Everything you always wanted to know about anal  

_CoffeeNoCream_ 53F
6527 posts
3/6/2006 12:00 am

Last Read:
3/13/2006 12:35 am

Everything you always wanted to know about anal

I’m meaning, today, to write about my very exciting swinging weekend, but to be honest, I keep being distracted by this lump I’ve got.
It’s odd, I mean, it’s not painful, just irritating, and I keep having to attend to it.
It’s in rather an intimate place, and I know I’m not one to talk about things of a deeply personal nature often, and I wouldn’t be so alarmed and talkative about it if it wasn’t such a strange and unusual affliction.
I should probably be more direct, sorry, I just don’t know how to phrase it right.
Let’s put it this way. It’s not the kind of problem that you get when you’re single.
I’ve tried lots of things. Cold flannels, hot water bottles, coffee, cream, medicine.
I’ve even tried putting yoghurt on it, but everytime I get near it with a spoonful it starts moaning and grumbling and asking for tea and dry toast instead.
It’s about 1.80cm long (6ft), more than that, actually, and 50cm (a couple of feet) wide, and it’s lying in that most intimate of places - bed, and making a noise like this;

‘Grooooo-cough-hack-bleurgh-coffee?-canihavea…no, don’t worry, Ifeelsickagain. - bleurgh - oooooo-hugmebutdon’tsqueeze.‘

I think it’s a lovely lump.
I mean, I’m going to see what I can do about removing it from its current location, but I certainly want to keep it.
If it stops making those noises.

Liefs CoffeeNoLump

eriedragon4 58M
1076 posts
3/6/2006 1:58 am

sory for laughing but the whole time reading this that stipid song was going thrugh, my mind ... Its my lump,lump my lovely lady lump,

eriedragon4 58M
1076 posts
3/6/2006 2:00 am

hope he gets better!

leyndokona2 50F

3/6/2006 2:08 am

Turn up the music . Does the poor guy have the man flu?

Green_Tea_Boy 51M
1064 posts
3/6/2006 2:14 am

lmao... I started reading with concern...and ended up laughing....


dutchpete 55M
563 posts
3/6/2006 2:39 am

Has one of yr espresso's been infectuous so that this object, who occupies that intimate spot, got it too ?

Or was it one with H5N1 brought in by the 4-legged hairy creature ?

Erik_Bloodaxe 57M

3/6/2006 7:15 am

So callous!! Grrrr

southrnpeach333 51F

3/6/2006 8:39 am

Poor lump. Just throw the covers up over it and try to ignore it.

LabioBent 106M
2082 posts
3/6/2006 9:57 am

Three COLD FX, three times a day and a slug of Captain Morgan. That and working up a hot sweat over a live corpse!!!!!


leyndokona2 50F

3/6/2006 11:34 am

I brought my suitcase, jump in, I'm leaving and talking you with me.



leyndokona2 50F

3/6/2006 11:35 am

Ok, I'll just clone you and leave the clone here so the others can keep reading your blogs.

Kaliedascope61 42M
4084 posts
3/6/2006 12:02 pm

try feeding it every once in ahwile......

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
3/6/2006 12:23 pm

There is one old fashioned cure all

...soak it in cider..


if that doesnt work throw it out and be done with it!

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
3/6/2006 12:24 pm

hes got the cold again what do you do to him

I'm a

i'm here to stay

interested13563 54M
2557 posts
3/6/2006 12:33 pm

Sometimes such lumps just get automatically cured
and disappear!

wildoats19622 55M
3530 posts
3/6/2006 12:52 pm

If you were having tea, I'd ask if you want one lump or two?

My preference in coffee tends to include cream or a latte, but we were discussing lumps.

Sometimes ya just gotta massage them until they feel better.


Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.

oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
3/6/2006 11:15 pm

LMAO. Hope the lump feels better soon.

shar1 56F
606 posts
3/7/2006 11:38 am

awwwww..poor lump.!!! awwwww poor you having to put up with an ailing moany lump. Here's a plan, buy him Lucozade, crayons and a colouring book... or a 500 piece jigsaw... and hide a piece of it...lol. That will keep him busy and happy.

LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
3/12/2006 9:23 pm

I used to have a lump like that too, but it moved from place to place. Didn't do anything at all but make noise.
You may not want to try such desperate measures, but I found that the only way to permanently get rid of this lump was divorce papers.
Worked well for me.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

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