If You Can't Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen  

absolutelynormal 57F
6016 posts
3/7/2007 9:41 pm

Last Read:
3/10/2007 7:00 pm

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen

I love to cook. Now that I have a boyfriend, I get to cook all the time, that is when I can keep him out of my kitchen. Ya see, he loves to cook too.

Sunday we went to World Market where he bought a wok. He's used it twice since then.

I worked on Monday, when I got off work I called him and said, let's go get Chinese. His reply was I'm at your house cooking Chinese, come home!

For those of you who don't know, Rocky and I started out as friends with benefits two years ago. I'd never had one of those before, so it was a new experience for me, one that took a lot of getting used to.

We had a talk the other night about it.

Go back a year, he asked me to go to Indiana with him to visit friends. I took that as something positive. In my mind he wanted his friends to meet me.

So we head out to Buffalo Wild Wings in Indianapolis to watch the game. Friends of friends joined us. Friend of friend asks how we met, Rocky says on Match. How long have you been dating she inquires. He says, oh we're not dating.

Not being used to a friend with benes thing, this hurt my feelings so bad, I cried about it. When we talked about this, he admitted that it was a defense move on his part. He was afraid he said.

Now I am confused.

I love him but I don't want to. I am afraid. We keep swapping places. We are hardly ever on the same page, that scares me.

He's quiet emotionally. I want to know where I stand with him, I need reassurance but am afraid to ask for it.

When I first came to this place, I couldn't understand why everyone here thought so differently than I do. I long for belonging, family, or so I thought. Now I am wondering if being alone isn't the way to do things. It's so much easier and MUCH less painful.

frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
3/8/2007 3:59 am

No it's not and you know it...

Talk about things, as cliche as it sounds, I believe it!!

Hugs Mac,

Frangi x

scubasteve31907 58M
3607 posts
3/8/2007 4:25 am

Love is not easy. And trust me on this one. You want to talk about, get it all out in the open. Say what you truly feel, want and need. Hopefully he will too. Then work towards those things if you can. But please don't pretend or ignore what it really is, good or bad. Life is short, you have every right to be happy. Don't spend years pretending, stand up and say the things that need to be said and encourage him too.
If it was easy, we would all be living happily ever after. Some of us are picking up the pieces and others have no clue.

Come visit me

Love is like war. Easy to start, Hard to stop, and Impossible to forget.

ABiGirl4ABiGirl 45F  
2926 posts
3/8/2007 1:15 pm

I hear ya girl. I have the same type of struggle with Luigi. I'm ahead of him on this thing, but yet he won't really tell me completely where he actually is. He admitted he's built a wall around his feelings, because of the women before me. This explains alot, but doesn't rectify the situation a bit. I wrote in his V-day card that I loved him, and he fells like he owes me a response, but still isn't sure what exactly it is. Here I am moving in with him, agreeing that, for now, it's temporary. Men are strange sometimes, especially when they won't tell you how they feel. Luigi's an amazing man though & I can't imagine my life without him anymore. It'll all work out for you & me both, just don't give up!



GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
3/8/2007 1:32 pm

The commentz before me said more than I can ....

~ ponderz ~

ProtonicMan 49M

3/8/2007 7:48 pm

"I love him but I don't want to."
I don't know if this will help at all, but I'll throw it out there for you to consider: Love is precious. Give it and take it wherever, however, whenever you can find it. If you can make it while you take it, so much the better.

If you ever figure out what I wrote there, will you explain it to me?

"We keep swapping places. We are hardly ever on the same page, that scares me."
Being at different points in a relationship is tiresome. I know how frustrating that can be.

Hugs, my friend.


chas4037 69M
4119 posts
3/9/2007 3:23 pm

W, we say "falling in love" because you've got to LET GO with both hands before you can do it. You can't fall if you've still got one hand clinging to what ever is holding you back, and he can't either.

Maybe it is time to hang on to each other and simply take that leap, together!

Good luck to you, my friend, and to Rocky too.


rm_evy53 64F
2231 posts
3/10/2007 8:11 am

So let me get this straight--the friend with benefits is now the boyfriend? Is that right? And if it is, then that gives me hope. Maybe someday my fwb will be my boyfriend...I keep telling those closest to me that I want Mr. X to be my boyfriend...the other day he called me "Angel." Do you think there is any hope? Evy

The Feral Woman

JustaSeeker 107F

3/10/2007 8:50 am

I really, really, really get this. And I agree that talking about it the only solution. Being alone just gives you a different kind of pain. xoxoJ

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