Standing in the heat with my hair in the breeze  

48 posts
8/4/2006 8:57 pm

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9/27/2006 2:06 pm

Standing in the heat with my hair in the breeze

As I stood today outside my apartment to smoke a cigarette,I leaned up against the building with one foot propped up against the wall and gazed at the tree tops and the sky.The thoughts began to flood my mind like a fury of waves during a typhoon.I enjoy my life right now.It's complex yet simple to me.

I know you all have heard me say this several times but after last night and earlier today of thinking and replaying last nights events,I just can't help it.I have come to realize my search is over for sure.I have told myself that I was NEVER going to fall in love again and I was NEVER going to fall for someone that I met over the internet even IF I did feel like I was interested in someone I met online.To stand up and defend someone and show the simple morals of a man and the honesty and integrity in a room full of innocent bystanders is somewhat like bragging on who you are or something.I hate confrontations and I knew it was going to come at some point or another eventually.To make a story short but in some detail to let my readers in on some of the insight as to why I am writing this blog today I will let you know briefly and to the point of what happened.

A person came into a room I was in chatting with friends and such.They noticed a couple of people I had on my network at the time and the comment"Now all your women are in one room" was made.I only had three women on my network at the time and yes we were all three in the room chatting and having fun.I was interested in this person at the beginning and was tlaking to them through the site and through my messengers off the site.But they went out for a weekend excursion with another male friend to sow some wild oats lets say.No big deal I guess,I mean I was not there to be by her side.It's not like she and I could touch each other or anything.This person has been celabit for 3 years or so now,so what was a couple more months of waiting?Anyhow,it wasn't the point to me.The point to me was the fact they had advertised it across several postings where we both go constantly so they knew I would see it.I consider myself faithful to someone to no end.If I'm in a bar with my woman and another woman comes asking for a dance,I direct them to my woman and tell them "I am with someone but thank you for your consideration or interest enough to want to dance with me".It's not being rude,its being there 100% for your partner.Loyalty,honor,faith and commitmentship.It's not a hard thing at all.I have never cheated on anyone I have ever been with nor do I intend to start now.Needless to say I back away from the person.I was going to close out my account here on AdultFriendFinder and walk away from the site all together.I noticed I had e-mail through the site when I logged on and since I had not heard from this person in a week or a little over I thought it might be her.Nope,it was someone else.Someone I had secretly looked at before but was to scared to try and say anyting or not brave enough actually.She had read through several of my blogs before and some of my posts across the site and had secretly been watching me as well.I contacted her and thought I would wait another day to cancel my account here.Sure enough,I had heard back from her within hours of me replying to her e-mail.We did seem to have alot in common.We talked for three days straight through the night until I had to go to work the next morning.She allowed me to sleep about an hour or two each day for three or four had alot to talk about and found ourselves molded together.It was like a female version of me and I was a male version of her.We talk everyday and still have only found one or two things we dont have in common.We have been talking for almost a week now from 6 at night until about 5 or 6 every morning.Yeah thats alot of we have plans to meet and see what happens from there.She cut off all thoughts of seeing other men period.She claims herself to be taken even though we are 1100 miles from each other.She has no interest in anyone else but me.A perfect soulmate in my mind.

However,to stand up for someone,show your commitment and your dedication to a single person is a great feeling to have again.I still have the other person as a friend and have also told her I was here anytime she wanted to talk.I would always be there for any friend of mine to give advice to,past experience and handlements of such experiences,or anything.Even just to plan have someone to talk to.I have not heard anything from them since and I do think the person is sulking and pretty pissed at me to a point but still respects the fact that I am who I am and that I have certain morals and expectations that I will not allow to be crossed ever again in my life.

And by chance should that particulier person be reading through my blog then please accept my humble apologies.I'm sure things could have been done differently,handled differently and without the hurt and the pain.I still want you as a friend and will always consider you a friend.I wish you the best of luck in finding what you are looking for .However what you was looking for and what I am looking for do ultimately end up being completely different in the end.I don't want to have a common law wife and children.I want more.I want the children and a wife,lock stock and barrel.I don't want just a taste and only 50%.I want the whole meal and 100% of the farm.When it comes to a relationship,I am very greedy.I don't like to share and refuse to as a matter of fact.Nor do I want a little now and a little later or a little after this or that.It's not a possession thing,it's a commitment and a life of love.

I guess the moral of my blog today is this: Never say Never and when all you can have on your mind is a woman you cant seem to touch but is right there in front of you.....It might be right,pretty sure it is.But you won't know until you take the chance and reach out for the risk.She is always on my mind and it's almost as if she pushes me to get through the day so I can spend every spare second with her online until we can meet in person.Everyone has someone out there.And sometimes they fall in your lap when you least expect it and mostly when your not even looking.

I hope my readers have a good day and things go well for them.Remeber.I am always here to give insight on something from another view.I will be opening a thread as well for people who want advice.Check the next thread coming.


8/5/2006 6:24 pm

Very deeply thought out and written.It does fit the purpose and thank you for allowing me to see what I did not see before.

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