots of vitamin C, (lots)... and give yourself some time to be well, and let your lungs enjoy a healthy spell. (that was the doctor/parent...., but I can do that since I am your non-subservient -being worked on friend).

Seriously, be extra good to youself healthwise. Now, about that back, foot, and leg massage, hot tea, and a warm blanket... ready for it yet.

Sorry, for your pain and loss... may your day bring much happiness, and joy despit the sorrow in your heart, and know that your friend pursued life, lived it, and contributed to your life, and others in so many positive, and wonderful ways...

And 'Broc', I usually don't speak to other posts in controversy, but you still got in your ad with your apology... Bold.. but, come on, being nice and polite isn't a license to do something in this context... a simple apology would have been one thing, but not the place to advertise twice... wrong blog, wrong place, wrong apology...

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
11/17/2005 10:50 am

Broc your deliberate spamming had been reported to AdultFriendFinder. Nice knowin ya jackelope.

Its good to be...ME

Plano69 55M

11/17/2005 3:16 pm

wow... speechless
reflecting on my sins....
Get better soon!!

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
11/19/2005 1:38 am

Thank u to all that shared here..namaste

Its good to be...ME

__Huntress__ 56M/59F

11/19/2005 1:32 pm

I just sat here after reading this
not knowing what to say
or how to even begin to say it ...

imagine that ...
a poet at a loss for words ...

it's like extending your arms
to hold a friend and
clutching air instead ...

if I tell that in this moment
as you read this
my fingertips are tracing the
tears that fall from your heart
would you feel that ?

Could you ?

if I could reach across the miles
and lift the pain ... in a heartbeat
I would ...

my thoughts are with you Bunz ...


Gunslinger1954 63M

11/21/2005 6:39 am

Bunz - just short of ten years ago, I pretty much fell over dead with what the nurses later called a "widowmaker" heart attack. A heart surgeon and his team had just prepared for another surgery when my corpse showed up the hospital. And they saved my life.

I have lost two very close friends to heart attacks, both in their early fourties. Your message to readers and fans is right on - folks, please take care of yourselves. My heart attack was a real bitch slap wake up call and I listened.. Today my cholestoral is perfect, weight near perfect and I feel better than I have in years. Life is such a precious thing, folks - If a hard driving (and drinking) asshole like me can find religion in terms of getting healthy, so can you! Do it for yourself and all those who love you. There are more than you know...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Bunny *hugs*

And I pray you will overcome this bout with bronchitis.

**waving big medicinal carrot back and forth in ancient healing rite**

rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
11/23/2005 7:08 am

Best wishes for you Bunz

I don't know the right words that heal everything but you know they are in my heart for you. They are in all your friends hearts and that is the strength that is added to your heart so it will go on for as long as you need it.

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

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