Pondering the future  

badboyofurdreams 41M
1 posts
4/12/2005 3:16 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Pondering the future


So I just got home from a bad night at work. It didn't start out terribly. It looked to be easy, but where I work, things are never easy. I was running the show. I got everything done with 20 minutes to go. Then something happens. The Bulls go into overtime. We've been given 30 minutes less to work tonight. Then we get a call that something we relied on wasn't coming because someone didn't report into work. At this point, we're basically fucked, and it just degenerated from there. I sat there at my desk, head in my hand, staring blankly at the computer screen. I felt like a failure. I got caught completely off-guard. I should have reacted a little quicker. It just made me very frustrated and a little depressed at the same time.
I just don't know if I want to keep doing what I'm doing. The problem is where is the way out? Another person on here, a very smart girl, talked about taking a chance. I've been thinking that over lately. I definitely don't want to stay in the business that I'm in. I love to write, but I don't like this other b.s. that's going with it. My company made a big change a few years ago, and it has altered everyone's lifestyle.
For instance, right now there's no way I can sleep. My adrenaline and frustration are running way too high right now. If I liked to run, I would go do that, but I don't. I might go to the gym and shoot some hoops. Wear myself out a little.
But I've strayed from my point as I have a tendency to do. My point is finding a way out, finding something different. I've thought about being a teacher or a college professor. I've thought about being a lawyer, the kind that would work for an organization that helps people. I would be helping them play the game.
Finding a way out of a rut was going to be the conflict in a novel I was supposed to start years ago. It's been gesitating in my brain. Meanwhile back at the ranch, it hasn't gotten done, but it will. I'm basically writing about a guy who's stuck in one place and one spot in his life. He's about to turn 29. He's one week away. How does he think and act his way out of the bind he's in, the internal struggle he's facing. How did he get there it the first place. It's always a slow process isn't it? There's some absurd things that happen to him too during the week and he works with crazy people, of course.
So that's where I'm at now. Looking for a path for my temporary future. After all, that's all the future really is.

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