Canada, Here I Come!
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Posted:Aug 18, 2009 6:28 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 11:9 am
2181 Views
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Almost 10 years later, after first coming into the States, right at the beginning of the Dubya era, it is time to leave. I am finally going back to Canada. I don't like the reason why. I don't like not being able to succeed on my own. I don't like having to start over fresh living where I will. But this may be just the change I need to get going again. This time, all the mistakes I made won't be made again. Going to try and get my drivers license soon. Going to make sure I have a place and job before I move. No more thinking with the wrong head. It is time to do things right. But that still doesn't make it any easier.
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Scared, worried and hopeful
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Posted:Aug 7, 2009 4:30 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 11:9 am
2183 Views
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It is time for a bit of an update. For those of you who have known me for a while, you are familiar with my ranting about my boss. You have heard how frustrated I became with him all the time. Well, Tuesday, it all blew up. After emailing him for weeks to get a raise discussed, he finally sat down with me (after delaying it from the promised date of Monday) He started in with his usual, that he expects me to do the work of three people in the time of one (my paraphrasing, but accurate, since he expects more then is possible for one person) My job title was Shipping Manager. And he then proceeded to say he would give me a raise (a small damn amount not even worth mentioning) but ONLY if a minimum sales amount was met. Umm....excuse me? Shipping Manager, not sales. I told him that was unacceptable and he didn't budge, so I wrote up a quick letter of resignation and walked out the door.
Obviously, after being out of hardcore job hunting for the past 7 years, and the crappy economy here in Tulsa, I am more then a little terrified. I am not sure I will be able to make ends meet. Not only that, I am scared he will try some bullshit with me and try and withhold some of my final paycheck. I know how much I worked, and I know what I should be getting, and I am sure he will try and knock as much off as he can. Especially in light of what I heard today. Apparently he is telling people that I sabotaged the Fed Ex system so no one can import or export properly. This is a bold faced lie, he just has no one there who KNOWS the system, so he has to make himself look like the victim. A terrible tactic. That still doesn't make me any less scared. I am at a tight spot for bills, and I know it was a bad time to leave, but I had to. I couldn't take the abuse anymore.
I do have an interview today. I am not sure how well it will work out, considering it is sales, but I will certainly put my all into it. It has the potential of making some very good money if it works out. And at least it will be a paycheck. Hopefully enough to pay my rent that is due in a couple weeks.
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Thoughts...
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Posted:Jul 21, 2008 3:53 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2009 4:29 am
2052 Views
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Why do I keep coming back here? This place is full of fake people, fake lives, and has a horrible meat market mindset. I have found one or two great people in the past, and this run around I found me someone to play Playstation with, and probably beat me at Need for Speed, but overall, this run has been more of a bust then the last time. Have met some other people, thought they were good people, but was terribly mistaken. Of course it took me getting brushed off by them, and being hurt by it to really see their true colours, breaking the illusion that I was looking at.
Its too bad too, they had such potential as human beings, if they just didn't decide to fuck up their lives. I am sorry, but a person who goes out of their way to actually cause a karmic response from the universe, and has no regrets about doing it, that just signals a very bad mindset. There is causing harm to protect from more damage (like burning a cut closed, or pushing an arrow through your body instead of pulling it back out) and something like that on a larger scale would not create a karmic response. You are doing something for a good reason, helping the world to heal. But when you do something hurtful, and you DO get a karmic response, you are NOT helping the world to heal, you are just jabbing in another knife. And you honestly deserve what you get.
To the good people in my life on here, you know who you are, because I keep talking to you. You are good folks, never let anyone tell you otherwise. I will soon be retiring from coming on here, once this month runs out. You will still be able to contact me in the usual methods.
To those who are not good people, don't seek me out. Don't even come near me. If you think you have strength, you haven't seen me when I get in full defensive mode. Forget about revenge. You won't like what it brings you.
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What is a Soul
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Posted:Jul 21, 2008 3:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2013 10:23 pm
2367 Views
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It's time for another one of my ramblings! This one, is a little more like a theoretical rambling. Something I have been thinking about for a while, and finally gotten the right words to it to make it a reality. It is based on an older rambling, but with a little more evolved information and theory. And thus we begin....
What is a soul!
Obviously, I don't expect everyone to agree with this. In fact, I would be shocked if more then a small number actually believed even a portion of it. My background in pagan religions and science would seem to be at odds, as generally the two do not agree, but I think I found the key that makes them work together.
From all we know from various religions, souls are supposed to be the part of us that makes us human, that differs us from animals. This actually sounds quite plausible. Humans do things that other animals do not. We are not quite in tune with the natural world around us, and as such, it can cause problems. But this also leaves us with the first part of the puzzle: Souls are a separate part of humans.
The next part of the puzzle comes from the study of spirits and ghosts. The search for the paranormal traditionally was done with mediums and crystals and all sorts of fancy new age mumbo jumbo. Don't get me wrong, a lot of this has a valid basis, but now, the search is done with technology. K2 meters, EMF meters, Flir cameras, all of these measure various forms of energy and are said to detect ghosts. Heck, even crystals are said to resonate with certain frequencies of energy. This brings in the next piece: Souls are energy.
Most people agree that a soul is what gives us humanity, compassion, understanding and humour. That may very well be exactly the truth. These things are obviously lacking from most, if not all of the animal species. And for all our posturing, we are still just animals, albeit intelligent ones. But there is a spark that can separate us from the beasts. This spark is the soul. It is the good within us, and is our conscience.
Now comes the part which people will probably start disagreeing with. It stems from the first part. Everyone has heard that a certain person may be 'soulless' and as such, not worthy of being a part of society. That actually may be truer then they imagine. I think souls, while generally are a part of most humans, are not ALWAYS present.
So where does that leave us? We have established that souls are energy and may or may not be present in all people. They keep us from being the beasts that our physical forms would instinctually drive us towards. That sounds almost like they are controlling us. That they are pilots in the machine that is our body. Perhaps we are not looking at souls the right way. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe souls are NOT of this world?
The universe is billions upon billions of years old. We think we are the first intelligent life form out there. What a load of rubbish. What most people don't realize is that countless suns have been born and died even before we came into existence. The very molecules that make up our bodies are remnants from old exploded stars. We are, quite literally, recycled from old systems. We could very well be reformed from another ancient civilization. And for all we know, they may still be a part of us.
What, you may ask, am I talking about? A common theme in old stories and new ones, is about people ascending beyond the physical plane. Becoming one with the universe. Achieving nirvana. Or in science fiction terminology, becoming energy beings. Now you see where I am going. Energy beings. Souls are energy. Ascended beings would have a heightened sense or morality. Souls are the sources of our morality. The connection is made. Perhaps souls are actually energy beings that form a symbiotic relationship with a physical form. Why? Well, the Hindu believe that our souls return until we get everything right. Perhaps those energy beings, while still having a heightened sense of morality, are not perfect. They need to improve themselves. And they have to keep working at it until they get it right.
But this also makes me wonder, we talk about ages of souls. Certainly with an explosion of population, we wonder if there was enough souls to fill all these human vessels. Well, I am sure a race that is made of energy has a way to reproduce. And of course, that means newer beings, or should we just call them souls now. And being energy, I am sure there are ways to actually destroy them. Hell, the destruction, both on a physical and energy scale, of nuclear weapons, would probably rip a soul apart. So it stands to reason some souls just don't make it. And perhaps a population explosion in the human side can cause a deficiency on the soul side, making soulless people, who end up being killers, or worse.
All the theories of the alien intervention causing human beings to evolve, may actually have some small basis in fact. The souls, over millions of years, influenced subtle changes to help bring about a form best suited to their living in. But then comes the sticking point of this while theory. Does this mean the soul is in charge or the body? Well, it actually would be a combination of both. A true symbiotic relationship helps both beings. That is true in nature as well. Take a look at the Egyptian Plover, a bird which has developed a symbiotic relationship with crocodiles. The crocodiles open their mouths, the birds fly in, pick out bits of food between their teeth, and go on with their lives safely. Even though crocodiles eat birds, they don't eat these, simply because the teeth cleaning is actually beneficial to them. Humans provide the souls with a body to help better themselves, and the souls provide humans with much needed guidance to keep them from descending into chaos. Its too bad some don't listen to them.
Suddenly, the concept of being a soul from a past life, reborn in a new body makes sense. It also accounts for memories that could not be a part of the physical form, the whole global consciousness belief. So when you die, your soul sticks around for a while, until it finds another body. Sometimes, it gets stuck, like with ghosts, especially if it is a tragic or violent death. Those souls may just be looking for something that will help them pass on. Or maybe they felt so dedicated to something, they can't even pass on. That itself leads into a whole new examination of ghosts and hauntings.
Now if this is true, it does have one interesting side effect. Past lives obviously can go back quite a ways. Humans have been recording things for several thousand years. But what about before humans were humans? When did the first souls arrive? And where did they arrive from? There would be old souls, ones from back in ancient days when man first evolved, and then there would be OLD souls, ones from before that, perhaps on another planet. Souls with memories of things that are beyond our current realm of comprehension.
Yes, this is a little far fetched. Yes, this is purely theoretical. But in all honesty, I believe there is a lot more truth to this then even I care to admit. It would certainly explain a lot more about things then we would at first believe. And it explains many things in my life. Things I don't care to discuss, or have never discussed with others. And no, this has nothing to do with that crazy cult known as Scientology. To be honest, I have never even read anything on it. I don't care to. While it is possible they may have a sound theory or two, does nothing to excuse their methods. I cannot abide by that kind of behaviour from any religion, which explains my hatred of a lot of them.
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I've Seen it Around
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Posted:Jul 16, 2008 3:51 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2008 5:16 am
2255 Views
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There is this "wonderful" article running around that is called "What Happened To All the Nice Guys?" If you Google it, you will most likely find it pretty fast. Its nothing special. It does however bring up a few points, and still neatly avoids the real answer to the question. First thing it brings up:
The Quiet Nice Guy
This is the one the little story talks about at the beginning. It's kind of classifying him as kind of nerdy, pathetic, and clingy. Great. That's just what the world needs, more stereotypes. I won't even go into the reasons this whole type-casting is a load of total crap. It's pretty obvious to me, that if the world needed another "Revenge of the Nerds" movie, we would make one. Notice we haven't.
Lack of Self Respect
This is where the whole story falls apart. If someone has such poor self respect that they have to turn to being a jerk just to try and get a girl, they really aren't a nice guy. They are just neutral, falling into the darkness. Nice guys don't stop being nice. In fact, nice guys are like nice girls, and end up with the same problems. You know those horror stories of nice girls who have abusive spouses? The poor ladies who are controlled and abused by these jerks? Well, there are men in the same position as those ladies. Oh yes, its true! Women can be as much jerks as men can! Women can be controlling and abusive too! The difference is, because men are SUPPOSED to be the strong ones, society as a whole makes fun of any man who has this happen to them. We ridicule them for being weak, and small. They are "cast out" of the "Men's Club" because they aren't macho. So, what happens to the others who have this happen to them? They become silent. Their bear their shame and pain quietly and keep going on.
But like many women, some of these guys are able to break free. Either with the help of friends, or just finding the courage in themselves, men and women alike find themselves free of bad relationships. And where do they go from there? Well, this is where the nice guys diverge. And this divergence is the same for all nice guys, be it ones who were never in a bad relationship, or ones just out of a bad one.
Some fall back into the same pattern. They get into a bad relationship, and start that cycle over.
Some find a nice woman. They have a nice start to a relationship and it goes many different ways from there.
Some lose their niceness and become the crude, rude and mean kind of people who tend to dominate the world. Or at least your attention.
Some become what molded them. Like an abused who beats their , they perpetuate the cycle of violence and cruelty.
Some end up going out and looking again, hoping and praying.
Some become bitter and jaded, and just give up. They see the world, and the people in it, and the first thing they wonder is: Is the human race worth saving?
Guess which category I am in.
Another topic that seems to come along with this story (at least when I found one website that had it) is the concept of:
Feminism vs. Feminazism
Yeah, yeah, I am about to invoke the rule by using the N word. Not that one, the swaztika wearing one. But there is a reason. Feminist, the pure ones, believe in equality. And know what? A lotta guys do too. However, the others go too far. I was amused, once in High school the English teacher asked "How many of you believe in equality between the sexes?" and everyone raised their hand. Then he asked "How many believe that the feminist movement has gone too far?" Most of the women raised their hands, and the men were too scared to. THAT says something. When women think it has gone too far, that tells me something is wrong. Equality is the best thing for everyone. When you start using the cry of equality to push others down, you may as well call yourself "Big Sister". For those that don't get the reference, in the novel 1984, to make sure everyone was equal, you were "handicapped" to make yourself as capable as the least capable person. Nice thought, isn't it? After all, why should that guy have 20/20 vision if I can't have it?
So in the end, what is my point? My point is simple. Everyone has an agenda. The guy who wrote the original story wants women to believe he is a "nice guy" and instead of taking blame for his decision to become a jerk, he wants to blame women. That doesn't sound like something a nice guy would do. And what is my agenda? To entertain you and educate you. How will it serve me? Probably won't, but at this point, I don't care if it does. I may be bitter and jaded, not the type someone would want to date, but I'm still nice enough to tell you there are snakes out there, some vile cobras who are dancing in front of you making you think they are not going to bite you.
And what do I think of human beings on a whole?
I am hoping we are worth saving, but fear we are spiraling down the toilet faster every day.
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Tulsa vs. Edmonton
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Posted:Jul 16, 2008 3:49 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2008 5:19 am
2230 Views
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This is something I think about from time to time, having lived most of my life just outside of Edmonton. Even though I love Toronto, where I went to college, I still think of Edmonton as "my town". And now, here I live in Tulsa. There are some similarities. What are they?
Both have a hockey team named the Oilers. Both have a baseball team named the Drillers. Both are oil towns (the sports teams should be the first clue) Both have weather that allows for tornados (however Edmonton's are more recently prominent)
Now, the differences are more then a little subtle.
Population: Tulsa: around 390,000 Edmonton: Over 1,000,000 Public Transport: Tulsa: Its a joke Edmonton: Subway/LRT and very useful bus system that goes pretty late Cultural: Tulsa: Ummm....what culture? Edmonton: Known as the City of Festivals, as well as the City of Champions.
Okay, let me explain that last one, since I bet some Tulsa folks are going to whine about that one. Edmonton has festivals pretty much NON-STOP during the summer. And we aren't just talking one or two things. Here's a list of some of the notable ones: The Works Art & Design Festival International Street Performers Festival Capital Ex (formerly Klondike Days) Sourdough Raft Races Canadian Finals Rodeo and Farmfair (second only to the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas for Prestige) International Fringe Festival (the largest in North America and second only to the one in Edinburgh) Folk Music Festival Heritage Festival River City Shakespeare Festival Boat Festival Whyte Avenue Art Walk Edmonton International Film Festival
Now, as you can see, that is a LOT of festivals. That is a LOT of culture. Why City of Champions? Edmonton Oilers, winners of 5 Stanley Cups. Edmonton Eskimos, winners of the Grey Cup (Canadian Football league's trophy) THIRTEEN TIMES. And for those who know hockey, this is where Wayne Gretzky got his star. Who else got their starts there? Tommy Chung, Michael J Fox, Mark Messier. Heck, even Leslie Nielsen and Robert Goulet have lived in Edmonton.
To top it off, Edmonton is home of the largest mall in North America. This mall is a FREAKING CITY UNTO ITSELF!
I'm sorry Tulsa, but you just fall short. No offense, but you pale in comparison to Edmonton.
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Updates all around
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Posted:Jul 16, 2008 3:48 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2008 5:18 am
2058 Views
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Since I have been away from here a long time, I decided it was time to update my profile. Some of the things I used to be looking for I am not, and I have become a whole lot pickier and jaded. But that's all right, its how I am. Feel free to comment on some of the changes.
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Are Video Games a Waste?
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Posted:Jun 15, 2006 10:49 pm
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2007 5:53 am
2188 Views
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Well, I am sure there a lot of people out there that think they most certainly are. But let's look at a few little things about the two types of games I tend to play...
Any kind of 'twitch' game: These kind of games help improve hand-to-eye co-ordination, which is, in turn, good for a lot of things in life, including driving.
Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games: These serve a couple of purposes. Like old style pen and paper games, they promote communication skills with others, and interpersonal relationships. They tend to get you to also think outside the box, since sometimes the solution is not so normal. Also, with the things I have been doing lately in the one that I usually do, I am being forced into a leadership role. This is not a role I am used to in my life, so I am having to learn to be an effective leader. Now, in the game, the lives of the characters are what is at stake. While dying is no big thing, it is a major inconvenience, and generally speaking, we don't like to do it if we don't have to. With that being said, it is like taking command of a military expidition, without the threat of real death, of my teammates or anyone else. It does make you learn to be a good leader and fast. Some people tend to think being a leader means giving orders, telling people what to do and making sure they do it. That is not true. Being a good leader means knowing who is best for what, and even listening to others to hear what they have to say. Sometimes, they may have an idea way better then what you did. Luckilly for me, one of the skills of being a good leader I have down quite well. I listen very well. I also am good at balancing decisions and being diplomatic. What did I need to learn? To have the focus and force to make a judgement, to command others, and to inspire confidence in what we are doing.
Now if only my boss at work could learn half those skills.
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Proof that Evolution Goes in Reverse
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Posted:Jun 1, 2006 4:32 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2013 10:28 pm
2281 Views
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(Cross posted)
I got this little email in my box today from someone who apparently has some issues...
"Dude, playing dungeons and dragons is not cool anymore. i hope u realize that ur a homo and ur feathered mullet is a thing of the past....way past. do us all a favor and delete ur profile. guys like u make me realize why people commit suicide. i got something for u to play with. i just hope it's long enuf...."
It also included some picture of a naked guy. Now I don't know why he was so threatened by me. Maybe he doesn't like working for a nerd at his job at McDonald's and has to take his time to attack others. Maybe he hasn't graduated High School yet, and all the nerds there are graduating and making fun of him. Maybe he is jealous of someone who can form a complete sentence without misspelling every other word. I know that he definitely has a fear that perhaps he is homosexual and has a severe case of homophobia. After all, why would he have such pictures lying around and be so ready to say that everyone else is. In psychological terms, they call that projecting. You know deep down you are something, but refuse to admit it, so project it on others, and accuse them of being it.
I just had to share this example of why certain species of animals are bound to die out. I hope he learns one day that his attitude and lack of ability to communicate effectively will keep him in his mother's basement for a lot longer.
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ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!
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Posted:Jul 12, 2005 4:35 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2006 10:50 pm
2590 Views
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All right folks, its time to grow up. I'm talking to YOU America. GROW UP! It's time to take the words of Gandhi to heart and act your age as a nation. America, relatively speaking, to the rest of the world is just an upstart nation. A young with a big mouth. Unfortunately, that also includes a big gun to back it up. Know what? The rest of the world doesn't care. So you have nukes. WHO CARES! Everyone else does. So you can blow up the planet ten times over. WHO CARES! You take yourself with them.
I just received a "joke" in my IM (I won't say from who) and I found it to be in poor taste. It started off somewhat nice saying that the slang "towel heads" for Islamic/Muslim people was politically incorrect, which it IS! And then went on to explain that it is not a towel, it is a small folded sheet. Which is also true. I wear a towel on my head when I get out of the shower, so if you want to call anyone a towel head, wait till I get out of the shower. Anyways, it then said to refer to them as "little sheet heads" which is just childish. Its no wonder they hate Americans! You insult them at every opportunity, and for nothing more then what they choose to adorn themselves with. What comment can we make about those who have piercings in every part of their body? Or how about people who wear their pants falling down...there are dozens of things that people do that some of us find stupid when it comes to clothing.
Now, I am one quarter Lebanese. For those of you who need a Geography lesson, that's right beside Israel. Am I a Muslim? No. Do I support the actions of those participating in terrorism? No. But know what? Most Muslims DON'T! A few radical factions decided to do things the wrong way. A few Catholics decided to burn people at the stake and torture confessions out of them, does that mean that all Catholics are bad? Of course not. There are radical and extreme factions in EVERY group in the world. Does that mean every group is bad? I certainly hope not. I am sick and tired of hearing every little joke meant to poke at another group of people just because we don't like them. During the 60's it was the evil communists. Now its the evil Muslims. Stop acting like a bunch of sheep and start thinking for yourselves. By perpetuating the hatred and hard feelings, all you are doing is making the rift between the two cultures greater, and making it more likely that things will get worse. Someone already showed how close they can strike to the people of the US, do they need to do it again to show just how arrogant you are?
This has been the personal persepctive of a Canadian living in the US. Its views are not a reflection of AdultFriendFinder, its parent company or its employees. Its my opinion and I am sticking to it.
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Why do I let it happen....
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Posted:Jun 25, 2005 9:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2324 Views
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I love her. I know I do. She says she loves me. But she says I drive her crazy. She drives me crazy. No matter how much I try and block it, she still is able to hurt me, just with her words. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can handle being second to her, even if it is better then I have gotten before. What does that mean for me? Why do I let this happen to me?
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Things that sound cool
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Posted:Jun 19, 2005 11:09 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2349 Views
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Here's a few quotes I came up with that just sound cool. Sometimes I wonder where I come up with this stuff....the rest of the time I don't care as long as I can write it down.
"Looking for good folks on here is like looking for fat free cheesecake in a confectionary store. Sure, you can find it, but usually the other tasty treats will distract you long before you find it, and you will end up going home with something else, and find it wasn't what you wanted later."
"I am the step beyond a jack-of-all-trades: Know a little bit of everything, master of none. I am a Person-of-All: A little bit of everything, a lot of nothing."
"You'd have more luck finding a piece of good ass if you realize you are looking for a mule to begin with."
"I bought ribbed condoms and turned them inside out for my pleasure" (that wasn't mine, but it was funny as heck)
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Does divorce make you ugly?
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Posted:Jun 19, 2005 8:34 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2007 6:01 am
2357 Views
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Here I am, having been through a lot in my life. Married young, the relationship didn't last, she left me after less then 3 years. And now, 3 years after the divorce, I look back and see what kind of women I have been involved with on a long term basis. Most are not even worth my time, but they are the only ones that said yes. A few good ones are out there in the past, but they were just brief, or nothing serious. It makes me wonder, to most women, does a married man seem less attractive? Is there some kind of scar on the personality of a divorced man? Something that makes him seem less attractive, since another woman did not want him? Sure some guys can get more then one marriage, but they usually have something else going for them....really 'media handsome' or just plain rich. Sure, that means they are getting shallow guys, but the question is, how many women are left that aren't shallow? I can't even get some to talk to me.
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To link to this blog (TseranWyrm) use [blog TseranWyrm] in your messages.
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