Morning Coffee Rules  

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
3484 posts
1/11/2006 12:16 pm

Last Read:
8/1/2006 11:43 am

Morning Coffee Rules

... and moving on ...

I seem to have picked up a reputation in This Place as a coffee addict. Despite this, I do not require coffee as soon as I wake before I can function.

It's fortunate ... most mornings nowadays I feel far too disorganised to even make coffee until I get to work.

I did have a friend, though, who suffered terribly in the mornings until she'd consumed enough coffee - usually she'd start to behave like a normal human being somewhere around the start of Cup Three.

She instituted what she called Morning Coffee Rules which came into force as soon as she woke and lasted ... well, as long as she felt it was necessary.

I'm working from memory here (need I make the jokes about age and memory loss?) but they read something like this:

* Do not expect recognition, let alone conversation, from me until the caffeine has taken hold.

* Do not bother to talk to me until the caffeine has taken hold. You may, if you wish, say a quite hello ... but do not expect a response.

* Close proximity before the caffeine has taken hold may result in wasted coffee as the contents of my mug are poured over your lap. This will, as a side-effect, mean that Morning Coffee Rules will last longer.

* Being in the same room as me before the caffeine has taken hold may result in a mug, with or without contents, making a beautiful parabolic arc through the air before coming into contact with your head. This will not be an accident and, as I like my mugs, this will undoubtedly lengthen the duration of Morning Coffee Rules.

* If you wish to reduce the duration of Morning Coffee Rules, supply me with as much coffee as I seem able to drink. Do make sure that it is white and with two sugars. Do not expect gratitude.

* Do not put on the television. The relentless joyfullness of the presenters may cause me to throw something at the television. The breaking of my television will not enhance my perception of the day.

* Do not expect me to be a good hostess until the caffeine has taken hold. If that's what you expect as a guest, that's fine, but you'd better stay in bed until rather later.

* Do not make jokes about Morning Coffee Rules while they are still in force. Failure to abide by this rule will result in summary expulsion ... when I have the energy.

* Do remember that, even if I love you, for the duration of Morning Coffee Rules you are an evil-smelling, ugly, obnoxious goblin. I have no desire to be kissed or caressed by a goblin. Attempting to do so may result in the loss of lips, teeth or fingers.

* All Morning Coffee Rules are subject to change without notice.

This was a public service announcement by


freetime648 53F

1/11/2006 1:44 pm

Any rules on Coffee and to airports to pick up lunatic american women??????

xx FREETIME648 xx

helga_hansen 50F
1987 posts
1/11/2006 1:52 pm

Lol... these rules are relevant in my house too... Mr Hansen is NOT a morning person!! My mother has likened him to a charging rhino on his way to the kettle in the mornings!!

What a good thing I'm not like that... Ying to his Yang!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
1/11/2006 2:37 pm


*giggles gleefully at the intelligence and forsight of "Morning Coffee Rules"

I must say that my addiction to Starbucks almost seems forgivable after reading this post. At least I can refrain from violence as I order my morning Frappaccino!



brightblonde3 59F

1/11/2006 4:07 pm

echoing free's comment about picking up lunatic American women at & bright, your own Lucy & Ethel!

if you post the rules in the rental car, perhaps we'll abide by them. Then again, perhaps we won't.

Right, Louise?

Love, Thelma (BB3)

rm_muffin162 57M
763 posts
1/11/2006 4:46 pm

hey quietguy i am not gay but you still look a fit bloke good on you must be all that coffee lol.

saddletrampsk 55F

1/12/2006 7:09 am

I cannot function without java in the morning either..I loved the rules sweety..

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
1/12/2006 9:11 pm

Free ... I think "Don't" pretty much covers it! There may be something in there about earplugs too ...

Helga ... Some comment about rabbits crossed my mind but I got distracted making myself a morning coffee

SDA ... Star*ucks?? The person who invented Morning Coffee Rules is addicted to THAT PLACE to the extent that she buys their rarer merchandise on auction sites. She wears a Star*ucks watch and has decorated her kitchen, unconsciously she claims, in Star*ucks colours! Anywhere near that addicted, SDA?

BB3 ... I've never known a woman who abides by rules anyway ... not unless she makes them up anyway!

Muffin ... I'm not gay either (not so far, anyway ) but thanks!

SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
1/13/2006 4:34 pm

You know after glancing around my kitchen today I realized that my kitchen does boast a hunter green and white theme though I never realized it until you brought it up. I have Starbucks cards just in case I ever run out of cash for it but I do not wear any clothing, only sport thier mugs and cups, water bottles and lunch totes ... It is an addiction, I feel for your friend, there is no 12 step program to cure us, and even if there were; I'm not sure we would be willing to use it. Have pity...



brightblonde3 59F

1/14/2006 10:29 am

Good boy learn quickly *scratching ears*


rm_EE407 42F
3903 posts
1/15/2006 12:24 am

QQ, I can't believe you told everyone my "morning coffee rules"... damn you.. lol

Hugz E.

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
1/15/2006 9:21 am

SDA ... What is it about Star*ucks that provokes such obsessive loyalty??? Of course, I'm not going to mention the small collection of Star*ucks mugs lurking in my kitchen ...

BB ... At my age it's to be hoped I have learned

Polly ... A percolator? I haven't seen one of those for years!

EEEE ... Another one? *makes note not to be near EEEE until after she's had several cups of coffee*

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