Quiet Conception Scientific Shock Spectacular  

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
3484 posts
1/24/2006 10:12 am

Last Read:
8/3/2006 1:42 pm

Quiet Conception Scientific Shock Spectacular

Yes, it's official: this QuietGuy is going to have a baby!

Erik_Bloodaxe, seer of seers, mystick incomparable, psychic extraordinaire and sometime amateur execution victim (aka The Man With The Crystal Balls) has already produced his list of cast-iron, gold-plated predictions for denizens of This Site (see [post 194073] if you missed them - and thank your lucky stars: the printed version sells for £25 under the title "Goings On Wot Are Definitely Going To Go On" ).

The other night, however, Dr Bloodaxe felt a tingle in his Ball. At first, he put it down to a sudden influx of beautiful women into the European Hot Tub but no! it was the onset of another of his mind-blowing and almost-guaranteed visions.

Through it came, as clear and fully-formed as one could ever wish: in February I would apparently be impregnated and would give birth to a bouncing baby boy in November. The mother? None other than Helga_Hansen.

Cue general uproar ... and, on my part at least, a certain horror. Was it possible? Could it happen? But the vision brooked no argument: so it was seen and so it would come to pass.

{sigh} Was this what I had a vasectomy for?

Of course, it didn't take long for me to realise that the financial implications were considerable. Between appearances on the chat-show circuit, remuneration for the scientific studies that are bound to be demanded and, of course, the immense marketing potential, the new parents should make, to use a traditional financial term, a bloody fortune.

No changing nappies for me this time around, not when I can afford a full-time nanny!

I do have some concerns as I'm sure you'll appreciate. Will I be able to breast feed? Will I really need to cut back my caffeine consumption? Given that the skin of a forty-something has lost much of its bounce, how easily will I be able to regain my figure?

And, of course, how quickly can I book the caesarean? The alternative does not bear thinking about.

One thing still puzzles me: exactly how am I going to conceive this miracle child?

Ah well, I guess it could be a whole lot of fun finding out!


helga_hansen 50F
1987 posts
1/24/2006 12:07 pm

"One thing still puzzles me: exactly how am I going to conceive this miracle child?"... if I have anything to do with it, it will be old-fashioned way!! Nothing immaculate about me!!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
1/24/2006 3:50 pm


Psst ... can I help with the ummm conception? *ahem* well you may need a little assistence before or afterward ...

Okay, okay, okay, well if you need me just know that I am only a blog away!!!



Babel__Fish 46F

1/25/2006 1:18 am

But what about the wedding?

GB_Cple 67M/56F  
3117 posts
1/25/2006 9:29 am

Anxious dads should prepare for caesarean
LONDON (Reuters) - The reactions of fathers at a caesarean birth can affect the levels of fear, anxiety and pain their wives or partners experience, researchers said on Wednesday.

If men are more aware of what to expect before the operation, it could improve the experience for both the mother and father, they believe.

"Birth partners can have potentially beneficial effects on maternal birth experiences," said Dr Ed Keogh of the University of Bath.

"Rather than removing them from the operating theatre altogether, it would be better to target the emotional wellbeing of the birth partner to help reduce the anxiety and fear experienced by the mother," he added.

About one in four babies in Britain is delivered by caesarean section, which is considered the easier option to a normal delivery. Fear of pain during birth is one of the reasons for the rising rate of caesareans, according to Keogh.

In a study of 61 women and their birth partners, most of whom were their husbands, Keogh and his team found that mothers who had negative birth expectations experienced the most fear during the surgery and greater pain afterwards.

"Maternal fear fluctuates during a caesarean section but it can be influenced by the psychosocial factors around them, including their birth partner," said Keogh, who reported the research in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

He added that preparing fathers in antenatal class for a caesarean and again before the surgery could reduce their anxiety and fear and make it less stressful for the mother.

FeistySyn 53F

1/25/2006 7:47 pm

Uhmm well based on the pics, I find you much sexier *not* preggers... if that counts for anything???

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

UnpinAfireFaust 58M

1/26/2006 4:17 am

*charges the camera batteries, checks and rechecks the lenses, makes sure he has plenty of CompactFlash cards*

Something tells me TQG, that pictures of this event (from conception to birth) are going to be worth a bundle!! I have a feeling you'll be able to afford several nannies as well as a couple of vacation homes (Austria and the South Pacific maybe? ) for the insistant and exuberant helga_hansen and yourself.

And to ask [blog Babel_Fish] question again...when is the wedding? If you wait to long, you'll be showing. Not sure how that will look in the photos. Then again......

Erik_Bloodaxe 57M

1/26/2006 4:42 am

Dr Bloodaxe is NEVER wrong. The tea leaves later confirmed what was showing on his ball.

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
2386 posts
1/26/2006 10:24 am

Helga ... I think I like your approach better!

SDA ... I think we have it all sewn up for the moment! Thanks for the offer though!

Mzhunyhole ... You've got to see it??? Imagine how I feel!

Babel_Fish ... Well, Helga has promised to make an honest man of me if (when?) I conceive. I can only see one teensy problem with that ...

GBC ... That's one perspective on it ... but I have to admit that right now I don't care about the quality of the "birth experience" other than it be quick and via caesarean!

FeistySyn ... Well, I have to point out that you've not seen pictures of me pregnant yet. Who knows, it could be a revelation ... it'll certainly be different!

Cannon ... Do I detect a certain interest in being the official photographer? Well, let me know your fee and we can discuss it. As you point out, I need to rake the cash in to afford all those extras!

Erik ... Do I mention Spurs at this point?

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