Know Thyself  

aascrompn 43M
6957 posts
3/14/2006 12:24 pm

Last Read:
10/18/2006 6:25 am

Know Thyself


Today, I've learned quite a bit about myself. Although it's very eye-opening, I can't say that I'm all that excited about the news.

When I stated yesterday that I'm too tired to try this BS online game of chasing (probably in RL too) I meant it. I'm tired of wanting and not acheiving. I'm tired of everything that I try failing on me. I'm just too damn tired. What's worse it that I've never quit anything that I've ever attempted. I usually give 110%. In this area of my life, I've pushed harder than that. All of my efforts have yielded zero for me. I've tried to be agrresive. I've tried to avoid seeking validation. I've tried self defeating jokes in hopes of creating laughs. I've tried to comfort those who I've felt needed it. I've done this to gain friendships in hopes that it could lead to further possibilities. Now, I'm too tired.

It seems that I truly do hate myself and therefor am unavailable for anyone else. This actually, now, makes a lot of sense. My recent drinking has probably been, subconciously, on purpose. You see, it would make sense that I do it so that I'm not liked. I'm pushing people away. This, indirectly, probably means that I'm scared of success. I'm scared of acheiving the only true thing that I want in life - a relationship. It's ok. Now that I know, I'll be sure to avoid them at all costs. Since my mind is going to undermine itself this much, I might as well go ahead and let it. Hopefully, the mind is powerful enough to stuff cotton, sand, or rocks in the whole that it's cut in my heart, but I'll be sure to update you of the results.

What does this mean? What now? I'm here for the sole purpose of entertaining myself while I wander aimlessly through life waiting for my next career break, house purchase, car purchase, etc. I'm not here to have a relationship. Do I need sex? Sure I do. So this is the new deal... Sorry ladies, but I'm no longer available for a relationship. If that's what you are looking for, please move on to the next guy in Bloggland. I wasn't being hit on anyway, so no worries. If you are looking for just sex, I believe that I'm still up for that, but will have to see when the time comes (depends on my alcohol intake). You might want to hurry b/c I may check out my local monistary... I want to be a monk. That way, I have an excuse for not having this grand relationship that I've always wanted. I will be forced to be celebate, but I might be able to live w/ that too.

It really sucks accepting self defeat, but trust me when I say that it is my reality. This is very, very real to me as it stands right now. People seek comfort. I, as everyone else, saught it out, but I won't allow myself to accept it. Life is a bitch.

To whatever friends that I have accumulated while here, please know that I do love you as my friends. I've never lied to any of you about that. I have only lied to myself. So, this news should make a couple, or more, girls feel relieved. I obviously will not, can not, hit on you anymore than I already have. It would only lead (in my dreams) to a relationship that could never happen anyway.

Great day it is!

jadedbabe78 107F

3/14/2006 1:18 pm

Self analyzation can be good for the soul. You learn things about yourself. And with learning, comes the fact that you must know what to work on and grow as a person.

Take it from an over-analyzer....some things are what they are. Take it at face value. Or search it out and find the meaning behind it.

With the acceptance of yourself, also know that it's ok to accept help from your friends. To lean on them. Not for the whole being that is you, but because they're friends who care about you and want to see you grow. It's hard to do. Yes, I know...I hate admitting I need help. Hate it with a passion...but through self discovery, I've come to realize that it's ok. If it's offered, that is. Take it for what it's worth.

I've pushed people away, shut people out...and for what? To feel lonely and despaired? That's not worth it.

Defeat sucks. I'm going through a defeat of my own. What do you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and when the time is right (because only you will know when that time is) you'll be ready.

Obviously, I can't make you listen to me. BUT, I truly wish you the best in anything.

There is a light, you know. And I'm not just talking about the flick of a Bic, either. It just takes a little soul searching to recognize which direction it is coming from.

I'll step down from my soap box now.

Hugs to you, whether you want to accept the comfort of it or not .

~Jadey


ella1966 52F
1528 posts
3/14/2006 1:57 pm

Dear asscrompn

I know you are in a really bad place, in your own private hell and you have realised that self-destruction is not the way to go. A wise person said to me recently in a post "If you go looking for love, you will find it, even if it isn't there". Get my drift. Stop looking for love. Try self love, honestly. Apparently, love will happen when you least expect it. It is good that you have acknowledged where you are, but rather than beat yourself up about it, be kind and gentle with yourself and your imagined fears. It is like that magnificent poem "Desiderata" - please make a copy of it, read it, put it up somewhere. You have plenty of friends to console you, take comfort in those comments above. You are only learning more about yourself, finding out your truth, that at least is a good consequence of your pain. You are not in a good place for a relationship - great!!! work on the relationship with yourself. It is like that cringey song "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

Gentle man, you are helping yourself be being on here, imagine how great that is too! So you might need to have some fun and protect your heart for a while. Just don't forget you do have one, but out of self-love, you will be extremely selective about who you give it to.

I don't know if this ramble helps.

ella X


rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
3/14/2006 2:20 pm

Sweetheart,

I am glad you are getting it out. Keep blogging and feel better.

Purry {=}

Purry


agedinwood757 65F
297 posts
3/14/2006 2:26 pm

please cheer up I would hate to think of that nice smile not being there for me to see....your too nice and I know where you are coming from. This is has been the worst year of my life with losing two brothers in five months, God knows I wanted to get drunk.

keep your chin up

Margo


frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
3/14/2006 3:07 pm

You'd look cute in a Monks outfit (but cuter out of it!!)

Let it all out and then move onwards and upwards OK?

Frangi xx


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/14/2006 6:43 pm

I can't respond to this here. Write me or catch me on IM. If you need the address, Caress has it.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
3/14/2006 8:15 pm

It's good to vent...and have a place to do it..

lustytaurus


impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
3/14/2006 8:51 pm

I'm tired too. C'mon...we'll cuddle up and take a nap - and when we wake we'll be much refreshed and ready to go on believing that the world truly is a good place, life really is good, and love does exist for us at some point and time. We will hold each other's hands and learn to belly-laugh at all our silly manipulations until we are strong enough, and love ourselves enough, to open our hearts without all the limits we've previously placed on them and truly accept our worthiness when love walks through our doors. OK?

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


mycin62 56F

3/14/2006 9:35 pm

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, self analization is the hardest thing to do. It's so much easier to look at other peoples lives and hand out advice, but when it comes to looking at our own situation it really sucks! Keep on blogging, are not alone, you have friends here that will help you thru it all.

Good luck,
Cin


absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
3/14/2006 10:08 pm

I know you're hurting and it's a natural inclination to make that stop. You're treating your pain with "medicine", alcohol. Unfortunately, your medicine robs your brain of naturally occuring hormones that make you feel well. I don't know how mych you're drinking or how often, I can tell you that your body will become addicted to the alcohol if you're not careful. I'm glad that you're blogging and getting some of the poison out of you. Let me ask you this, would you talk to me the way you talk to yourself? Would you say the same things to me? Call me worthless etc? I doubt it, if you wouldn't do it to me and you don't even know me then why would you do it to you? I do not know you, but I havce seen what others have said to you and about you. You seem like a nice, lovable guy. Someone upstairs likes you, this is a wakeup call for you. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you have a relationship that is meaningful? Now, this is Mac the nurse talking, you need some assistance. You need to call your doctor and tell him/her what's going on. I just live in the next state ya know, I can come to Atlanta and "force" you to go. I hope you feel better soon, Mac
ps asking for help is not and admission of weakness, its a sign of strength : )


MOfunNOWWOW 56F

3/14/2006 11:21 pm

The song if you can't love the one you want love the one your with...the top reasons I love myself and masterbation. This really isn't meant as a joke either aas. You are the only person that can make yourself happy and healthy. Once you do that eveything and any else is gravy as we say here in the Midwest. Lots of big hugs going out to you.


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
3/15/2006 4:58 am

Sheesh,

Dude, if there is anyone out there that has a reason to feel the way you are feeling, I do, but you know what? I keep getting up each and every day, making a concious decision to move forward, cause I a not moving backward for anything.

It isnt going to fix itself by being all depressed about it and sulking about it.

You just have to find one reason to get off your ass and keep moving foward. For me it is my son. I know you dont have any kids (that I know of) but you need to find that motivation for youself and go with it. All the whining and sulking in the world is not going to change anything.

"Get busy Livin, or get busy dyin"
Sawshank Redemption{/i}

John

"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:24 am

    Quoting rm_sexyfitwoman:
    Some things absolutely scare the crap out of us... Must you give me so much to think about lately?
LOL - Live in my shoes for just one day... OMG it sucks...


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:28 am

    Quoting jadedbabe78:
    Self analyzation can be good for the soul. You learn things about yourself. And with learning, comes the fact that you must know what to work on and grow as a person.

    Take it from an over-analyzer....some things are what they are. Take it at face value. Or search it out and find the meaning behind it.

    With the acceptance of yourself, also know that it's ok to accept help from your friends. To lean on them. Not for the whole being that is you, but because they're friends who care about you and want to see you grow. It's hard to do. Yes, I know...I hate admitting I need help. Hate it with a passion...but through self discovery, I've come to realize that it's ok. If it's offered, that is. Take it for what it's worth.

    I've pushed people away, shut people out...and for what? To feel lonely and despaired? That's not worth it.

    Defeat sucks. I'm going through a defeat of my own. What do you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and when the time is right (because only you will know when that time is) you'll be ready.

    Obviously, I can't make you listen to me. BUT, I truly wish you the best in anything.

    There is a light, you know. And I'm not just talking about the flick of a Bic, either. It just takes a little soul searching to recognize which direction it is coming from.

    I'll step down from my soap box now.

    Hugs to you, whether you want to accept the comfort of it or not .

    ~Jadey
Yes, I hate leaning on my friends for any kind of support. Yes, when I do push people away, I feel bad about it, but I think that I am going for that feeling of being lonely. I think that I don't deserve people and fulfill that subconscious thought. It sucks being lonely, but sometimes, for me, it's needed.

Today is another day... I'm up, awake, and ready to battle again really soon.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:28 am


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:30 am

    Quoting katsback:
    as goodlooking as you are,,god!..whats the problem, nice smile,hmmm..kat
I think it's b/c i'm on meds...


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:33 am

    Quoting elbman:
    The alcohol intake is more likely a form of self medication, one that I use myself from time to time. I know when I do it, (and it's more than you've witnessed me consume and on a more regular basis), I know what I am doing when I do it; but for some reason it seems better than dealing with whatever reality has presented me at the time.

    In the end the reality is still waiting, doesn't go away, or move on. Be comfortable with yourself first.....learn what makes you happy...work on doing things that improve yourself.....damn it everyone deserves to be a little selfish every now and again. I suck at it and have to force myself to do it, but it helps me to feel as if all my efforts aren't for not. I can see and appreciate the results of the efforts I spend on myself first hand (insert masterbation joke here).

    You're a decent guy, stay that way.....you're just a little ahead of your peer group; think of it as being a new version. Everyone maybe interested, but comfortable with the status quo until it fails them. With few exceptions, most of the tools will fail.
Yes, I agree... All it does for me is helps me go to sleep, but it's never good sleep. I've layed off quite a bit from it. If you drink more than I've seen you... wow. That's a lot of drinking! I know I consume way more than I should, but it's not everyday that I see somebody that can outdrink me.

I'm a decent guy? Thanks! You are too, though. You need to follow your own advice. I may be a bit ahead of my peer group, but they are at least fun people to hang with.

Thanks, elb!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:41 am

    Quoting ella1966:
    Dear asscrompn

    I know you are in a really bad place, in your own private hell and you have realised that self-destruction is not the way to go. A wise person said to me recently in a post "If you go looking for love, you will find it, even if it isn't there". Get my drift. Stop looking for love. Try self love, honestly. Apparently, love will happen when you least expect it. It is good that you have acknowledged where you are, but rather than beat yourself up about it, be kind and gentle with yourself and your imagined fears. It is like that magnificent poem "Desiderata" - please make a copy of it, read it, put it up somewhere. You have plenty of friends to console you, take comfort in those comments above. You are only learning more about yourself, finding out your truth, that at least is a good consequence of your pain. You are not in a good place for a relationship - great!!! work on the relationship with yourself. It is like that cringey song "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

    Gentle man, you are helping yourself be being on here, imagine how great that is too! So you might need to have some fun and protect your heart for a while. Just don't forget you do have one, but out of self-love, you will be extremely selective about who you give it to.

    I don't know if this ramble helps.

    ella X
"...be kind and gentle with yourself and your imagined fears." Wow - that actually is a very powerful statement. I'm going to have to think about his one. They don't seem imagined, but maybe you're onto something here. I will check out that poem, for sure. Thanks for again stopping by.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:42 am

    Quoting rm_PurryKitty2:
    Sweetheart,

    I am glad you are getting it out. Keep blogging and feel better.

    Purry {=}
Thank you, sexy Purry! I will keep mind dumping once I'm on my kick. Today is another day.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:44 am

    Quoting agedinwood757:
    please cheer up I would hate to think of that nice smile not being there for me to see....your too nice and I know where you are coming from. This is has been the worst year of my life with losing two brothers in five months, God knows I wanted to get drunk.

    keep your chin up

    Margo
I'm very sorry hearing about your loss! I will get drunk for you. As far as my smile goes, that's the beautiful thing about pictures. It's a moment in time that was captured. My smile will remain up on my picture for all to see.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:45 am

    Quoting foxtrotter2000:
    Love yourself...before you can even learn to love others...and things will surely fall into place

    BIG HUGS for ya...
I truly love your comments... Without being a smartass, you come up w/ great suggestions. Thank you!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:46 am

    Quoting frangipanigal:
    You'd look cute in a Monks outfit (but cuter out of it!!)

    Let it all out and then move onwards and upwards OK?

    Frangi xx
Frangi, you just keep that ass right here on my blog, and I'll be bound to cheer up. Wow, I just never get sick of seeing it!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:47 am

    Quoting rm_mineiswetter:
    I'm sorry that your feeling so blue. It's bothering me seeing you like this.
    I have to agree with ella, it's a good idea to work on your relationship with yourself! I think it's healthy to reflect on yourself and realize what needs work. I've been doing that myself for a year now. I'm tempted to drive to your apartment and give you a BIG hug!!Lol... I hope you feel better soon! Hugs & xox
You wouldn't have found me... I was at my home away from home... again! Thanks, for the nice thought though.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:52 am

    Quoting rm_yummmy669:
    OK, I found you by accident....so take this as it is meant..with love and kindness...

    I too discovered that I would prefer to be in a loving relationship. Alas it was not to be, but I didn't take it quite as hard as I thought I would. I didn't take it hard at all. I accepted it and was thankful for the self awareness and new insights to my soul.

    Now I can't take any credit for this, I found this wonderful book. This title is kind of miss leading, it is more about yourself and living. It was a really easy read, and I am half way through it a second time...It is the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. He also wrote the four agreements, which I am told is a good book too, but couldn't make it throught the first chapter. I guess I didn't need it. Well worth a read.

    What caught my attention at the book store was "every thing we believe about ourselves, and everything we know about our world, is a dream,""We create all thes little demons in our mind because we have learned to dream hell in our own life."

    It goes on to explain how to realize this and how it came about. And when my dream relationship came to an end, I was able to thank him for helping me discover what I really wanted out of life. I learned not to feel guilty for loving someone, they either accept it or not. And if they don't keep looking until you find the person or people that do. And we had a very nice goodbye conversation and I told him I loved him before I hung up the phone. I can't and won't feel guilty for loving, because there are many different degrees of love....just because it is love dosen't mean you will spend the rest of your life with the person. I have a very good friend that I fell madly in love with, damn my heart, but we can tell each other we love you and know we mean it. Even though there was never anything physical, I have learned and grown as a person.

    I hope you will hang in there. I think you are already on the right path. Once you realize where you are, you can get your bearings and get turned in the right direction. And anyway, your kind of really sexy, I would hate to see you out of the running...
Wow... you found me by accident?? You didn't come in b/c of my wit, charm, and sexy smile?? LOL - I truly do appreciate a good read and thank you for recommending these for me. I will have to go and pick them up. I'm not out of the running... I just like to filter my blog out every now and again. You see, if you whine enough, people go away. LOL - I find it's hard commenting for everybody, so I just get on a whiney kick for a couple of days and they disappear. Cool, huh? Thank you, really!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:54 am

    Quoting newaroundhere64:
    Care for one of the little secrets of Life?

    Everything we create, we do it for one of two reasons; b/c we enjoy it or 2) b/c we enjoy NOT enjoying it.

    So, what are you enjoying?

    nah64
Man, you MUST be in sales... You read all the same stuff that I've read. sigh. To answer it honestly, I guess I must be number 2. I don't know why this is, but I guess i'm just saddistic or something.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:55 am

    Quoting rm_kelli4u2dew:
    I can't respond to this here. Write me or catch me on IM. If you need the address, Caress has it.
Thank you very much! I got the info and have sent you a message.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 5:59 am

    Quoting Sensuous_Salz:
    I know that I basically don't know you from little green apples, but that has never led to me keeping my mouth shut before, so here goes.

    I too, know where you are. I was there after I divorced my first husband many years ago. I had very little if any self esteem and although I did not recognize then what I was doing, I was attempting to treat depression and anxiety with alcohol. Massive quantities of alcohol. I am 5'3" and back then weighed about 90 lbs. I would drink very large adult men under the table night after night. I wondered what was wrong with me that no one wanted a relationship with me. Somehow during this time, I managed to get myself through school and become self supporting of myself and my children. I continued the same patterns though. I drank and when I did get involved with someone, it was someone that I knew it wouldn't work out with. And I cried and railed against fate that decreed I would never have what other women attained so easily.

    Then one day, after some particularly low nights, I had an epiphany. I was my own worst enemy. No one was forcing me to do these things. I was doing them to myself. I stopped. I stopped drinking to excess. I stopped going to clubs and putting myself in situations that inevitably led to making poor decisions. I read a couple of good self help books that are hopelessly out dated now. I started looking for reasons to be happy.

    Things did not change over night, but they did gradually begin to change. I became more content with my life. I wasn't so depressed because I no longer used alcohol to self medicate. I became more positive. Then one day, a person I thought forever gone from life re-entered it. We've been together for 20 years now. He is my best friend, my lover, my husband and the master of my heart. I have not doubt we would not have lasted if I had not made changes of my own, first.

    Ditch the alcohol. You may be surprised how your outlook changes.

    Best of luck....sermon over.......
Yes, I am self medicating on the stuff... I have already started cutting it back. Once I start my workout again, I won't drink. I need to get my body ready for summer. It'll be hard, but I'll do it. I'm happy to hear that you were able to correct your bad patterns. I'm learning to do that, but I vent all the way through it. LOL


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 6:03 am

Yes, I agree with you! Thanks for stopping into this depressing whole in cyberspace!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 6:05 am

    Quoting impish_pixie:
    I'm tired too. C'mon...we'll cuddle up and take a nap - and when we wake we'll be much refreshed and ready to go on believing that the world truly is a good place, life really is good, and love does exist for us at some point and time. We will hold each other's hands and learn to belly-laugh at all our silly manipulations until we are strong enough, and love ourselves enough, to open our hearts without all the limits we've previously placed on them and truly accept our worthiness when love walks through our doors. OK?
Wow... you would do that for lil ol me?? I really like the last part, "...open our hearts without all the limits we've previously placed on them and truly accept our worthiness when love walks through our doors. " Very good! Thank you, sweetie!


jadedbabe78 107F

3/15/2006 7:15 am

    Quoting aascrompn:
    Yes, I hate leaning on my friends for any kind of support. Yes, when I do push people away, I feel bad about it, but I think that I am going for that feeling of being lonely. I think that I don't deserve people and fulfill that subconscious thought. It sucks being lonely, but sometimes, for me, it's needed.

    Today is another day... I'm up, awake, and ready to battle again really soon.
It's ok to have the need for awhile. It's called 'me' time. It's not being selfish, because it helps.

Just don't do it for too long, k? You're too sweet and hot to be alone.


caressmewell 55F

3/15/2006 9:12 am

    Quoting elbman:
    It's not something I'm truly proud of, although in testoterone circles it works, but my tolerence came about via too many sleepless nights and yes it will put you too sleep, but a restless one.

    As far as following my own advice; often times we know what we should do forcing ourselves to do it is the difficult part.
Both of you need to just fucking do it..follow the advice.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 10:10 am

    Quoting mycin62:
    I'm sorry you're feeling so down, self analization is the hardest thing to do. It's so much easier to look at other peoples lives and hand out advice, but when it comes to looking at our own situation it really sucks! Keep on blogging, are not alone, you have friends here that will help you thru it all.

    Good luck,
    Cin
cin, you are too much of a sweetheart! I agree... I can give advice all day long, but not take it. Thanks, sweetie!


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 10:14 am

    Quoting absolutelynormal:
    I know you're hurting and it's a natural inclination to make that stop. You're treating your pain with "medicine", alcohol. Unfortunately, your medicine robs your brain of naturally occuring hormones that make you feel well. I don't know how mych you're drinking or how often, I can tell you that your body will become addicted to the alcohol if you're not careful. I'm glad that you're blogging and getting some of the poison out of you. Let me ask you this, would you talk to me the way you talk to yourself? Would you say the same things to me? Call me worthless etc? I doubt it, if you wouldn't do it to me and you don't even know me then why would you do it to you? I do not know you, but I havce seen what others have said to you and about you. You seem like a nice, lovable guy. Someone upstairs likes you, this is a wakeup call for you. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you have a relationship that is meaningful? Now, this is Mac the nurse talking, you need some assistance. You need to call your doctor and tell him/her what's going on. I just live in the next state ya know, I can come to Atlanta and "force" you to go. I hope you feel better soon, Mac
    ps asking for help is not and admission of weakness, its a sign of strength : )
Thanks for stopping by! I'm drinking nightly, for the most part, but not normally this heavy. I wouldn't talk to anybody the way I talk to myself! I'm already seeing a therapist... she has determined that I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you're getting at. I know that I could become one, but it's not my style.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/15/2006 10:15 am

    Quoting MOfunNOWWOW:
    The song if you can't love the one you want love the one your with...the top reasons I love myself and masterbation. This really isn't meant as a joke either aas. You are the only person that can make yourself happy and healthy. Once you do that eveything and any else is gravy as we say here in the Midwest. Lots of big hugs going out to you.
Ya, I know... I have to work on that. I should get into the masturbation thing too... I hear that it's fun. *hugs*


impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
3/15/2006 6:40 pm

Yes...I would do that for little ole you. Silly man...you ARE worth it.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


curious082385 32F
4925 posts
3/16/2006 3:42 am

Well, I hit this post a little late and I'm going to be the 50-something-ith comment, so I'm hoping that you see it.

As far as love goes...the harder that you search for it, the more illusive it seems to become. Try to find it, try to force it, try to anticipate where and when it will appear and you will rarely find what you are looking for. I think you have to be comfortable with who you are and be at peace with being yourself on your own before you can really give yourself to another person. When you are ready and when you stop looking...someone wonderful is going to come along and knock you off your feet. You just have to be patient.


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