Bi = Pimp Vs Slut; Why do we have this problem?  

TwoForToys 48M/44F
10 posts
1/29/2006 9:47 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Bi = Pimp Vs Slut; Why do we have this problem?


First of all, I would like to say that this is NOT a problem that I have anymore (Thank God). I have found my lifelong soulmate, who understands me and accepts me for who and what I am, and I am eternally grateful for that. But I have been a single bi female before, and I always hated having to tell men that I was considering becoming involved with that I was bi. Even when I made sure they had time to get to know me first as a person, it changed EVERYTHING; and it seemed like I always got one of two responses to doing so.

Response #1- The man becomes so excited about the fact that you are bi that your sexuality consumes everything else about your personality and you are a non-person to them, just a sex object. They expect that you are there to be their pimp and provide them with women, as if you can just go down to your local Threesomes-R-Us store and pick out a likely cantidate on demand. You should be willing and able to fulfill their every whim and fantasy. They cannot be content with just you, and they feel like you are holding out on them if you do not provide them what they want right when they want it.

They cannot understand that the other female must also be interested and you cannot control her actions or desires. They get irate and insecure if you do find someone for yourself who is not interested in them. They can get whiny and demanding about it to the point they are no longer of any interest to you, and you walk away feeling cheap and used, if only by intention alone. I have met many, many of these types, and it seems a little more common than type 2.

Response #2- This is the man who was very interested in you when he thought you were straight, but suddenly decides that you are some type of raging whore when he finds out you also like women. He apparently has the misconception that because you are bi, that means you intend to bed anything that has a pulse. The way you conduct yourself as a person does not seem to have any effect on this belief.

I actually made the mistake of marrying this man many years ago, and for some reason after the marriage this side of his personality emerged in a huge way (even though he knew well prior to the wedding and seemed okay with it). Even though I had mistakenly agreed to his request of being in a monogamous relationship with him only, and stayed true to that without complaint or any sign of doing anything different for the entire 2 years of our marriage, I was slutty and untrustworthy just because I was bi. (You should never have to try to change who you are for someone else's insecurities).

I was not allowed to have friends of either sex without a huge hassle because I could not be trusted to control myself, and was accused of sleeping with everything from the mailman to the neighbor's 15 year old daughter. The divorce was the best part of my married life with him and a huge relief, and oddly enough was caused because he was cheating on me and got caught.

Why is it so hard for men to take the time and initiative to understand us and care about us as person who has more to them than their sexuality? Does it make them that insecure that we like and pursue something that they cannot provide? Is it jealousy, or just immaturity? Are they that shallow that they want what they want and do not care about anything or anyone else?

I can clearly understand that it is every man's fantasy. Why can they not clearly understand that that does not imply that it is my purpose in life to make that happen for them? Is it not obvious that the more caring and understanding they are towards ME, the more interested I would actually be in their desires; but that when they act like babies having temper tantrums it not only makes me totally disinterested in it, it makes me want to smack some sense into them and then walk away?

My sexuality is definately a part of who I am, but it does not define me as a human being. My life does not revolve around it, and I have no desire for it to. If I cannot have a caring, satisfying and stable relationship with a man on my own merits, why would I have any desire to add any further causes of chaos into what is already a bad relationship?

This is a problem that I ran into more times than I can count before Marc and I got involved. For those of you ladies out there fortunate enough to have a man who treats you with respect and dignity, who loves and accepts you for who and what you are- you are truly blessed. For those who do not have that, I can only hope that you find it soon. When you have that, it opens so many doors for both you and your partner to experience many wonderful things that only make that bond between you stronger.

Anyway, I thought I would adress this issue here, because as many times as it happened to me, I am positive I am not the only one that has ran into it. I am hoping it will give hope to any women going through it that they can and will eventually find a decent and mature man.

I am also hoping that any men who happen to read this will stop to think before they pursue juvenile and counterproductive behaviors that only tend to make us very angry and unwilling. If that woman in your life can't be good enough for you by herself, then she should leave you, because you will never be deserving of her. Anything else that comes on the side from being involved with a bi female should be a bonus to your relationship, not the purpose of it.

rm_xtreem247 56M

2/9/2006 3:36 pm

Wow Stacy, you really hit it right on the head. What I find so many times is that women have the perception that because I am Bi, I will screw anything that walks and think of my sexuality as "freakish". They don't take a minute to listen to my perspective and understand it for what it is.
I can see you must have gone through hell with the responses you've gotten when you told or expressed yourself about being bi. You would think that if someone really cared about you that they would at least try to understand you and listen. I believe that acceptance is the key, accept the things you cannot change. Because of a sexual preference, it does not change who you are as a person. I really think bisexual people are better rounded and can see things from the other's point of view, being open minded and willing to try. Now i don't nock anyone for not being bi, it's their choice and I'm cool with that. Just respect my choice as well, even if it is different than the "norm". I think Bi-folks make better lovers too. So there, all you non-believer, narrow-minded control freaks!


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