Adventures in the Desert (part3)  

barbiebunny 37F
6789 posts
5/29/2006 7:39 pm

Last Read:
5/30/2006 1:39 pm

Adventures in the Desert (part3)

(back to my visit in Arizona)

Im walking down the hallway of my fathers house to his guestroom and I look upon the pictures lining the walls.

There SHE was, a stunning young blonde woman holding 4 young boys still for a picture like a great swan keeping her little goslings under her wingspan. I stared at that picture for fifteen minutes. Looking at her radient beauty, the contours of her face, her golden hair shining thru black and white photography, the faces of the children, one of witch being my father under age 5.

I have always HEARD stories about HER. But I never laid eyes upon her until THEN. She died 4 years before I wan born. Gramma raised 10 kids. She was always pregnant. She had 1 miscarriage. She was devoutly faithful, and educated herself, by reading every textbook the kids ever brought home late at night as they slept. She'd read Teilhard de Chardin, St. Thomas Aquinas, and all the great thinkers. To say she was brilliant was an understatement. She radiated in her pictures, and the joy even shining thru in the pictures she took of her children.

Breathless I stood examing the photo again and again..flood of stories I was told came back to me..and a homecoming of sorts, a definitive answer finally where I belonged, as my looks are very unique to my family..but now I understand where I came from. HER.

And no one would speak of where I got my looks from.. Id hear..oh u have so and so hands..Me? never. Just a glance and silence. I felt rejected and often alienated in this family. Now I know... I resembled HER.

She was very much a mystic. There was a story how my father mysteriously knew all of her relatives at her funeral wake--ones hed never met--because she was the type of person that wanted to make sure everyone felt welcome.

Pieces of the puzzle of my life and place within my family begain to slide into place and lock in like galvanized steel. THATS WHY.....

I sat down with my father and asked more about his mother. He sat down and finally opened up and shared with me about my gramma, that remained such an enigmatic figure in my life.

He shared more photos of him, and of her and photos taken by her.. and you can see the genuine light in every photograph she touched. Not very many people sparkle in the world like that. Not very many at all.

He started our chat saying.. She never was mean..She never said a bad word about anyone. She was extremely kind. She ruled by exception...

Huh? I was perplexed at the word choice... Exception dad? How so?

He struggled to put it into other words and thought a moment. When one of the kids got out of line she was right there to comfort them, make them feel special and gently guide them back into the family. (much like the photo I thought) He continued..She had 10 kids, what could you posssibly do with that and have a husband that came home and drank 2 cases of beer a week locked in the cellar?

This was the late 1930s-early 40s. Mad respect was coming out of my heart...Dad continued...She died young of cancer ravaged throughout her body. She never complained. She just got really ill at the end and the older 5 had to raise he younger 5 of the family...he trailed off... (as he was number 2 in the birth order)..and in a sadder voice he said..and Dad picked on the 2 kind kids of the family..Hank & me. Your grandma saved my life once and protected me from him when she could..he traied off. I saw this was getting painful for him.

Mistaking kindess for weakness was a typical German trait. I had been on the recieving end of that kind of polluted feeling myself. I gave him a big hug and thanked him for sharing HER with me, tucked him in bed, and I went back to staring ather picture in the hallway. I put myself to bed with tears in my eyes, and finally I understood my pains growing up. I said a special prayer to her that night. I knew she was listening.

That night, petting my father's boarder collie "chase" before I went to bed, enlightment struck.
Thats the next blog.

Stay Tuned!

Its good to be...ME

rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
5/29/2006 9:07 pm

wow! awesome story, i'm covered in goosebumps... will definitely be waiting with bated breath for the next bit... (and it kinda reminds me of returning to the UK for the first time in 20 years and meeting my cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. finally i figured out who i was!)

[blog freelove999]

SensualBlueMale 41M
90 posts
5/29/2006 9:52 pm

Definitely will stay tuned for the next blog.

bulging_boy 50M

5/30/2006 2:43 am

I'm in for the next installment too Barbs,

It's already sounding absolutely amazing.

hmmm... kinda like... YOU!

kokopelli_123 52M

5/30/2006 7:30 am

Now having had this visit with your father you maybe understand the others also?

(Princess Lips)

5/30/2006 10:01 am

*tears in my eyes*

oh bunz...

simply beautiful




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