I've been CAUGHT in a lie!  

WhyteRavenne 42F
106 posts
9/28/2005 2:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I've been CAUGHT in a lie!

My Honey is about to go have sex, or at least a sexy adventure, tonight. He gave me a kiss, and left the house, taking a cab to an unknown woman's house. He is dressed up nice, in clothes that I picked out, smelling clean, and has a dash of cologne on. Now, what is it I'm feeling?

To be honest? I'm feeling GREAT. I have the house to myself to do with as I will. My children are in bed. My sewing machine is humming and I have half of my squares already done. With luck, I'll be able to finish them, tonight. What bothers me, is, why don't I understand how others would feel in my "shoes"?

The only thing about my Honey bringing home, is that this is MY sanctuary. MY HOME. I'm jealous that he would bring another person here, when I have no where else that I feel "safe". I totally understand the reasoning behind it. She's young, lives with her family, and they have no where else to go. HOWEVER, this is still MINE. MINE MINE ALL MINE! I'm trying to be understanding, really I am... but, it's hard. I really want them to experience what they have to offer each other. They need a safe environment to do it... BUT, can't they go into a hotel or something? lol.. Yeah... I know... and probably have the police knocking on the door, asking what the Hel is happening (Whipping sounds, crying... you know, all the sexy, heavy bdsm sounds... lol, stuff that Honey and I don't get THAT involved with, but...). So, I know this is the best place, but, it's still my HOME, my SAFETY. I'm jealous that I won't be able to curl up in my little nest, and feel safe from the big scary outdoors, 'cause my Honey needs it. Gods, I'm a child, sometimes. It's taken a while for me to face this fact, though. I honestly tried using other excuses to forgo their meeting. Some have been honest, but, most, well, have been stretching the truth. I am not saying I'm deliberately trying to be deceitful, just scared. I HAVE needed time to grieve (loss of family), and that was given with grace. However, I have also tried to use the Jealousy card. You know, the "You shouldn't WANT that right now, you should want ME". The truth is, the full sentence was "You shouldn't want to kick me out of my little safety net, for your own needs, you should want me to feel safe and secure". OUCH, did I really say that?

So, now that I've faced this soul quivering fact, how can I continue going on with my charade? I can't lie, and I don't know how to cheat... this SUCKS... aw well


rm_tamashiihan 37M
7 posts
9/28/2005 12:11 pm

What you need to do, both for yourself and for your Honey, is to tell him honestly what you are feeling. Unless he's a total jerk (and I doubt that he is) he will understand how you feel. The truth in this particular case is FAR more persuasive than any lies you could tell.

Once you get it out in the open, you can talk about it and help each other out. He can find ways to help you feel safe and secure, while you help him find a safe playground.

Either way, I hope it works out alright. *hugs*
(If you get tired of hearing my unsolicited advice, let me know ^_^)

smackyman 47M
3849 posts
9/28/2005 11:37 pm

The home that you have is both yours and his. If you aren't comfortable with it - (and I don't blame you) then he should respect your wishes. If you both agreed to it then fine. Like tasmasiihan says - tell him honestly. I think that he would understand. We all need to have at least one place in this world that is ours and ours alone...

jesseblast2005 51M
3 posts
9/29/2005 2:19 am

You know, without thinking, that I'm on your side in this. Your home in a grieving time should not be extrodited for any reason. Nothing against him, but I agree you should come first in this instance.

Preservation of a heart like yours is impotant, if not paramount, to the survival of your spirit. The same spirit that affords him such arrangements in the first place.

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