WikkdBrnSugAnCrm 87M/52F
12 posts
3/10/2006 7:04 pm

Last Read:
10/31/2009 8:49 pm


As is true of most people - I feel that I have few biases. Few biases have actually been written into the law of the land in the USA, but MISCEGENATION was. It is still a big taboo. The whole battle over civil rights was based on the idea that if black and white children go to the same schools, they might become friends across the barrier, and even marry and have kids.

My partner of 16 yrs. is of mixed race - in many areas of the world she would have to identify herself as black because her father is black. I'm midwest whitebread, WASP. I don't use the "N" word, mainly because I have no real use for it - she doesn't use it because she detests it.

We attract a little attention when seen together, but we never know if it is related to race or the fact that I am twice her age. We are not married, but that is certainly not because we wouldn't - she feels it is a useless ritual, and I've been burned. Beyond that, we are a couple, together, and refer to each other as our "significant other". A few years ago Char wanted to travel to some of the places her parents had told her about their childhood - in Arkansas! I told her to go ahead, it would be a eye-opener for her but she could do it. She wanted us to go as a couple, and I said "No" - because I felt that neither she nor I would be safe in that place if seen as a couple. She, being a SoCal girl, couldn't understand, but I'd been in Arkansas, and found that even driving with a Wisconsin license plate drew angry stares.

Living in the southwest, we have found little problem with social acceptance, nor did we in the midwest - the reaction of greatest concern, was likely that of black males who felt that I "didn't have a right" to be with Char. Char's greatest distancing came from blacks also - she speaks accentless English, and has encountered "you're not from around here are you?" I also encountered subtile rejection from some of my family and one employer, that I was able to trace to race rather than age differential. But in the case of my father, polite rejection encompassed both, and he was very concerned that he might wind up the grand-dad of a mixed race child - even though neither of us even remotely considered the possibility of a child at my advanced age, and with her disinclination to motherhood.

Char has actually had less direct contact with blacks (except her father), than I have. She was raised in a community of Catholic Hispanics - speaks the language fluently, and is very familiar with the customs, thought patterns, and the deep family ties. She has also been exposed to other mixed race families ie: Japanese-Hispanic, and Chinese-Hispanic. Of course, the black-hispanic mix is very common in the southwest, and the cultures tend to share a lot in common (except language).

It is worthwhile to look at the children of mixed race unions - they tend to be exceptional in many ways - beauty, intelligence, motivation, freedom from illness, etc. But we need to only look at the amerasians produced during the Vietnam war to witness that there is much bias still evident in the world.

Wouldn't it be great if we could religate the title word of this blog to the "obsolete" portion of the dictionary, and treat all of us here on earth a brothers??! Recent studies firmly indicate, that we all evolved within different forms of isolation, from a small group of true humans in northeastern Africa. Must we make a big deal of our deviations?

rm_jst4blog 49M/49F
37 posts
3/10/2006 10:24 pm

I am partly ashamed to admit that I didn't know that word. I looked it up in my dictionary. Naturally, your post explains what you are talking about wonderfully -- my looking up a word I don't know before reading is just something I do.

We have done our best to teach our kids to accept everyone as they are. Don't judge on race, religion, sex or even politics. It's not easy. But acceptance of others begins at home. So does bias and hatred.

redy2play57 66M  
74 posts
9/14/2007 3:59 pm

Hi to You Both, Dr and Char:

I find your heartfelt, and well thought out post here to be one of those things that we all KNOW, and just don't talk about often enough.

I suppose being raised as a member of a minority myself (call me whitebread/jewish) would sensitize me to all you speak of, but it still hits home.

Dr, I don't blame you for not going to AK, as I've got relatives in Tenn, so I do understand that sort of unique and sometimes unfortunate "cracker" mentality...it sucks, and anyone with more than three brain cells (or teeth) gets it.

The first time I played with a mixed couple, I was actually nervous...why??? It made no sense initially, until I gave it some thought. That's when I realized that societal influences can be a lot stronger than any of us give credit to.

In my own case, my couple friends are a black male, and asian female.
And I felt these nerves when we all began to disrobe the first time...and that's when it hit me..."what the fuck are you thinking???". In any case, I got through my problem (thank god) without them noticing...but does this happen to all of us??? I just don't know...but since I grew up in an all white and jewish area, I'd never seen a black man naked, other than in the Army. So, is all of this cultural? I'm still not sure!

The upshot in my case is happy, as I still play with this couple every other month or so, and I love being in their company...they're just great people!!

I like the way you two think, and even though this post is a year and a half old, I felt compelled to add a response.

All of us need to be aware, and just do the best we can to toss these old stereotypes overboard!!

I wish you two much luck
Many Orgasms, and Much enlightened contact
with smart people!!

Best to you Both!!

WikkdBrnSugAnCrm 87M/52F

10/15/2007 8:35 pm


rm_Fridemon 37M
166 posts
2/18/2008 4:27 am

I have to say that I didn't even know what that word meant until I read your post. I grew up in the southwest and while I knew such unions were taboo to my parents and grandparents, to me and my playmates it was merely a possibility.

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