Finding Miss Right - How to  

anthonyfca 61M
3 posts
3/11/2006 4:35 am

Last Read:
3/11/2006 4:40 am

Finding Miss Right - How to

Numero Uno: is what's on the packet actually what's in it? Does she look 35 and turn out to be 55? Did she claim to be single and turn out to be married? Did she claim to have no dependent kids and turn out to have them? This scenario is intended to trap you emotionally so when you discover the truth you don't care. Trouble is that over time, if these things would have mattered to you in the first instance, they will matter later and eat away at the relationship's foundation; because that foundation is flawed, you just didn't know because honesty was missing.

Number two: is she available? This is a huge subject and includes both the obvious (no husband) and the subtle is she over her Dad, her last boyfriend, her first sexual experience, a series of "bad ones". Does she attract violent men, alcoholics, low life's? Why? (Are you one?! Get treatment!) It IS true, they do repeat the same bad experiences. Does she have dependents? Do these stop you having the life you want? They may of course create the life you want; it's a personal choice and you MUST be honest with yourself about the answers. She has responsibilities and you do NOT come first. Is she free of ex-husband inlfuences, including husbands numbers one two AND three? Does he want her still to be "in his life" or is he content just to visit with his kids? Does he still pay the rent? Is the maintenance on standing order? (If not he still desires to exert control, a testosterone thing, he hasn't let go). She has to make herself free and that can be tough - both to see the need and to actually achieve. After some years it's usualy "ok". Extended family: does she have parents alive? Grown up children? Grandchildren? Is she the Matriarch or the unpaid housekeeper and support for all the foregoing? In other words is she in charge of her life or is everyone else? In this situation she is the one with the power, but she may not use it. Kids never recognise that parents have a right to a life of their own - after all it is kids experience that parents exist to service the demands of the kids; we teach them that from birth, so they need a bit of retraining.

Number three: has she any habits you can't eventually live with? This is really about substance abuse: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs? All lead to the person smelling unpleasant most of the time, stinking the house out and being under the inlfuence of chemicals - a bit like not being fully available in item 2 above, but more obvious.

Number four: is she healthy? does everything work? Amazing how many bits don't work properly. May not bother you, but avoid surprises. Age of parents? Did they die young? Of Cancer? Etc. Again, just be aware.

Number five: do you both have the same mother tongue? Or at least very similar. I have met quite a few who have sworn this is a major risk if the ability to communicate is impaired. For myself I've never got far because I communicate much non verbally and the signals get all confused.

Number 6: all the above are practicalities and may be outweighed by love. Here there are no choices. It just is. Stuff the checklist, that goes out of the window. She's horny, irresistable and probably a pain the the rear, with all the above hangups. But she fits.

Internet dating allows 1 to 5 to be cleared up before meeting, for it is only the chemistry, her presence, her complete destruction of your ability to resist, in fact your overwhelming desire to be with her emotionally, physically, sexually, that leads you to guess she might be Miss Right. You'll know, if you have had enough practise. It's not sex, it's chemistry; the one thing we cannot even guess at via the internet.

Hey ho. What a wonderfull life. I think all this is a Cosmic joke and someone is having a good laugh at our expense.

Anthony (30 years of short relationships - so what would I know)

p.s. of course this works vice versa, but I'm a guy.

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