The Shallow End or the Deep End?  

Wyldwolfe 43M
10 posts
4/4/2006 2:05 pm

Last Read:
4/27/2006 4:32 pm

The Shallow End or the Deep End?

Since my dour outburst this morning, I've received a reply from the girl who just wanted a "dick pic". I wrote her to say that I could send the pic, but what would it prove? Her response, and I quote: "I'm not interested anyway." Yeah...So was that supposed to wound me somehow? Let me know I've "blown it" by not playing along properly? How petty. Anyway, since then, I've done some thinking.

I think there are two types on AdultFriendFinder - plain-old horny folks who wanna fuck anybody who meets their "standards", and people who want partners with depth and character, someone they can laugh with or just hang out and relax with.

The horny ones are the same as the ones you meet in the real world, in two varieties. 1. Brash, sexually pushy and agressive, emotionally manipulative...in other words, only caring about themselves and what they want. Or 2. Repressed, hiding their lust from those around them, but secretly indulging in extreme fantasy when alone. Those of this second variety are often MORE aggressive online than the openly pushy ones are.

The other type you also meet in the real world, but you'd probably never know it. They often exude an air of happiness or contentment. They're nearly always open, relaxed, and easy to talk with. These are the free spirits, who love sex, but who also love people, and a sexual encounter to them is a beautiful, fun, shared experience - not just a chance for them to get off. For this type, friendship and sex go hand-in-hand, and sexuality is just a natural part of life, like eating or breathing. They do love and enjoy it, but it's not an unhealthy obession like it can be with the first type.

The second type is what I am, and is what I'd prefer to meet. But it's hard to determine who's who sometimes. Miss "dick pic" was obviously of the first type, as nothing mattered but HER sexual pleasure, and I got rejected for daring to challenge her. But how do you know when somebody's the second type? Their profile, their blog, and the tone of their e-mails. That's the only way I can think of.

Which brings me to MY e-mails and my profile. I've been trying to attract women by acting "cocky" and humorous. But the thing is, what type was I trying to attract? I think that by acting so artificially cocky, I was repelling the very women I wanted the most. And because it was so fake and poorly done, I've also repelled the women who are into cocky guys. Hm...I have to go to work now, but I think I'll change my profile tonight, and maybe send another, more genuine e-mail to some of the more promising women I've written. See if I can salvage some of them.


49AK 56M
1823 posts
4/4/2006 2:42 pm

Interesting observations. I think it might be a little more complicated than that (more nuanced, shades of grey, rather than either/or) but certainly there are people that fall around each of those poles.

I hadn't really thought about it until now, but what I think I do is ask myself, "By what criteria do I want women to judge me?" and present my best face in that realm. Nobody is going to go crazy for me physically unless they've recently lost their bifocals, so it is more about making an emotional/intellectual connection, even if the goal is something casual.

Good luck with the profile thing... I've put some time into mine, but I think that ultimately you'll connect with people in other realms of AdultFriendFinder than the profile. Mine has been decidedly unproductive.

The blog thing works... the chatrooms might work.


Wyldwolfe replies on 4/8/2006 5:59 pm:
Thanks for the advice. I'm definitely done whining and moaning for now, thank the gods...

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