My Blog, Myself, My Ideas and Toughts are a Farce  

aascrompn 43M
6957 posts
4/6/2006 8:45 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 6:49 am

My Blog, Myself, My Ideas and Toughts are a Farce


In recent events, emails, IM's, comments and all other forms of communication, I have come to the final conclusion. I don't know who the fuck I am or what the fuck I'm looking for.

I started here b/c of an anxiety disorder of which I didn't know anything about. I just am seeking to be happy. My dumbass thought that since I can't seem to find a date in "real life", or on traditional dating sites, that I would at least seek happiness. That's not too much to ask for is it? I have sexual needs too.

I started blogging b/c of the interaction w/ others and found this site to be unique in that people write about everything from sex to politics. I loved that. I found my blogging to be very helpful to myself. I started gathering readers who, for whatever reason, liked my blog. At the time, I was hopefull. I was determined that I too, could get laid. Then reality hit me.

The beautiful women here are no different from the beautiful women anywhere. They are georgious and they can be very selective. They were not selecting me, however. I found that fellow bloggers were a lot more open. I formed crushes... I formed more than a few. I hid behind my words on one, I started talking to my New One (who is located across the ocean), I sent hints to others. I got reality thrown back at me. I realize that my blog is no longer fun. I realize that I'm a whiner. I realize that my two different personalities (here vs. real life) are hindering me. I have an internal struggle that I may not ever be able to straighten out. On one side, in the real world, I am a fun person to be around. I am witty. I have a slight bad boy tendancy, I usually have a smile on my face, I'm always up for the party. Here, I am open about my hurt, my pain, my desires, my passion, about everything that I would never admit to anybody in "real life".

I realize that I'm not giving everybody the real truth. I can't say that I know the real truth anymore. I live in two worlds. I live in the real world, and I live online. I like my online entity better, as I can share anything. If I were to attempt to be this nice in "real life", it screams of me seeking validation and women won't give you more than 5 mins. If I do it here, I am simply hiding behind the line, "this is my blog..." I am truthful here. I am also whiny here, and I hate that. I am not the person I thought I was. I have turned bitter. I have lost numerous fronts here. I have come to be complacent w/ others who care for me here... I've basically just given up on my quest.

My New One is a great person. I at least hope that She will still chat w/ me. She seems to understand both of my worlds. I just wish I had a hologram, instead of this two dimensional shit I'm currently in. I wish I could combine something else into the mix to make this work. I hate searching for love. I want to believe that it will eventually find me, but it hasn't yet. I'm running out of time.

It's now Spring time. People are doing a lot of Spring cleaning w/in their relationships. I feel like I'm missing the boat. They are currently finding their next Spring fling. Nobody had found me yet, online or in the real world.

I am not crashing. I'm beyond that. I crashed a long time ago, but have been dragging the after affects out. I thank all of you that have held onto my burning fusalauge, but I feel that it's about at it's final run.

Soul searching? Too tired for that! Self pity! That damn phrase again! Yes, I pity myself. I just wanted to be happy. That's why I was here. I have certainly not acheived that!

AAS, out!

caressmewell 55F

4/6/2006 9:17 am

You know that not eveyone has success on this site. You also know that sometimes we try to hard and we need to take a break and stop looking..who knows what may sneak up on us.


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:38 am:
If it hasn't snuck up on me in 5 months, when do you suppose it will??

catseyes23 62F

4/6/2006 9:39 am

We all go through lifes ills, Aascrom.

I feel your words. Just don't give up. Believe in yourself, that is what life is all about, believing in oneself, because that is one hell of a melting pot out there in this world of ours.


Cats...


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:39 am:
It is truly hard to believe in yourself when you are lacking the only inspiration that seems to drive your everyday actions.

jadedbabe78 107F

4/6/2006 10:03 am

Sweetie, we all have failures. Even the women have failures with meeting either the next great one or trying to meet the next best thing -- a fling. It happens to us all.

And maybe it is because on the blogs we all share how we *really* feel. Should we be punished for it? Hell no. And this is why....if someone doesn't want you for ALL parts of you...be it a friend, lover, or more....they are not worth it. That is my opinion, but that's how I feel. if someone won't accept you for how you are here AND how you are in RL...then fuck 'em.

Just fuck 'em if they don't want to take you for everything that *YOU* are.

~Jadey


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:40 am:
You have very valid points, but beauty can sway decisions (for me) quickly. She would almost make me want to change... That is really giving away my personal power, isn't it?

EyeCandy33333 46F
761 posts
4/6/2006 11:23 am

It's like Tom Cruise said in that movie-sometimes you've just got to learn to say "What the fuck" or something like that-just be-I think we have periods of thinking-reflectively-I just have been in one-still in it a bit.
It's Spring-we want so much-we want to be happy-romance-passion-and(I don't know about you all-but I want some hot sex too)!C'mon let's have a hot summer-all of us-we're all friends(like family) here!
T


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:42 am:
You don't live too far from me... We can have a hot summer. Heh.

twirly_girl 48F

4/6/2006 11:57 am

I completely agree and understand what you are saying.
I'm terribly shy in person. LOL

I think it's why we search for that "special someone".
Because we can share both of these worlds with that one
person. Be open, sharing, wild, goofy, predictable, hard headed,
whatever your personalities are in the on-line world vs real life.
I always hope to find someone whom I can be myself with no matter
what. Combine both worlds personalities with that one person.

I can't see why you'd have a problem meeting someone special on this site or any site OR IN PERSON for that matter. You seem alright to me.


-Nikki


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:43 am:
You know what? I can't believe I'm having a hard time either!! I think I have a lot to offer, but these women just have better options, I think. Even if I could just get them to talk to me on IM would make me feel better, but I can't even get that to happen. How about a "thanks, but I'm seeing someone... If I weren't, I would see you." That would make my year.

bardicman 51M

4/6/2006 12:26 pm

I will but Aascrompn a spell check if someone will give him some pussy.

I can vouch for him being a nice funny guy in person.
What? are you expecting me to admit he is a great lover too?



I am not dead yet


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:44 am:
You're just saying that b/c I slapped your ass!

Jeepidiot 44M

4/6/2006 3:43 pm

You know you and I do seem to have the same thoughts on things. It's scary actually. I completely agree with this blog.

I came here just looking to be the wild guy. Never was before and it seemed to me that all the time I was trying to be the "nice guy" it was all the wild guys that were having fun with the women I wanted to have fun with.

Well it's hard to change the way I am. And apparently who I am isn't helping me here. I'm a whiner also and I've been told that on more than one occassion. You commented on my blog about thinking before you blog. I generally end up removing the blogs that I think I'm whining too much in so I'm hiding myself. I do think I'm much more interesting in person than on here. It's just trying to get someone to take the step to actually meet that seems to be my problem. Oh they'll chat and tell you they want to meet but damn if they don't give an excuse when you ask.

If you want to take a break, then take a break. Make people miss you. That will show them how great you are.

Oh and not to say that women might not have a hard time meeting people on here, but you honestly have no way near as hard of a time as us guys do. There are hundreds of thousands more guys here than women. That means we men have to really stand out if we want to have a chance. Women don't have to pay for this site to get noticed. Guys have to go Gold just to get seen. Then we have to compete with the ripped guys with 12" schlongs and profiles full of arrogance disguised as confidence(they'll even tell you it's confidence).

Oh wow. I stepped up on my soapbox again and tramped all over someone elses blog. I'm sorry. I'll get down now.


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 8:49 am:
I think I can relate to everything that you're saying as well... Yes, I did say to think before you blog. I actually slept on this before I wrote it. I can't remove these posts. They are what they are. Just trying to get them to take the step?? Yes, impossible.

I agree that the women might have no idea of how hard it truly is for us males. It's very, very difficult to stand out here. Yes, the ripped guys make it impossible for me. 12" schlongs? I'd be happy w/ more than two... LMAO

I love that you had sooo much to say here! Vent all you want!

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
4/6/2006 7:02 pm

Aas..

Look, I know that you feel that maybe we dont understand what you are going thorugh inside that intelligent head of yours, and that's ok, but what you can NOT deny is that we all care about you and the person you are in your blog. Most of us dont know the RL person known as Mike, only you and the people that you know in the Atlanta area and your family know how you are in RL, and that's ok too. What you have to understand is the people that know you in RL, for the most part, care about you and the person you are. There are similarities in you between both identities, and the goal for you is to find a happy medium where you can be the same person both here on AdultFriendFinder and in RL.

Men have ben chasing women for millions of years and to date, that whole process has not been perfected. If it had ben perfected, we would all have lovers, girlfriends, and wives. But because relationships are hard, we men are still chasing women and at times we get turned down, rebuked, denied and told "no". My friend in my 39 years, I have been with a lot of women, more than 20, and I have fallen in love with 2 of them. You have to be patient, you have to not worry, and you have to not be LOOKING for it. you are still young, you are not running out of time, you have a lot of life left and you have only begun to experience it. e-n-j-o-y life, embrace it, take it one day at a time, and dont let things get you down.

I have not been in a relationship for THREE years, and I too wonder when I will find that one person that will love me for the person I am, either the identity I am on here or the identity I am in real life, which believe it or not, are BOTH the same person. you have to be yourself, be true to who you are, and not put up fake walls and fake pretenses as to who you really are.

Life is a journey, and that journey is filled with a lot of bumps in the road. I firmly believe there is someone out there for each and every one of us, the hard part is finding them. My final word of advice is this...

Stop working so hard at finding love, stop looking so hard at finding love, and believe it or not, it will find you before you realize it.

My two cents...

Scott


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 11:03 am:
I'm not denying that I have people that care about me. I'm simply saying that even though I know you guys care, the ones that I want to care just don't seem to acknowledge me... I am the real me here... I should merge the differing personalities...

It's really hard to enjoy life when I'm not getting what I'm truly searching for.

It will find me sooner or later? You've been waiting for three years???? Does that not seem like a long time to you? I don't mean to be rude, but damn, I just can't fathom having to wait that long for the only thing that I really want in life!

I do truly appreciate all of your comments and wisdom! I've learned a lot from you (not how to quit smoking yet). Thank you!

LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
4/6/2006 7:37 pm

Life is not about having a beautiful woman on your arm. But having the right woman, beautiful or not, makes life more fulfilling. Maybe you are looking for beauty in the wrong place...look at her heart, not her face.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 11:05 am:
I agree... and disagree. I've always been drawn in by beauty. I understand that it's purely in the eye of the beholder, but I can't seem to shake what I'm attracted to! I've tried before 3 or 4 times. Now, beauty is deeper than appearence. I've broken up w/ georgious women because they were just plain stupid!

LustyTaurus 50M
21253 posts
4/6/2006 9:43 pm

I don't know whether to laugh, cry or bitch slap ya...LMAO

I understand the struggle...I have it too.

lustytaurus


aascrompn replies on 4/7/2006 11:05 am:
You can bitch slap me... i probably deserve it!

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
4/7/2006 9:20 am

What about jager and redbull? Goldschloger? Rumplemints? Can you say I'm a drunk?? LMAO


rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
4/7/2006 7:04 pm

Ouch...LOL thanks for that one aas...

Good news is that in reference to my recent physical, the doctor told me that once I am ready to quit again, to come back to his office and let him know. At that point he will help me quit..

I appreciate your comments and I appreciate you visiting my blog, I enjoy reading yours. For those that you care about that aren't hearing you....dont worry about it, they arent for you. find someone that likes you for you.

Stop trying so hard, it will happen, and when it does happen it will hit you like a pile of bricks and you will be all the better because of it.

Scott

"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


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