What do men and women want from A F F? Do you really know?  

__Blaze 47F
14 posts
1/18/2006 9:29 am

Last Read:
4/19/2006 10:37 am

What do men and women want from A F F? Do you really know?

WARNING: The following is the opinion of the author and only of the author. All statements made are general and in no way, shape or form attest to, or degrade, circumstances, experiences or details of any one person in particular. You are free to disagree with the author's opinion at any time either verbally or in text form and your opinion will be respected as such. Should you feel the need to respond to, or debate the author's opinions you are encouraged to do so for it is the author's belief that through debate and discussion an expanding of ones mind is sure to follow... regardless of whether the end of the debate brings mutual belief.

I've been on A F F for over a year now, in that time I've watched people, read what they outwardly have to say and studied the majority of the group I've hung out with during that time.

I've watched men and women log into a chat room and advertise stats much like a grocer would at a Farmer's Market...
"Young bull stud, virile and strong..."
"Hot pussy seeking hard huge cock for hours of pleasure"
"De-feathered, thick chicken breast, juicy and ready to cook!"
"6'2" 19-lbs black hair hazel eyes, holla back"
"Succulent pig roadt perfect for grilling, recipe included!"

In that time I've watched people slut themselves out, fuck everything that would offer all the while maintaining the "I don't do anyone" persona publicly, this is a particular problem with women. Make no mistake about it ladies, if you fuck more than one AFFer your true colors WILL be talked about. I've watched men play "the gentleman" and get all the ladies vying for their attention. I've seen men hit on women CONTINUOUSLY despite being told no, graciously, on several occassions. I've seen men blow a gasket after rejection where they become total and complete abusive assholes. I've seen psychotic women and men lie about pregnancy/relationships/money status. The melting pot that is A F F is full of sad, needy people.

So what do people want? I mean REALLY? Sure, this is a highly sexual site which invites the most lascivious of people. Men and women cheating on the people they promised to love, cherish and be faithful to. Young inexperienced who wanna get in with that older person to learn the ropes, who wanna lose their cherry to the delicate (or not so delicate) teachings of an elder. Lonely people, busy people, poor people, rich people, well rounded individuals and people so emotionally broken that they'll believe anything the right person tells them.

I find it so sad that most people aren't self aware enough to realize that the reason they are here boils down to one thing, hope.

Hope that we can find ONE kindred soul that will love and accept us just the way we are... even if we like to dress up like infants and have our asses powdered before we breastfeed.

I'm not talking about swingers, they fall into their own category and I've come to respect their choices, I'm talking about Joe and Joetta Small who consider themselves passionate/horny/kinky people and decide one day to look through the internet.

It's my opinion that while men really mean the whole "friends with benefits" "just fuck buddies" ads they put out there it's only meant temporarily because of they found that one freak who hits all the right buttons on ALL aspects they're going to wanna keep that freak around. Men are clueless and while they may tell themselves they just want casual, that casual will turn into a Tiffany engagement ring if they found the right slut to give it to.

Women, on the other hand, while they share many things with the males have one major difference. They lie to themselves. They're not as clueless as men are, deep down women want a mate and it is because they're lying to themselves to mesh with the overtly sexual environment they put themselves in by saying they want nothing more than a casual fling, eventually the real reason will emerge. They want to find love. Men want lots of sex and see love as an unpleasant side effect, women want love and find lots of sex as a pleasant side effect.

Do you ever wonder why there are so many FAKE female profiles? How many women in YOUR daily life do you know are complete and utter sluts that "just wanna have a good time" with anyone they connect with? I'll bet you it's a small percentage in the grand scheme of things. What are the odds that every slut in the world is FUCKING HOT? Furthermore, what are the odds that all those hot sluts would be here?!? Here or on one of those sister sites A F F has? My Goodness! Men have hit the jackpot!

Gentlemen... ladies.. wake up..

It's an exception to the rule that women are very loose. Taking society's (be a good girl) pressure off of women, forgetting what we've been taught, it's still NOT normal for women to sleep with everything, this is genetic. We're evolving away from that, just like men are evolving away from being emotionless but for the most part a well rounded, emotionally stable woman will not perform in that manner, it's just against the nature of things. Again, there are exceptions to the rule. Be truthful to YOURSELF when you're putting yourself out there, really think about it because some experiences you can't take back.

On a good note, thankfully women are in charge at this site, we dictate what happens, we say when, where, how and if BEFORE we meet these men. That's powerful, isn't it? Enter a chat room sometime and watch it for a period of 15 minutes, if you don't gather the fact that women are the ones holding all the cards you just might be in the Male Homosexual room.

We delude ourselves to believe whatever we need to believe and getting into the habit of peeling the layers to see what truly is there can be emotionally exhausting... however, comma, imagine getting exactly what you want out of this experience... wouldn't that be...


MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
1/18/2006 11:41 am

You said: "well rounded individuals and people so emotionally broken that they'll believe anything the right person tells them."

Blaze, you know we have all been here. We all get in a space where we're ready to just join a convent. Then someone knows all the right things to say. We fall for it and fall for it hard. However, while we do end up hurt beyond belief, we do move on.

The fact is, this site does try to sell the fantasy. They try to do away with the bots, but easier said than done. Not to mention, there will always be men stupid enough to fall for, join my site and we can cyber on cam and all of that.

There are also the phony women who know how to play the game. The ones who will never, ever meet, send out pics of sweet young things, do the cyber and phone thing and when they're found out, they're nothing that they claimed to be. They then start a new game.

The fact of the matter is, 90% of the women on here have exhausted more traditional ways to meet men, aren't willing to pony up for $50 a month on eHarmony and are looking for husbands, or to replace the husbands they have. Even some of the oh, so committed couples are sneaking around behind each other's backs, looking to replace their current love of their life with someone better while acting all moral in that room.

Few of us are what we say. But there are so many who will lie to get what they want that those of us who are genuine are looked on with suspicion. Throw in the knuckledraggers who think anyone looking for more than a one night stand is looking for a lifelong committment and you have to spend your time defending why you won't fuck just anyone while saying you don't want a husband.

You make one mistake though. Most of the male members of this site are guys, not men. There is a difference. And there are far too many guys on this site and very few men. They guys are all looking to have the sex and the number of partners they perceive everyone else has. In other words, fantasyland. In fantasyland, you can bareback anyone and not catch an STD or get anyone pregnant and live the life you see in your porn flicks. Reality has no room in their minds.

__Blaze 47F

1/18/2006 1:27 pm

Miss -

I have to disagree with some things though I adore you and wish half, just half the women on this site had your intelligence and strength (and half the men, just half, had the balls to see what it would be like with a real woman like you).

a) Re: We all get in a space where we're ready to just join a convent.
I can't relate to that personally. I just can't. I've been frustrated with the lack of "relationship" but that only happens after I've been actively "looking" for a relationship. Sexually I'm happier with a partner because of the emotional value it lends, physically I get off more than fine just by myself. So again I question, if it's just sex (and anyone who knows their body can cum better than with any lover) why are we frustrated?

b) Re: They try to do away with the bots

You misunderstand me, I think. There are female profiles out there made by A F F itself. I haven't seen any male versions of that but honestly, with all the men here, why would they need to make fake profiles (bots)? There aren't enough females to supply the male demand so they subsidize by creating false and perfect (young tight super horny not very picky) women to act as catnip for the male members. The bots I think you speak of are the programmed advertisements other sites use. I wasn't even thinking of those.

c) Few of us are what we say.

Exactly the reason for my rant. I too came here under false pretenses and it was only after wading in the cesspool that I realized that I was an ill fit in the promiscuity department of A F F and didn't really want what I thought I wanted in the first place. Some people really do want what they say they want but for the most part, I don't think most people really, really know. You are, as always, the exception to the rule.

d) Most of the male members of this site are guys, not men. There is a difference.

Topic for another discussion, heh, and I could retort that most "women" on here aren't really women but chicks or girls. What's a man/woman to you? I used it as a general "over 18 in physical years" descriptor.

e) Reality has no room in their minds.

And this is why I hope that continuing to discuss sensitive opinions and issues may break that fantasy bubble and let -some- reality shine in... just enough to give the deluded a nagging sense that something's just not right.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
1/19/2006 2:36 am

Blaze, a lot of webcam sites get women to write to men, telling them that they can meet if they join the webcam site. I have looked, the webcam sites aren't owned by Various, Inc.

Now something else you said bothers me: "In that time I've watched people slut themselves out, fuck everything that would offer all the while maintaining the "I don't do anyone" persona publicly, this is a particular problem with women. Make no mistake about it ladies, if you fuck more than one AFFer your true colors WILL be talked about."

Can you name me all my sex partners from that room? I'm not sure I can. There are guys I am attracted to in there, but no matter how hard they hit on me, I'm not going there, as I know they will talk. I have told a few of them that straight out. Of course, they play the morally wounded game. But can you name me my sex partners from the room? Right down to the one night stands? I think not.

You are also assuming they're only fucking men from the room. If they do the I'm so moral, I'm so in love with my man and then just sleep with guys who email them and never hit the room, you're never going to hear a word about it.

I also don't think saying true colors is right. On this site especially, we shouldn't be labeling sexually active women sluts. I make no apologies or excuses for wanting to have a small circle of lovers. That way, I don't get too attached to anyone.

What I do disagree with and if I was a bitch I'd name names, there are the morality types who scream about cheating, all the while, they're going behind the backs of their current lovers, trying to hook up with others. There is one who is going to be found out and when he does, I shall applaud. However, there are women doing that too. In the case of this man, the women he chases are made out to be the bad guys. The whores. The sluts. Women defend him not knowing what he's doing, yet his victims all have the email and phone messages from him chasing them to prove it.

I also don't agree that a well rounded, emotionally balanced woman can't enjoy more than one partner at a time. The ones in that room who want one single partner and to find him for all eternity are some of the most mentally fucked up women I've ever met. So emotionally needy, they brand a man theirs after one date. Sleep with them once and she's picking out china patterns. Normal women don't do that. Normal women know you date around, you don't put all your eggs in one basket, especially on a site like this. Then you weed out the dross. I can tell you, there are guys I've met who after sleeping with them, they've been so bad in bed, I don't even want to be friends with them after that.

What I'm saying is, some of us aren't out to find husbands. We want fun. We're sick of playing the morality game so the heirarchy of that room doesn't gossip about us. So we stop. Then they think that we've gone insane, or we're hurt, or something. No. Some of us have always been easy. It doesn't mean that we fuck anything that asks. But if a guy has a brain that turns me on and a face I don't find offensive and isn't a guido asshole or another form of walking ego, I am putty in his hands if there's chemistry. Then again, there are the ones who have become great platonic friends. There is one who will come in the room, everyone thinks I've slept with him. Nope. While we get together, the most that's happened at the end of the night is a hug. While the mental is there, the physical just isn't going to happen, there is no attraction there, even though neither of us are unattractive. You can't force a spark.

BTW, I am linking your blog post to my blog. A post called To Thine Self Be True. I know you're going to disagree with a lot of it. But as you inspired me, I felt I should link to it.

ready4playing2 59M
10 posts
1/19/2006 7:07 am

Blaze, simply amazing, your opinion of AdultFriendFinder is right on the money. I too have been on this site for a year and and although I don't brag about being a sexual stud , I do fall into the category of the married man looking. Why? I don't know . I love my wife and would never leave her. And I know this is true because I'v had affairs before. Some lasting 6 years. I guess I need more than her, I don't just mean sex, but the romance that dies after time. You said that we know ourselves better than anyone else. So getting off by yourselve should satisfy us. But the touch of another person that cares about your feelings really helps. I'm not looking to see how many people I could get into bed, but for one that I could get to know and become friends with , without getting to emotionally involved. OK hold off with your remark, I know that's hard. My last friend was married too and we eventually got caught because she got to emotional and wanted more. Is it hard to love more than one person? Anyway back to this site. It does get frustrating when one sends out winks or e- mails and no one responds. I'v even seen men start looking for other men. I'm starting to think that this site is for bi people. I'm not looking for the girl that wants to get gang banged, or one that wants lots of men in her life. I know this put me in a very small category and I should just get off this site and try to make things work with my wife, but I long for passion. So I continue my search , but with more knowledge of how this site really works thanks to you.

Efilnikufecin69 48M

1/19/2006 7:53 am

you both have very well stated points. Whatever works for you is about all that can be added here.

womanoirish 55F

1/21/2006 10:28 am

Thank you for the thoughtful commentary. I don't agree with everything you stated, but it opened up a line of thought for me and isn't that what blogging is all about?

FYI - I linked this post to my own blog to give credit where credit is due.

ErosHunger 48M

1/23/2006 1:46 pm

I'm one of the folks looking for hope. I'm going to try for awhile before I throw in the towel. But that may be soon.

I have great friends, a great son, and great job. Maybe sexuality and intimacy are something I have to skip, like fame and fortune. Monks do it and survive. But that seems sad.

I don't know what category I fit into anymore; married in hell, and looking? Or from someone else's point of view that makes me a cheating bastard, playing the field? Suffering is suffering no matter what someone else's perception may be. Hope is a fleeting thing as far as intimacy goes I guess. For the first time in my life I am losing hope rapidly.

Are most of the folks on these online dating sites not really here to meet for real human experiences? I know there are a lot of guys here that just have a childish ambition to fuck somebody, anybody quick, and that makes the rest of us look like idiots...or worse yest it makes the rest of us look like insincere predators or player wannabes.

What about the women? I can tell you that while I love to enjoy the human body, and tasteful nudity, looking at pictures of women giving head etc. really doesn't make me want to get to know that person. I love sex. I love sex with someone I care about. I have no problem with the thought of not being entirely exclusive in a relationship, but photos of my "partner" with someone else' spunk dripping from her mouth is a real turn off for me, and I'll bet most men.

Are the bulk of the men here losers? Maybe I'm one. I'm starting to feel like one.

Are the exhibitionist women all teases, or fakes?

Are the remaining sincere few either out to decieve, or just ineterested in non-romantic social discussions?

I feel like an idiot because I came here to try and meet someone that might be coming from the place I am, someone in need of discreet companionship. Someone that wants to share dreams and wants they are worried he should be embarrased by. so far I have only been contacted by a man pretending to be a woman.

And I guess I'm just as suspect for attempting use sympathy to get laid. But I tell you if that's my plan it's not working. It's never worked. No one is turned on by feeling pity for another. And fuck you if you pity me. I'm actually a great guy with a lot going for him on most levels. I have had bad circumstances in my past, and have made some regretable decisions and mistakes regarding relationships that have left me pretty much a naive loner. But I am well liked, and loved by many in spite of that.

There must be more of us, oddballs, sincere square pegs adrift in rolling waves of blogged lies, teasing, and tea parties looking for a warm sandy shore to call home. Maybe it doesn't exist.

And to end on a positive note. I am going to eat a dish of ice creme now (Toffuti actually). Mmmmm. Attainable pleasure. Instant gratification.

Sorry if this sounds bitter. I'm just starting to feel like I've been spinning my wheels in deep mud on AdultFriendFinder and not getting out of the swampy muck of what's wrong with my life. Anybody have a winch?

rbnf440 56M

2/19/2006 6:39 am

If nobody wants to share the blame for this mess....we'll all just get more of the same.

I enjoyed this discussion.
I could have tossed in alot...I agreed with much of what Ann & yourself had to say.
It is just a big State Fair Fantasy Sex site.
Reality has very little to do with this....for both sexes.

And that's not even getting into some of the nonsense people write on their profiles.
For me...since I end my AdultFriendFinder experience this week...I think I got more TURNED OFF of sex because I was on AdultFriendFinder.
Distasteful profiles of people I wouldn't want to fuck (and vice versa).
If I saw one more "Sexy, Fun or picky" profile...I'm going to PUKE.

I'll take my chances elsewhere.
About a month into my membership I began to think I'd made a serious error joining...but then I started getting into blogging.
Once bored with that...no reason to stay.

But...I appreciate seeing two people discuss some of the AdultFriendFinder issues in CLEAR THOUGHTS.

Much appreciation.


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