High Anxiety  

aascrompn 43M
6957 posts
8/7/2006 6:48 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 8:09 am

High Anxiety

This is a really hard week for me. I'm under a shit load of stress and I think it's finally catching up to me.

Today, is the day that my loan approval is due. It's the final day, under contract, that I have to get it in, or the contract is null and void. I've not heard a thing yet from the company as to where I stand. 'We'll get back to you if we need anything else, etc, etc...'

I'm unable to speak to my girlfriend, as she and her other have traveled to lands far away. She's unable to get on the computer to chat in any form of fashion. This is really a big test to see how I'm going to handle this. Again, she has tough decisions, but I think I'm coming out looking pretty well. I just don't understand how, again, I've gotten to the point where I depend on her to help me make a miserable day a better one. This is not just a miserable day, it's a long, tough, stress-filled week. It sure would've been nice to talk, as she has an uncanny ability of calming me right down. She just talks, and I just melt.

With my current fuck up, I've had to spend a shit load more money that my budget is used to in order to pay off certain fees. I would've been fine, I think, but yesterday, my cable modem died sometime in the night. We had another power loss, and the modem would not work again. Although I knew I would be tight, but I had to go buy another one. My service provider couldn't schdule a new install untill about 5 to 7 days later. This wasn't good enough! I only had a limited time to talk w/ my girlfriend yesterday. Again, she's going to be gone this week, and I needed to chat with her. This is why I bought one. Now, I'm looking at having to eat every other day for two weeks. Once I get paid again, I think I'll be right back on track, but until then, I'm hurting... *sigh* Shit just is not supposed to go easy, is it??

I have to schedule time for an attourney this week, and I have no idea who to even use. This is really upsetting me the most, as I feel that I will be ok w/ a good one, but until I actually retain one, my stress is up. This has all just happened too fast and at the wrong time. I'm going to have to use half the money that I was throwing into house upgrades to get the attourney. Now, I'm not sure what upgrades are even possible. I still have time to think the upgrades over, but I won't mess around w/ buying an ok lawyer. I need a great one! I hate not knowing enough about my predicament. I wish I had the answers, but I'm traveling in the great unknown that this stage!

So, my anxiety is flaring. I'm hopped up on my meds and some Benadryl in order to even just function. I'm pissed off that I need to use these things as a crutch! I am, however, a lot more mello than I used to be. Yesterday's modem crises would've sent me yelling before. I didn't yell, and I was actaully calm through the entire thing. I think it's b/c I know there was nothing more that I could do...


angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
8/7/2006 7:42 am

I'm sorry your plate is so full right now. I'll be thinking of you today and hoping that the loan goes through....at least that will be one thing off your mind.

alphuctup 41M

8/7/2006 9:19 am

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that some of us just aren't meant ot have nice cozy, simple lives. Sometimes I think it's for the best as it would get boring, but sometimes it would be nice if everything just went according to plan! Hang in there.

Cowboy_Deluxe 39M

8/7/2006 12:26 pm

Well my, this could be turned into a breathing exercise. Just Breath, long..slow ..yeah that shit..either that or go drink.

rm_xxSpecialKxx 47F
1614 posts
8/7/2006 12:56 pm

Here ahave a specialhug from special k xxxxxxxx your not alone trust me xxxxxxxxxx

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