98 posts
3/19/2006 3:59 am

Last Read:
7/26/2006 3:05 am


For the last few months while in AdultFriendFinder, I've met some really nice people who have been amazing with their positive support and helpful advice.

Out of the hundreds there have been only a couple who responded negatively but I figure it might have been too much for them to handle as the information around abuse tends to freak people out. Denial is easier because then their perfect little world can continue...status quo.

For the most part I believe people are good...but there are a few who are extremely abusive and take pleasure hurting others. For those who don't believe I can understand that as well as most abuse is hard to believe if you have never experienced it. But believe... because who in their right mind would want to subject themselves to further abuse from the non believers and those who criticize us for posting the information to prevent further abuse to others.

We do it to prevent the abuse from continuing. It is like an infectious disease and spreads like wildfire if you let it. The negative comments and hurtful remarks are painful at times but worth the effort of Stopping the Abuse It is not about a vendetta or anything of that sort but, providing helpful information and or, staying informed and not giving in to ignorance.

The healing process from such an abusive person (Lexx10inch) is difficult and long, and can completely leave the so called victim (survivor) paralized in many ways.

Yes... it is about power and control and their lack of sense of self and how powerless they feel in the world. Abusers are weak and need to bully their way around others to feel big or strong. We all know that it is their lack of strength and courage, and how small they feel around us, and the rest of the world.

I want to thank James for the constant affirmation and friendship and for believing and being supportive as this has been a hard and difficult journey for me, and I'm sure for you as well.

It takes courage and strength to post this information. I agree with you about the wall of silence it needs to be kicked down and the abusers need to be named.

Thank you for posting and let's kick that wall down brick by brick.


jamesbond0071965 52M
23 posts
3/19/2006 8:19 pm

i could not have said it better. this was a postive blog, and i would like to thank you for your support as well. this is no picnic for anybody to go through, as we both have had this unfortunate experience.

this disease needs to be stoped! like any other disease, you need information and knowledge to fight it. i have started to take that wall down, just like you. as a team we can beat this disease. i can see that you have taken down a couple of bricks down already.

Thank YOU.


XR250L 41M

4/2/2006 10:50 am

Wow some poweful words. "Sweet things are made of these . . . ." I think you're right about one's own sense of self worth determining how one treats others. I love someone unconditionally, but her self esteem is so low, that she holds contempt for my love and therefore for me, thinking I must be worthless if I can love something that she feels is worthless. And hence there has been an emotional abuse surrounding that in the past, it only stopped when I chose to no longer accept it. Abuse can be many things. And it is so important to talk about it in order that it stop! Awsome post, you rock!


4/7/2006 12:59 am

XR250L...Thank you for sharing some of your story with me and with an open mind I might add.

It must be really tough to love someone who cannot love themselves. What to do about that type of abuse is hard sometimes as you see the other person struggle with their emotional turmoil. When it turns into abuse and is directed at you it then becomes about you. Then it's about making decisions.

Do I stay and try to help and will this person take responsibility and try to help themselves as well in the process?

Is this person aware of what is happening and how this affects the relationship as a whole or is this person placing blame and not making the effort or acknowledging that they need help?

How does all this affect my well being and am I enabling this person to continue their destructive behavior?

You cannot help a person if they do not see what it is they are doing. Awareness is the key to a path of changing anything. Ultimately it is beyond your control to change anyone so you have to ask yourself is this the life I want and am I happy?

I too had to ask myself some really tough questions. I was blind sighted with his abusive and destructive behavior towards me. The more I tried to help the more he had contempt for me. Nothing I did or attempted to do was ever good enough and I became the scapegoat for all his problems.

I realized eventually this was a pattern with him and I was just another vehicle for him to justify his behavior. He was repeating what he knew and what he had always done which was to attach blame on to some one else so he would not have to take responsibility for his actions. It was easier to do this then to destroy the façade he so diligently created to hide his true self. Like the fairy tale…a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

I wish you much strength and courage to find peace and love and do what’s best for you because in the end you have one person to answer to…and that’s you.

Thank you for the support and encouragement.


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