My Four Tips for Safer Sex For New Bi Women  

VictoriaBiGirl 37F
70 posts
8/25/2005 8:43 am

Last Read:
4/23/2007 9:26 am

My Four Tips for Safer Sex For New Bi Women

First of all there is no such thing as 100% Safe Sex unless it involves no contact. Its all about minimizing risk, being careful and using a lot of judgment and discretion in picking your partners.

I am NOT a health professional so please take this for what its worth, the info here is what I have learned and believe to be true but discuss each of these with your gynecologist and doctor

A few of the STDs that can possibly be transmitted via girlsex

Bacterial Vaginosis
Hepatitis B
Herpes (Genital) Infections
Human Papillomavirus (HPV)/Genital Warts

Some of these are treatable or curable and some are not. Contact me for a few good resources (since AdultFriendFinder denied my posting any) on specifics and transmission likelihood between women.

Here is a recap of a study on transmission of HIV via woman to woman contact, I think its very applicable to all female to female STDs:


Safe sex, as it applies to HIV, is any type of sex which does not let one person's blood, semen, vaginal fluid, or breast milk get inside another person's body. Below is a useful set of guidelines produced by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. These guidelines are useful in preventing transmission of other STDs as well.

Wet Kissing: is safe unless either of you has a cut or sore in your mouth, or bleeding gums. (After you brush or floss your teeth, wait at least 1/2 hour before kissing.) Blood, not saliva, contains the virus.

Touching your lover's breasts is safe. You can lick, suck, kiss and bite them too-as long as there's no blood or breast milk. Massage, dry kissing, masturbation (touching yourself), and body-to-body rubbing are all safe.

Putting your fingers inside her can be risky. To be safe, wear latex gloves. If you use a lubricant, be sure it is water-based. (Oil-based lubricants like Vaseline and hand lotion will damage the latex.)

Sores or cuts on your fingers, mouth or vagina-or hers- increase the risk. They can provide a way for the virus to get inside you. If you touch her vagina and then touch your own (or vice-versa,) you could spread the virus. Be sure to use gloves in between!

Contact with menstrual blood is very risky. If she is infected, her menstrual blood (like other blood) will have a lot of virus in it.

Oral sex on a woman is risky, especially when she has her period. To make it safe, cover her vulva (genital area) with a piece of plastic wrap. This will keep her fluids out of your mouth. Latex dams-also called "dental dams" - are safe to use for oral sex too.

Sex toys are safe by themselves, but it is risky to share them. If you share dildos or vibrators, cover them with a condom and put on a fresh one every time it is used by a different person.

Getting pregnant can be risky. If you have sex with a man or have a man donate sperm to you, make sure he tests HIV negative at least 6 months after his last possible risk. (All licensed sperm banks test their donors carefully.)

SM activities are safe if there is no blood involved. If you are piercing each other, clean the needle with bleach between users. Use different razors if you shave each other. Don't let urine or feces of another person get inside your body.


So what does this mean for us bi women and how do we incorporate it into sex practices?

#1 Get to know your partners first I discuss this with any women I am interested in and find out her sexual history and look for high risk factors (IV drug use, excessive promiscuity etc). I find out if she has been safe with the men and women she has slept with. I also ask if she is regularly tested for stds and if so what her results have been. People can lie but I never get intimate with anyone I have not invested some time and effort into getting to know and feel a bit of trust for. Its uncomfortable to ask these things but its a start.

#2 Closely inspect your partners Look for cuts, sores, rashes, unusual smells or discharges around her mouth and vagina. I know this seems gross and unromantic but it can be done discreetly. It does mean no tearing off the clothes of a new lover in the dark and diving into a 69 but that’s dangerous. Always start with a new lover in a well lit place and just slowly look them over. They don’t even have to realize what you are doing. If you see anything that gives you pause, stop right there and discuss it with them but do not be pushed into ignoring it.

#3 Change your sex practices depending on the situation If I am at a swinger's party or with a new woman I am very careful about any vaginal to vaginal contact or anything beyond kissing and mutual masturbation. I never share sex toys without washing them thoroughly. Once I get to know a woman or a couple I relax the restrictions a bit. It actually works well since it adds to the excitement of future play. Obviously if there is a man involved never ever let him play without a condom.

#4 Be conscious of the risks and educate yourself This is the last and most important one. It all starts with leaning about the risks and understanding the downsides to different sex acts. Get yourself tested regularly and ask that any regular non-monogamous partners do the same. Don’t be pressured into doing something you will regret. Keep in mind that just kissing or mutual masturbation can be very stimulating and satisfying, although its not 100% safe its relatively low risk if you are careful and wash well between contacts.

SirMounts 103M

5/8/2006 6:28 am

I feel that you provide a valuable service for many here, VictoriaBiGirl. *smiling*

FoxyTJnWolvieFox 37M/36F

5/25/2006 10:32 pm

Thank you for this information, it is very helpful for first timers like ourselves. The last thing we would want to do would be to hurt the one we love by contracting something and giving it to the other. I feel it is very, very important to get to know another person well before getting passionate and intimate.

Do you think two virgins (male and female) should get checked out before they get close?

VictoriaBiGirl 37F
22 posts
5/26/2006 5:29 am

    Quoting FoxyTJnWolvieFox:
    Thank you for this information, it is very helpful for first timers like ourselves. The last thing we would want to do would be to hurt the one we love by contracting something and giving it to the other. I feel it is very, very important to get to know another person well before getting passionate and intimate.

    Do you think two virgins (male and female) should get checked out before they get close?
I think it depends on your level of trust. I neither of you have had any sexual contact and you trust each other then I understand not getting checked out. Especially if you are going to practice safe sex.

FoxyTJnWolvieFox 37M/36F

5/26/2006 2:42 pm

Okay, so then I take it there is a good chance we haven't given each other anything since we have only been with each other, well, except one time for her. That is reassuring. We have been using condoms and birth control, because I just couldn't bear the thought of hurting her, even accidentally. I hope you know what I mean.

To get the BCP (Birth Control Pill), she does have to go see the doctor for a check up, during which they do something called a 'pap test', though I am not sure if that is how it is spelled. Is that being checked for STDs and other problems or is there something else of a check up for getting checked for STDs? Do you have to pay for going to see a doctor about having your sexual health checked in BC? If so, how much?

Thank you very much for taking the time to consider these questions. I am hoping that your valued perspective might have some insights into these issues.

VictoriaBiGirl 37F
22 posts
6/7/2006 8:53 am

As far as I know a pap test is to check for cervical cancer and infections, not sure if its considered a STD test but doubt it. Ask your doc

rm_bella_nurse 37F

6/7/2006 9:08 am

FOxy..........the Pap tests for one virus HPV, which causes cervical cancer. Other tests can be done at that time, you just need to ask for them. Some tests involve a swab of the cervix, just like the PAP, and some involve drawing blood.
Your friend, The REAL Nurse.

FoxyTJnWolvieFox 37M/36F

9/19/2006 8:19 pm

Thanks for the info guys, it does help.

versbiguyinvic 41M

4/20/2007 11:23 am

I just have to comment on FoxyTJ's lack of knowledge about STD's, even tho he sent the message about a year ago. First he said him and his girlfiend were virgins, then he says she was with someone else only once (not to be pessimistic, but she has probably had sex more than once, lots of young girls say stuff like that). Anyway, all it takes is one time to get an STD. Testing for STD's can be done by your family doctor and there are many medical clinics that will test you as well. If you chose a medical clinic you can be tested anonamously, and as far as I know it's free. I have never had to pay for an STD test.

By the way, I thank you VBG for this post. Before reading your post I had never thought that STD's can be transfered from finger to vagina. I work construction and almost always have little cuts on my fingers. This little piece of info is good to know thanx.

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