Spiritual Prison  

angelofmercy5 60F
12148 posts
7/26/2006 4:11 am

Last Read:
8/3/2006 5:08 am

Spiritual Prison

My parents fought when I was a child. No....not physical fighting......and truly as an adult I realize that it wasn't actually fighting as much as heated words. I know that they weren't words I was meant to hear....they were mostly words about money...or lack thereof!

But I was a nosey bean even then....and I listened to everything.

When I was a child, divorce just rarely happened...and when it did it was a HUGE stigma. So, I'd lay in bed and worry about my Dad leaving us. I'd stay awake and think..... "If only.... I had been a good girl that day....maybe they wouldn't fight." "If only....I had eaten my dinner, maybe they wouldn't fight."

I married the man of my dreams.....really. And shortly after we married, I realized that he had moments of rage.....all directed at himself....never at me! But guess what? I took them on.....I thought "If only....I had had dinner ready quicker." "If only....I had picked the kids toys up for the 1000th time." My rational mind can tell me that it isn't my fault...that there was nothing I could do. But the child in me automatically reverts to the "IF ONLY"!

I hate these "If only" moments. So....do you have "If only" 's in your life?

What are some of your "IF ONLY" moments?????

fantasylover_05 63M

7/26/2006 4:36 am

All the time.........

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/26/2006 4:48 am:
Fantasy.....I know! ~huge hugs~

ZZ_Todd 60M

7/26/2006 4:48 am

I don't think any of could call ourselves "normal" if we didn't have times like this. I've been having lots of them, lately... "If only I'd have kissed that prick's ass that day, I might still have my lousy, $8 per hour, fucked up, job I couldn't stand..." (Are you seeing where this is heading?) That example, like all the others, have always failed to keep me down, because I seem to be able to bounce back into focus and remember the truth of Mom's wisdom: "Things happen for reasons..." and it seems that the reasons end up being good ones.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/26/2006 4:52 am:
Todd.....I sure do see where this is heading! And Mom's wisdom is usually good wisdom. But there are some things that just "trigger" that gut reaction in you.....and all the good wisdom goes out the window.

rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
7/26/2006 4:49 am

i used to do it all the time. but last year the penny finally dropped on the emotional level -- not just the mental level -- "i can't change what is already done and i'm not responsible for the emotions of others". I really have no idea what made the difference -- just seems that the time had come to stop torturing myself, and to stop letting those thoughts have even one moments hold on me.

[blog freelove999]

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/26/2006 4:57 am:
Free....I sometimes think that I am at that point....and then I fall back into torturing myself! I wish I knew how to exorcise this demon for good.

luvtolick64154 63M

7/26/2006 4:53 am

If only I had slowed down to smell the roses.

If only I had gone to more of my daughters school functions.

If only I had looked at where I was, instead of where I thought I wanted to be.

If only I had realized, that I already had everything I wanted.

These things, I now know. So I walk a bit slower, take time to watch my grandson grow, enjoy where I'm at, and most of all. Love the greatest woman a guy could ever know.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/26/2006 4:58 am:
Luv.....oh you are so wise and you have a beautiful soul. My grandchildren put things in perspective for me too! And they let me be a kid again!

rm_pagan380 66M
4405 posts
7/26/2006 5:23 am

You can't change the past but you can change your future if you want to. Learn from the past to shape the future.

Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/26/2006 12:24 pm:
Pagan.....where have you been lately? I'm sure you're off having adventures! But you are very correct here. And I'm glad you stopped by!

NakedTwister68 49M

7/26/2006 5:55 am

I know exactly what you mean, I had an abusive step-father when I was growing up. Since my parents divorced before I was 1yo. I didn't think anything about divorce. I had a lot of "dark" what ifs running through my head constantly. It is a shame what we go through while young. I have to remind myself that a thought is just a thought. We can't control what we think, only how we react.

Also, take a look at my blog post for today. It falls along similar lines.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 2:54 am:
Naked......the great thing is that we CAN control how we react. Thanks for stopping by here today....and I'll head over to check out your blog. Hope to see you here often!

rm_passion7523 52M
2931 posts
7/26/2006 6:31 am

if only id spoken up
and not been so shy
if only i could have asked her name
maybe we could have shared more than a smile
if only i taken the time to stop
the world and enjoy it going by
if only i didnt make her cry
if only i tried a little bit harder
to be a better person
sooner than i did
if only i didnt let my ego
get in the way
if only he didnt have that one more drink
he may still be alive
if only i thought before
i opened my mouth
if only i shared more praise
than critism
if only i took better care of my health
if only we all realised
we need to love ourselves
so that we can in turn love others
if only we all realised
that each of us is important
and that each of us
can make a difference
if only we treated each other
as we want others to treat us
the world would be
a better place
if only if only
are the the experiences
that can shape us
provided we learn from them
and move us to be better,
better lovers, better fathers. mothers
sisters, brothers sons daughters
if onlys can shape us to be better
human beings provided we learn from them
so that more and more
the world will be a better place
to cry tears of joy rather
than tears of sadness for if onlys
become treasures realised from
mistakes made or lesson learned from
opportunities let by

may your if onlys become your treasures angel ..peace and harmony passion

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 2:55 am:
Passion......that was something else! Thank you so much.....I felt peace after reading this.

howaboutahuck 67M
489 posts
7/26/2006 7:04 am

My what if is to start with a clean slate today.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 2:56 am:
Howabout......you know, you're right....and we can start each day anew! Thanks my friend.

free2chose2 67F

7/26/2006 7:10 am

I could write"If only"and it could circle the universe
and return to me today to prepare for tommorow

Don't worry, be Happy

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 2:57 am:
Free....that is a beautiful thought! You are truly a treasure!

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

7/26/2006 7:29 am

If only I had acted on what I saw in others instead of being so forgiving and allowing others to take advantage of my good nature...I had to learn a VERY hard lesson, it won't be taught to me AGAIN...Ready


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 2:59 am:
Ready....the lesson's that we learn the "hard" way are often the lessons that we never forget. I'm sorry that some took advantage of you sweetie....but don't ever lose that giving nature of yours.

HighPocKets1938 79M

7/26/2006 7:47 am

I dont have too many "if only's" but I do have way too many "what if's". In that I was extremely blessed with both loving parents and grandparents, my "if only" list are all on things that I had absolutely no control over and I learned very early that what I could not change, I had to accept. That does not mean that I liked it (or them) any less but that I had no choice.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:00 am:
HP.....but you are a fine example of someone who knows how to make lemonade out of sour lemons! An example to us all.

tadpudgy 57M

7/26/2006 7:51 am

"if only".....do you know we spend a lifetime analyzing the "if only's"....i do it daily...and some of these shouldn't be revisited, if only i could stop, i wouldn't be on meds. My parents spent too many of their 28 years telling us they stayed together just because of the kids. he has been remarried for 20 years, and the step-mom doesn't want us kids/grandkids a part of their lives. i often hide behind the veil of laughter, because i can't stop the "if only's". take care and thanks for the thoughts.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:02 am:
Tad......I think there are alot of people hiding behind the veil of laughter. I hope that you can find true joy also. Be blessed.

bustybettyboop 51F  
59326 posts
7/26/2006 7:56 am

believe me hon..everyone has the "if only" moments in our past..but whatever choices you've made in life, you know that they have helped to mold you into the great,beautiful,witty woman you are today and soo i say would you have really changed any of your lifes lessons! hugz,busty

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:03 am:
Busty.....no...I wouldn't change any of my life's lessons. You are right.....we are shaped by what life hands us. Thanks Busty...and great big ~hugs~ to you!

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F

7/26/2006 8:28 am

In the past I thought "only if"...but I realize that I won't be the person I am today without the complete journey. {=}

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:04 am:
Mrsprag......and what a wonderful person you are!

HBowt2 60F

7/26/2006 8:57 am

if only i knew where to start answering this one...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:04 am:
HB......I know what you mean!

Looking0100 55M

7/26/2006 9:04 am


I do not think that I have any "if any" moments. That sounds like regret. I love myself and my life, even if I am a virgin with only online friends. I love that you support me here at your blog. But, I also need for you to support me at my blog, once in a while.

You are a good and true friend. Thank you for being my friend.

I could give you a bunch of "do overs". They are as follows:

Regrets, Do Overs, If Onlys

I wish I had not given my girlfriend money online
I wish I had not hurt ShayeDk in retaliation
I wish I was not a 43 year old virgin
I wish I had not lived an isolated life
I wish I had a loving family
I wish I had not tried to date [blog hippie_square]

Those are six. Good enough for now. They are not regrets. I do not regret that they happened. I wish I could redo my life and make it different. But, I am stuck with the way things are. A good blog friend of mine very recently told me that we learn from our mistakes and grow, becoming better people. I truly believe that.

I am so sorry about your family history. But, you can learn from that and not repeat those mistakes. Just love your husband and let him love you. I do not recall my parents ever arguing. My family never talked about feelings. I do remember that my mother and father would generally be on separate floors. They would not talk. He usually stayed upstairs until meal time. My mother stayed downstairs. My parents stayed together until my mother died in '98 at age 77. My father died in '03 at age 91.

Give you some more hugs,

Jon C.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:06 am:
Jon....my parents are still together too. Their "fights" were worse in my little childhood mind than they were in real life. But it did shape the way I react when other people have a "rant" in life.

Greekgirl4u06 40F

7/26/2006 9:18 am

i have a million if onlys myself, but my biggest one is if i had only stayed home that new years eve 7 years ago i wouldnt have met and married and now divorcing the biggest mistake of my life.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:08 am:
Greekgirl.....it's too bad we can't have "do overs" in life, isn't it?

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
7/26/2006 9:51 am

yup... I have been in that classroom of life more than
once...believe I graduated from that one..with honors.

I don't do that shit anymore.
Live in present time...that is where the power and the
joy and the peace and all that jazz IS...

learn from the past and then MOVE ON...
life is too short to play out with the drama of yesterday
as you can't CHANGE it... you can choose to make plans to
correct the course and sail on today and tomorrow though.

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:09 am:
Goddess....you are absolutely right here. My biggest problem now is how to stop myself from reacting in the same way when things today trigger the child from yesterday.

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
7/26/2006 9:54 am

OHhhh yeah...and just another notek, Angel...
I used to have the crown on my head FOR that kind of thinking...
being raised in a family of alcoholics that taught that love recognition was about how much you could DO to be loved and then
growing up and being married to an alcoholic will get you thinking that life is about walking on eggshells for everybody...
..................that thinking damn near killed me...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:10 am:
Yep....I understand! How did you take the crown off?

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
7/26/2006 9:55 am

OHhhh yeah...and just another notek, Angel...
I used to have the crown on my head FOR that kind of thinking...
being raised in a family of alcoholics that taught that love recognition was about how much you could DO to be loved and then
growing up and being married to an alcoholic will get you thinking that life is about walking on eggshells for everybody...
..................that thinking damn near killed me...

I think we are better off just doing lunch

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:11 am:
Lunch is good!

rm_jokondo2 42M
12 posts
7/26/2006 10:16 am

If Only i have money so i can upgrade my account and get connected with U,

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:11 am:
Jo......oh yes....money is a whole other issue, isn't it?

rm_jokondo2 42M
12 posts
7/26/2006 10:30 am

So I can forget about julia [post 421282]

hitched06 52M/52F

7/26/2006 10:58 am

My biggest and most often thought of is, If only i had of come back and married Carrie 20 years ago

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:13 am:
Hitched....well, the two of you are starting a beautiful life together now! Live and enjoy!

rm_mindmeldme 57F
153 posts
7/26/2006 11:10 am

Angel, your posts have been so touching recently. I have been in a deeply introspective phase over the past year, looking back on my adult life and trying to figure out why in the he** I did that, and that and... But one day recently I realized that I was 44 years old and I could easily be on this earth another 44 years, so time to look only forward! Of course my mind often tries to go back to "what WAS I thinking?" but I am learning to stop those thoughts quickly and think instead "What am I going to do next?"

I just have to add here...Your post about your sisters touched me profoundly. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences here.


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:14 am:
MMM.....thank you my friend! What has happened to your blog? Your comments always touch my life in a special way too!

amoldenough 71F
16436 posts
7/26/2006 12:59 pm

Angel-this is such a good post. I think all of us, but especially women, must be born with "if only" stamped indelibly on our brains. We are almost taught that everything is our fault, and we believe it. I still have the "if only's", especially this past year. For years my 25 year old son has been in trouble due to one thing or another. He even spent some time in jail. There were a lot of if only's then, until I realized that he was raised to be a good person, and he made his own choices and chose the wrong path. Everything that has happened to him is due to his own choices. Now If I could only figure out my other if only's.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:17 am:
Amoldenough....you know, you're right.....women are the worst at taking on the problems of the world. And we feel responsible somehow for the things that others "choose" to let into their lives. You are a wise woman!

MillsShipsGayly 52M

7/26/2006 1:12 pm

IF only I were Perfect .... (alannis morisette wrote a great song about that)

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:18 am:
Michael.....thank you for sharing that! We aren't perfect, are we? And yet, we are loved in spite of that imperfection....thank God!


7/26/2006 1:59 pm

If everything....no more {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:18 am:
Mo....amen! Thank you my friend!

mysticdreamangel 62F
2759 posts
7/26/2006 3:40 pm

I grew up in a household similar to yours but it was abusive as well! The one "What if" I heard over and over again...was well if you hadn't gotten pregnant and if you didn't have her...the her was me. Do you know at 50 I still hear those words, you see my Dad has lived from a bottle for a long time now and in his eyes it's my fault...

So What If I hadn't been born?

Guess we all have them!

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:19 am:
Mystic.....I know exactly how you still hear those words! But thank God you were born....what would this world be like without you?

sexyariesgirl 58F

7/26/2006 3:44 pm

Yep Angel I've had many of those "if only" moments. I'm slowly trying to retrain myself to accept the things I can't change and use more caution in the future. I can only be responsible for my own actions....not those of others.

My Mother always let me know that I wasn't wanted....my brothers and sister were 10, 17, and 19 when I was born. She thought she was through having babies. I believed for many years that I was the cause of my Mother's unhappiness....but finally came to realize that she caused that all on her own! Yes, life gave her some terrible situations but the way she reacted to those situations caused the unhappiness....I didn't. It's a hard thing to overcome and it colored the way I looked at life in general for a long time.

These days I try really hard not to fall back into old habits...sometimes I succeed...and sometimes I don't....but I keep trying!

Power To FOK

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:20 am:
sexy....I'm sorry sweetie! But you are right....all we can do is keep trying to overcome these feelings! ~hugs~

rm_aWench4U 62M/62F
741 posts
7/26/2006 3:47 pm


I gave this a lot of thought, and ended up with my pwn Blog post out of it. I addressed your thoughts in greater detail there, but the Cliff Notes version is I do think "if only" on occassion, but not for the reason you may think. Read my Blog if you have the time, and tell me if it makes sense, please?


Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:21 am:
Angela.....I'll go right over and read that blog of yours! Thanks from one Angel to another.

interested13563 54M
2557 posts
7/26/2006 4:26 pm

If only I had the strength to be weak...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:21 am:
Interested.....my friend.....that is so deep!

complexlysimple 35M

7/26/2006 4:34 pm

some of the same as yours ...but I am who I am and I can't really change what someone else is feeling ...I can provide an opportunity for them to change ...but I can't change them ... afterall that's what free will is all about ...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:23 am:
Complexly....what a wise comment that was! Free will can be both a blessing and a curse sometimes, can't it?

redrobin012057 61F

7/26/2006 4:58 pm

You forgot about the *maybe's* the *what if's* *if I had done this or that* a lot of probabilities Angel.There were lots of questions I wanted to ask my mother and father.... not waiting 30 years later only for my Aunt to bad mouth my mother..(in her eyes,her brother, my father, could do no wrong)God rest my mother's soul,and I'll be f**ked to say, god rest my fathers soul either.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:24 am:
Red.....I know what you are saying here. I have realized recently that there are a few things I need to ask my mom too....and I don't want to wait until it's too late! Thanks Robin!

spacecadet561 61M

7/26/2006 5:15 pm

Unfortunately, I fear that C.S.Lewis was right: "This is the only of all possible worlds." The choices we have made have brought us to where we are. Some of us are victims of our upbringings, others have overcome our less than stellar beginnings to become better than most people expected. All we can do is our best to make this a better world than we found. Some do it by creating new and wonderful things. Some do it by protecting the creators and inventors from those who would destroy everything.


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:25 am:
Spacecadet.....C.S. Lewis is a wise man! If we all tried to make this world just slightly better.....it would be wonderful! Thanks for such a wonderful comment!

frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
7/26/2006 5:41 pm

"If only" Evil Ex would grow up (yeh right!) and stop using Little Frangi as a tool to try and hurt me...

Sometimes we just have to realise, people won't change...

Frangi x

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:28 am:
Frangi.......isn't it awful when someone uses an innocent child as a pawn! I'm sorry you have to go through all of this! Are you getting excited about your trip?

clitalicious67 50F

7/26/2006 6:25 pm

Yes I have many if only's but the one that still haunts me most...is my first marriage...when I realized I had married Satan himself...and I think if only I hadn't been so naive, if only I had listened to my friends, if only I knew what the red flags were...but with that being said...I could sit and if only my life away...so I have learned to accept my mistakes knowing that I have learned something from each and every one of them...

Hugs to you!


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:29 am:
C......We can't sit and wish our life away...you are right there! We will continue to make mistakes....we just have to learn from them and move on as a better person!

rm_devilsgrin69 52M
223 posts
7/26/2006 6:30 pm

If Only...

I took advantage of the female offerings when they were offered to me.
I was sooooo dense in high school, did not realize till to late, but made up for it in college.

PS some of those offers, were offered again 20yrs later.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:32 am:
Grins....you know...my husband has some of those same regrets! Thanks for being here today.

bigandtallreturn 38M

7/26/2006 6:35 pm

Mine are usually of the self-depracating variety...

"If I wasn't such a loser..."
"If I didn't suck so bad..."
"If I wasn't so God-damn pathetic..."

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:32 am:
Big.....you are NONE of those things! I'm going to have to ~hug~ you in person! Big time!

electriccompany 53M

7/26/2006 6:57 pm

longleggedkitty's reply in her post of Gotta love a chauvinist world got me to thinking about an "if only"

There was a woman I worked with a looong time ago. Married, but not happily. Long story kinda short: She said she was miffed that her husband wasn't paying this drop-dead gorgeous woman any attention.

"Hell, Lady! Let's teach his ass a lesson. You'n'me. Dinner'n'Date?" I half-way kidded. Half-way! After some hemming and hawing, we made a date!!!!!!

HO-LEEEE CRAP! (In a good way!) Then a few days before the date, she breaks it off. HO-LEEEE CRAP! (In a bad way!) She said thanks to me, she found the guts to really corner him about their relationship. Worked out great for them, f***ed-up in reverse for me. But eventually, I could be happy for them.

IF ONLY... I had tried one more time. (Her husband mighta pounded the ho-lee crap outta me!)

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:39 am:
Electric......do you know how much you make me smile? You are a mystery to me.

impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
7/26/2006 7:46 pm

I've recently given up my "if only's"...and I gotta tell you I've never been HAPPIER!! Good luck to you getting rid of yours. (Don't we need to do lunch or something soon???)

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:39 am:
Impish....I'm trying to give them up! And lunch would be wonderful! Tell me when.

marywannado 44F

7/26/2006 8:22 pm

"If only" I would've never done the thimgs I have in my past, maybe my future would've been a better place...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:40 am:
Mary....but we can move on....and use those lessons to make our life better!

Passion247000 47F
3195 posts
7/26/2006 8:28 pm

U moved me! so sorry to hear about the effects of childhood experiences....this is one of my sore spots... I am really sensitive to childhood trauma/abuse!!!

I have too many "if onlys" that I don't know where to begin...sigh{{{{{{{

hugs to ya

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:41 am:
Passion....your sigh moved me too! ~hugs~ right back at you!

electriccompany 53M

7/26/2006 11:24 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    If only I'd found this place when I was about 20..I'd kicked some ass then...ya all would have open my eyes way ahead of time.
LOOK! It's the Energizer Huny!
Still blogging... and blogging... and blogging...

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:42 am:
Cute Electric!

florallei 100F

7/26/2006 11:41 pm

I was raised by nannies and servants while my parents left the country to pursue their own interest...the feeling of abandonment was there...when I got married and my ex became possessive and obssessed...I too thought...if I could do better...he'd be happy...when he ran off witn an 18 year old...I did believe I made him leave like my parents left me...today I won't re-marry so I can control who I will be with. I have improved a lot but there is that lingering bad taste.

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:43 am:
Flor....I know all about that lingering bad taste! We should talk sometime!

xxxtallorderxxx 47M

7/27/2006 2:07 am

my IF ONLY was i should have gone to a private boarding school/college instead of state school, but at the time hated the idea of not being at home. I could have had a better job etc

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 3:45 am:
tall....I guess if we really just indulge ourselves in pity...we could all have too many regrets. Thanks for this comment!

moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
7/27/2006 4:41 am

I believe we all have lots of if onlys but we can't go back and do anything about them...so instead of being weighed down by regrets...we can sift through and find some valuable thing to learn from them and move on...the past only brings us to the future...hopefully wiser...

kind thoughts,

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 5:29 am:
Moonfire.....those are wise words! So, I can take it that you have learned to do just this. I think that I've moved on and learned my lessons....and then something crops up that just brings back that feeling deep inside of you. Thanks Moonfire.

rm_shannee2006 53F
3355 posts
7/27/2006 5:20 pm

I always do the if only thing when I don't please people. If I do something that turns a man off, or irritates him or disappointed him, then I'm bummed with myself.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 7:20 pm:
Shanee....I can relate to that totally! Why do we do this?

VATraveler1948 69M

7/27/2006 6:49 pm

Not too many "what if's" in my life but I have a bunch of "glad I did's".

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 7:20 pm:
VAT....would you like to expound on those a little?

VTLakesideVixen 61F
458 posts
7/27/2006 9:04 pm

Angel, I have so very many "if only's" and "what if's" in my life--that they can depress me for a week when I start thinking about them . . . Now if I could go back and change some things--but wait--I wouldn't have my same two wonderful daughters or grandsons!!!!
So I guess things better stay the way they are--at least for now anyways . . . .I'll just have to work on the others I guess-whew!

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/27/2006 10:18 pm:
VT....I know just what you mean! It's a good thing we don't get to have "do overs".....or we would have missed out on our kids and grandkids! Thanks for a great comment sweetie!

rm_javabinz 57M/44F
33 posts
7/28/2006 2:16 am

westerners are quite interesting. all u guys&gals seem to have forgotten what holds a society together. its family. now, u ask, whats family minded folks like us doing on AdultFriendFinder, and, not with his/her wife. after family there is life. can we put u on our friends list? we'd luv 2.


angelofmercy5 replies on 7/28/2006 6:16 am:
Java.....thanks for stopping by here today! And you are right....family is what holds society together! I'd love to be on your friends list....and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better through your blog!


7/28/2006 5:20 am

Angel: The "what ifs" can be a burden. I have collected many in my strange life. But when they start to crowd in on my present, I love to turn to music. It so often my torch to drive back the darkness.

All my life's a circle;
But I can't tell you why;
Season's spinning round again;
The years keep rollin' by.

It seems like I've been here before;
I can't remember when;
But I have this funny feeling;
That we'll all be together again.

No straight lines make up my life;
And all my roads have bends;
There's no clear-cut beginnings;
And so far no dead-ends.

Circle/Harry Chapin

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/28/2006 6:17 am:
Noglory.....I love your handle! And your wise words. Music plays an important part in my lie too.....thanks so much for reminding me. And for the the Harry Chapin! Come back again soon!

libgemOH 57M/53F

7/30/2006 7:00 am

How'd I miss this post?????

~note to self...read Angel more often, she's a smart cookie!~

This is how I lived my life. And it was all about ME!! I had control over EVERYONE's emotions and it was up to me to make them all happy.... and if they were not happy, I swam in the if only's.

Until I started drowning in the if only's.....

It's a hard realization to come by when you suddenly find out that it's NOT all about me, that I do NOT have control over everyone else's emotions and that I CANNOT make everyone else happy, nor is it my responsibility.

I too, am a fixer. Want proof? Read my post from yesterday....

I'm starting to think all us fixers need to live in an idyllic world where everyone's happy....kinda like those Wal-Green commercials!! But then, we'd start trying to fix each other and really drive each other nuts!! Love you Angel!! -B

angelofmercy5 replies on 7/30/2006 7:24 am:
B....I love you too! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only fixer! Thanks for a great comment here.

LaGrande10 48M
6 posts
8/3/2006 5:37 am


rm_cutevian 38F
10 posts
2/28/2007 11:09 am

    Quoting luvtolick64154:
    If only I had slowed down to smell the roses.

    If only I had gone to more of my daughters school functions.

    If only I had looked at where I was, instead of where I thought I wanted to be.

    If only I had realized, that I already had everything I wanted.

    These things, I now know. So I walk a bit slower, take time to watch my grandson grow, enjoy where I'm at, and most of all. Love the greatest woman a guy could ever know.
I really dont have too many "What ifs" because i take full responsiblity for any and everything I do and definitely for not what others do. I believe so much in that "living the things I cannot change shit" Sorry I cant remember the real poem! lol

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