Coffee doesn't work  

_CoffeeNoCream_ 54F
6527 posts
4/20/2006 12:30 am

Last Read:
5/31/2006 3:44 am

Coffee doesn't work

I know this will come to a shock to most of you, but the ugly truth is that my J works for a living. He sets his alarm 4, or 5 times a week, gets up early on at least half those occasions, puts on trousers (real trousers, not the PJ kind, but real trousers, the kinds with zippers and belt loops and such) and goes to work.

I am not exactly what you would call a big fan of work. I strongly suspect that I am deathly allergic to it, and therefore I try never to be in the same room as work. I can hear you think, you’re a waitress, what about the coffee shop?. Let’s say I am the best customer there is, I refuse to see myself as an employee.
Occasionally someone who doesn't know me very well will assume that I work, or that I am at least willing/capable of it, and perhaps may even suggest that I make them some coffee.
This is why I get manicures. "I just got my nails done" is a get-out-of-work free card that works every time. Unfortunately, manicures cost money, and for those of us born without a trust fund, work is usually the pesky way to earn the stuff. It's distasteful, but true. Luckily, I happened upon a fail proof method for tricking others into earning money for me:

1. show cleavage
2. see #1
3. if you don’t have any, purchase a push-up bra

Not everyone hates work; some go quite willingly. These people are clearly stupid. They have fallen pray to the relentless brain-washing of the global marketplace. These people, the "bosses", put you through the humiliating job-application process so that you'll feel grateful when you obtain a job you don't want at a pay rate you can barely live on.

My J is one of the above psychotics who do not loathe their work. He will tell you some crap about accomplishment, and self-worth, and blah, blah, blah, but between you and me, there are 2 basic reasons why J likes going to work:

1. At work, unlike home, he is the boss. He makes his own decisions. He tells people what to do, and they actually do it.

2. It gives him 9 coffee-free hours per day, 4 days a week. Despite the fact that at work he deals with colleagues, phone calls, emails, staff meetings and a thousand other distractions, he calls work "his quiet place."

But like all worker bees, he comes home to his Queen. His Coffee Queen, potential big-money-maker and even bigger spender.
He never fails to ask, after his day at work, "Did you write “the ultimate blog post” today?"

I've never answered yes yet; most days, I can only say that I've been trying while showing my cleavage. But he's not discouraged. He believes.
My J is a believer and I believe in him.

Liefs Coffee

mycin62 55F

4/20/2006 12:47 am

LOL. My J, swears that he actually love his job. Poor dear, he had a head injury two years ago and hasn't been right since. So, now, he happily goes to work and earns money for me to spend. It's a pretty good arrangement, he works, I spend. Of course I work to, have to put the kiddies thru college some how. Damn kids!!

GB_Cple 67M/56F  
3113 posts
4/20/2006 12:54 am

Work the scourge of the (coffee) drinking class. Oscar Wilde

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
4/20/2006 1:03 am

coffee mou where has HBowt2gone

I'm a

i'm here to stay

HBowt2 60F

4/20/2006 1:30 am

Would it be ok to suggest a job blogging?

Tijger1974 42M
49 posts
4/20/2006 1:58 am

I tried your three tips to success, and they didn't work.

In fact, they said they'd find a new kindergarten supervisor.

dutchpete 55M
563 posts
4/20/2006 2:37 am

Oh mighty Coffee.... is it real that you do not work ?
Have seen some earlier blog posts with closet cleaning, etc. So you consider that a hobby

Though a push up bra must fit the lady workers. Has no effect for me, just on me.

And would love to see you (or sit with you) at the coffee shop doing something/nothing/anything/working/coffee nipping/finger tapping/or whatever.

ArgosPlumyKooky 46F
3902 posts
4/20/2006 6:17 am

luvs coffee's perspective. . .takes a mug and leaves smiling. . . .

GleesFlakyShawl 51M
1620 posts
4/20/2006 10:17 am

so how many push up bras u have?

interested13563 54M
2557 posts
4/20/2006 11:45 am

Coffee, this IS the ultimate post!!!!
I loved every single aspect of it, the intelligence,
the humor, the sarcasm, the love for your J, the
far reaching philosophy!!!!! Thanks for this!!!!!!!!
I wonder, after this post - the peak of achievement -
will you still keep posting?????

rm_blackvanman2 56M
31 posts
4/20/2006 6:14 pm

all play and no work makes Coffee such a great blogger....

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
4/22/2006 10:52 am

great post

Green_Tea_Boy 51M
1064 posts
4/23/2006 4:26 pm

oh...I wish I were a waitress too....

getting my nails done and drinking coffee...yummy...

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