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Blogs > aascrompn > The Shit I Say

Today's Thinking  

aascrompn 49M
4366 posts
11/27/2012 6:08 am

Last Read:
11/28/2012 8:15 am
Today's Thinking

I hate days like today. I have an interview.

For whatever reason, since this interview has been scheduled, I've had it linger in the back of my mind. Part of the anxiety that I've had for the last 8 years is going out. It's gotten a TON better, but I've noticed that if I really don't want to do something, it can surface again. I'm fairly certain that it stems from 8 years of not dealing with things correctly and that it just takes some getting used to again. I still can't figure out why I wouldn't want to go. I mean I guess if it's anything, it's because it's either that it's a long damn drive or it's because of the interview I had the Friday before Thanksgiving. When I got to the location, I was about 45 minutes early. That's when it hit me. I was early and had nothing to do. I think I was bored and also not really wanting to be there. This job description was all over the place and the money SUCKED for what they said they wanted. I really didn't feel like being there. I've also noted that I hate waiting. This could stem from my computer work. When I type a command, I'm given what I want immediately.

Thankfully, it's not bad this morning. Actually, it's non-existent, but something tells me it COULD be there later when I start my travels. I just hate that. This is the hard part. Now, I have to start implementing things I'm reading for a more positive mindset. In a book I've recently purchased, a tip is, "Take Action". The more I sit around, the more apprehension takes place. So, I have some things to do now to start said action. I have to get my clothes ready. They normally would be, but I knew I needed to have something to do before 1PM when I'm going to leave La Casa De AAS to the appointment. It's set for 2:30. I would leave at 12:30, but I don't want to just wait in the parking lot again for forever. Thankfully, when I'm "in the moment" of interviews, the nervousness goes away. Unfortunately, I am going to pack my security blanket (beer) for a "just in case" moment.

Although I've made huge strides, I'm still far from "normal". I don't know if it's ever possible to get back there, but I'm still trying. This time, I'm bringing a book with me if I can sit still enough to read it.

~AAS

DIVISION77 47M
8325 posts
11/27/2012 6:46 am

 crompn,

One thing I noticed from reading about your anxiety issues, is the fact you seem to dwell and think about them too much.

If you can, consider the fact that you have your security blanket in the car and try to let go of your anxious thoughts.

Don't worry about things that are out of your control.

Focus on your workouts and be proactive in your dating life.

The demons might always be there, lurking in the shadows, but you need to develop coping mechanisms to keep them at bay so you can live your life.

Occupy your time...


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


aascrompn 49M
6445 posts
11/27/2012 7:02 am
    Quoting DIVISION77:
    crompn,

    One thing I noticed from reading about your anxiety issues, is the fact you seem to dwell and think about them too much.

    If you can, consider the fact that you have your security blanket in the car and try to let go of your anxious thoughts.

    Don't worry about things that are out of your control.

    Focus on your workouts and be proactive in your dating life.

    The demons might always be there, lurking in the shadows, but you need to develop coping mechanisms to keep them at bay so you can live your life.

    Occupy your time...

You're exactly correct. This is part of the disorder. That's why I try to stay busy as much as possible. How I react to certain conditions should be in my control. I actually think it's regular nervousness to be expected before an interview, but my body exasperates things. Having the beer there will help, for sure. Usually one beer can knock down the actually jitters to a reasonable rate. My goal is to always avoid it if possible. Every time I get through these minor challenges, I win.


imfun269 55F

11/27/2012 9:59 am

 ~AAS

Anxiety can control us. I have to deal with it myself. You are right it is much more intense the more you dont want to do something. Words of advice for you is if you are there early again. Go park down the street and walk. Take your journal along and write. Focus on the positives. Your 12 week program you are working on. The changes you will make, etc. Heck, if the anxiety demons are taking over go work out. Turn the music up so you drum out the thoughts and go. Call or text a friend, etc. I deal with it so i have to push on some things. I also have a dog with severe anxiety as well so that has helped mine dealing with hers and helping her through it!!! (by no means am I comparing our anxiety issues to my dog, however, like I said it has helped me!)
Check out my blog. Leave a comment or become a watcher!!

imfun269


aascrompn 49M
6445 posts
11/27/2012 2:51 pm
    Quoting imfun269:
    ~AAS

    Anxiety can control us. I have to deal with it myself. You are right it is much more intense the more you dont want to do something. Words of advice for you is if you are there early again. Go park down the street and walk. Take your journal along and write. Focus on the positives. Your 12 week program you are working on. The changes you will make, etc. Heck, if the anxiety demons are taking over go work out. Turn the music up so you drum out the thoughts and go. Call or text a friend, etc. I deal with it so i have to push on some things. I also have a dog with severe anxiety as well so that has helped mine dealing with hers and helping her through it!!! (by no means am I comparing our anxiety issues to my dog, however, like I said it has helped me!)
Those are great ideas! The thing that sucks about texting is that when it gets down to that, I often don't have anybody that can text back immediately. They are working, etc... That just drives me more nuts b/c I get frustrated. LMAO - It's been a while since I've used that method, but I used to, for sure.

Today, I didn't have a choice. I HAD to go to that interview. So, I cheated a bit. I drank two beers before going. The drinking got my head out of my head and then I showered, changed and left. I quit drinking at 12 and was there by 2. I wasn't in the least nervous. I cheated, but I have to get a new job. I'll work on me after getting hired (hopefully).


aascrompn 49M
6445 posts
11/27/2012 2:52 pm
    Quoting  :
BS!! I inhale my steaks. I just can't help it. Me loves steak... not as much as I love you, but it's close.


DIVISION77 47M
8325 posts
11/27/2012 6:20 pm
    Quoting aascrompn:
    You're exactly correct. This is part of the disorder. That's why I try to stay busy as much as possible. How I react to certain conditions should be in my control. I actually think it's regular nervousness to be expected before an interview, but my body exasperates things. Having the beer there will help, for sure. Usually one beer can knock down the actually jitters to a reasonable rate. My goal is to always avoid it if possible. Every time I get through these minor challenges, I win.
...apropos, I also believe that when you have your "down periods" it's due to you not being able to keep a handle over your anxiety and depression.

I have a hunch that you dwell in the past too much.

Our personal failings are challenges, but you can't change the past.

Making the small sacrifices for the greater goal is all you have at this point.

Workouts/Job search...


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


imfun269 55F

11/28/2012 5:47 am

 If you ever need a chat buddy let me know!
Check out my blog. Leave a comment or become a watcher!!

imfun269


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