A not so brief who am I post  

alGeek 51M
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2/16/2006 2:10 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A not so brief who am I post

[thinking of Zaphod Beebbrox's shrink] John's juzzt zis guy, you know? [smug over successful shrink grin].

I'd like to think I'm just an average ordinary kind of guy. But when I tell my story, even the disney version, people start to look at me funny and often say things like "wow! You been through alot!" or "That's pretty amazing." Then tend to edge away from me. I think mostly because they feel intimidated (silly) or out of fear (why does having been a soldier inspire fear?) or who knows what. Maybe because I tend to be very real, and have little desire to be anything but.

Often times people that know me say I'm almost always frowning, which I think is funny because I think I'm almost always walking arround with this idiot grin on my face. After all, the world is a really cool place, or can be.

There's been huge, read bigger than most can imagine, bigger than hollywood can portray, amounts of sadness in my life. And, I think equally huge amounts of joy and excitment and good things as well. I guess that's my own personal meadure of success in life. How can you recognize one withotu a solid experience of the other to contrast it with?

I feel like I've done alot in my life. I'e set big goals for myself and have achieved them. Set more and am working on those now and have every intention of accomplishing them. Ok, one of the more recent "big" deals is that I went to Iraq, got blown up, and came home. I was a Scout in the national guard. Suffice it to say that any deployed military life is not easy, by most civilian standards. Being a scout makes that times ten or more harder. And I liked that aspect of it. I liked the challenge and if I was going to do something, I wanted it to be significant and have the potential to have an impact.
I wanted to be part of the effort to seek out and fight terrorism. When my guard unit was notified we were going to Iraq, I was excited because I felt this was my chance to make a difference to the Iraqi people and everything I had heard about them made me think they needed help. They do, I did my best and i think while I was there, I had a positive impact. While there I taught myself to speak Arabic, tried to learn as much as I could about the people I was there to help and their culture, etc. While on patrol, my humvee got blown up by an IED. They think it was four stacked anti-tank mine's. Ok, so the picture I attached to this blog is my humvee. You'll notice the whole front end missing. That's what happens when four anti-tank mines go off underneath you. It isn't pretty. Not everyone survived, but that's a topic for my myspace site and not this one. So anyways, it wasn't fun, I was injured pretty baddly and it's taken me over a year and a half to be able to walk again and so forth. But I can and with my clothes on I look just like I did before I got blown up. I have a few bad days, but don't we all? If you ever doubt war is warrible, come talk to me and I think I can convince you that it is and that you should in fact avoid joining the military like you might avoid the plague, unless your ideals demand that you serve. And remember that in choosing to serve, you give up your choice to say what and where you will serve. I ahve a huge amount of mixed feelings about the war, about the military, and this coutnry. I rant on my other blog sometimes, but mostly I think I'd rather focus on moving on to other things in life. I've done my bit and then some for king and country.

ok, so I love my job. I'm a geek and work for the evil empire. It's a great place to work and if you want to write and help create the latest and greatest that everyone is most likely goign to use or see, well it's the place to be. No tthe only place, but definately a good place.

I'm also finnishing up my four year degree in CS, after a 13 year or so break. I'm doing it all online and kind of like not having to go to classes but miss socializing that goes with it. hence me joining this service.

I like that this site seems pretty sex and eroticism focus. I was once a very erortic person. I haven't changed much, if at all in my appearance, except for some annoying grey hairs which I tend to ignore, but I lost touch with the part of myself that enjoyed sex for pleasure's sake. I don't blame past partners for that as it was me that changed, not them.
I used to write out fantasy's just for the sheer pleasure it gave me to imagine such things. Expect to see some of that in this blog.

When you deploy to war, certainly this is true for me, all you want is to do come home. But that's easy to dream and hope for. It's much harder to do.

I've learned that in fact you never go home. I have to start again and figure out what home is. So far that has involved me getting back into being a geek, which I am happily becoming successful at.

I want it to also mean getting back into enjoying the expression and pleasure that goes with sex. I miss pleasuring a woman. Enjoying the sight of her. The sound of her breath as waves of pleasure wash over her. The look in her eye as she looks at me with lust and hunger. The sight of a beautifull female body, every last bit of it. The taste of her skin. The scent of her. Of her breath. Her pits. Her pussy. all of her. Ok, farts might be a bit much, I'll pass on that one
I don't have the time, nor really the desire, to go out to dance clubs and get roaring drunk whilst trying to convinc some sexy gal I'm the guy she should go home with tonight and fuck with. Truthfully, like many people, when i got out of college, got going in my career and started thinking about meeting someone again, well I was and am completely at a loss as to how to go abou tit. It's easy in college because there's a huge pile of boys and girls piled together all the time and often required to interact with each other. Not so much in the real world, or not as freel as in school.
Nor do I choose to see this dating/meeting service as a meat market.
Rather, i'd like to think of it as a way to simply meet people, easily share who we are, and provide a basis for meeting in person. I'm not keen on long drawn out email relationships. I want to at the minimum talk to women in person and at least enjoy the seeing them, if not more.

I don't know about a serious long term relationship. I'd like that, but realisticly I don't have huge amounts of free time. And when i do have free time, I'd like to spend it productivly rather than just sitting at home watching tv or going to a bar or whatever. I love to hike and often that's exactly what I do.

That being said, if I meet someone that really knocks my socks off, well I wont turn away from that. Hopefully she's as busy and as ambitious as I am.
However, what seems more likely is meeting a friend or more with benefits. one or more women to go out and do things with now and then, someone I felt comfortable with calling and saying, "You busy tonight? I'd love to come over or have you over for a snuggle or more."

It seems like there's at least a few women looking for somthing similar. hopefully I'll click with at least one or two.

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