Hell and Suicide  

WellhungTrigger 44M
267 posts
1/23/2006 9:12 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Hell and Suicide

I was raised in the Catholic church. In fact went to Catholic school for eight years. Was an altar boy and all that shit.

In the Catholic faith they teach you that if you kill yourself, you will burn in eternal hell if you commit suicide. I guess thats why I haven't done it yet, because that would really suck.

Life just completely sucks right now, and it has for like the last year or so, and I'm completely depressed.

Why? Check this shit out.

-I've lost my License
-I have no job
-No girlfreind
-No address
-No telephone
-No money
-No credit cards
-No food in the fridge
-I have two weeks to pay a $300 fine, or I'm going to jail
-The vehicle I do have has two flat tires
-My roommate wants his girlfreind to move in, so I need to get out of here, AGAIN
-All my furniture and worldly possessions are 100 miles away from me, and I'll probably never see them again.
-I literally own a truck, a clock, some tools, and two bags of clothes.

No good shit has happened to me in a very long time.

You know how in "It's a wonderful life" how the angel comes down and tells this dude how without him in the world, all this bad shit would have happened? (I don't know I've never seen the movie.) Well, that would be real cool if it happened to me.

I would see all these people that I helped, (I even literally saved three people from certain death) all these things that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me... and I'd be real happy for those people and the human race... and then I'd look at the angel and say

When the fuck is some good shit gonna happen to me, damnit!!!
If I were to go through with it, I'd get a short sword of the Samuri type (I'd have to steal it, because I have no money), walk in the middle of some downtown street and commit seppuku. That's how the Samuri did it pierce the gut, left to right and up. Makes lunchmeat out of the bowels. They did it with honor, with class.

I could never do it though, for my fear of damnation in hell. How fucking childish.

I'm thinking about just running away. I would really like to go to Vegas or the west coast, or Mexico. Maybe good stuff will happen to me there. I've had an offer to go to New Orleans and help them rebuild. That might be nice. I like the blues. Since I'm suffering from a lifetime of depression, that seems only appropriate.

I just wish some good things would happen to me for a change. I wish I could get some money to get my business off the ground, some money to rent an appartment, some money to take a girl out on a date, some money to get my things back home, some money to pay my fines, some money to get a phone.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm really depressed because I've been flat fucking broke for so long now, It seems I'll never be anything else.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness:
a) was never broke
b) didn't know what to spend their money on
c) was a damn fool or full of shit.

If money can't buy happiness, give me some and let me put that shit to the test.

Well, this sucks, writing about this shit. I'm gonna drink some and see what ya'll tell me.

slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
1/23/2006 10:29 pm

-I have no job -- but looking.
-No boyfreind -- but not looking for one either.
-The vehicle I do have --failed emissions and I don't know if I can afford to get it fixed to pass.
-I worked for nearly 3 months for my ex-employer w/out pay....then he laid me off a week before Christmas...and I still haven't gotten my back pay.

I think your problems trumps mine right now.

I don't have any great words of wisdom to share with you...except please don't allow yourself to get to that point.

It sucks, it really, really sucks.

I have battled depression off and on for many years myself...and many times felt like giving up. Probably if it weren't for the fact that I have a daughter and a grand daughter...I may have...I also meditate and that has helped me a lot. Not religion..not going down that path...just saying that what I practice w/meditation helps.

I checked out your profile...I think one thing that might possibly help would maybe be to lighten up on the drinking some. This comes from my own experiences with that...and I know that for me it only made it worse. I also know that it's easier said than done.

Do you have family that can help you out financially? Or someone who can help you get somewhere else to maybe start over or assist in getting you a job? I noticed you are a carpenter... AZ has a lot of construction...since you mentioned maybe seeking out a warmer climate. Also...you rather like the hispanic women... and there's plenty of them here too.

I agree with your thought about money ...and sure wouldn't mind testing that theory out myself.

I do sincerely hope you can find that silver lining in that cloud that seems to be hanging around over you.

** I'm still trying to find mine ** Take care.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


1/23/2006 10:39 pm

I just don't know what to say here. I was at the point you are, and I tried to kill myself, I took an overdose in 1999, and obvs. I failed at that too. But it made everything worse. What little friends I did have,walked away. It is not an option, trust me, from someone who has been there. It really looks bad now,it could be worse, and it is bound to get better. You can't see it yet.

WellhungTrigger 44M
282 posts
1/24/2006 12:35 am

Thanx, Slidin. Your post helped. It's just so tough right now.
I don't know what to do. Maybe just wander for a while.

If I do, I'll definately put Arizona on the list. I'm wavery inclined to warm climates, and I've had some friends from there that say they enjoyed it.

-All who wander are not lost.-

WellhungTrigger 44M
282 posts
1/24/2006 12:40 am

Thanx. As I said earlier, I'm not gonna do it.
I always said if I was going to, I'd follow the Dead around.
-of course they're no longer around-
so, wandering is an option for me now.

freetime648 53F

1/24/2006 4:18 am

Make things happen??? Ever try that one? Do not sit and waller in your own self pity. You are capable of getting a job, making money, fixing your car, calling for an extension on your fine, not worrying about getting a girlfriend right now....and to me suicide is the chicken shit way out anyhow. You see your problems....NOW GO AND FIX THEM! I am sorry to sound so harsh but I, too, am Catholic and suicide is not only wrong it is a cowards way out. Put everything you have into making your life better. There are ways and means to everything...you just have to ask for the help and do it!!!!!

xx FREETIME648 xx

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