Memory Lane  

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
3484 posts
9/30/2005 2:33 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Memory Lane

Can we ever really escape the past?

Tonight I had to go to collect my son from his Mum's. It's not the first time and it won't, I hope, be the last but today was unusual: Mum of Son is away for the weekend and because of timing I was alone there in the ol' house with Son of Quiet for well over an hour.

It was strange from the moment I stepped off the train. How many times have I walked that seven-minute walk between the station and the house when I knew - or, later, hoped - that my loving family would be waiting there for me? And as things got worse between us, how often did I trudge along that road, dreading what I was returning to?

And now ... I was walking to someone else's house, everything about the journey unchanged except for the emotions arising in me and the essence of the destination.

For this was our home, the place we bought with such hope and enthusiasm, certain that it was a move that would make Wife of Q happy and breathe new life into our marriage. Wife of Q didn't move when she became Ex-Wife of Q, but she did gradually obliterate the traces of my existence there. It's so strange now to walk into what was my home only to feel an unwelcome, unwanted intruder there.

And it's even worse when I do happen to spot something that once had significance for us: the mug I bought, the pan rack I put up, the jewellery bottle I gave to her ... that just seems to jar uneasily.

So I sit uneasily in the living room with Son of Quiet, watching the time pass, wishing I could be anywhere else.

And yet ... and yet ...

On a good day, my mind can pierce the veil of loss and see through to the good times, when the walk home was joyful and eager and I had a warm welcome awaiting me, when we were still building a loving home together. I can remember ... I can feel the happiness we once shared.

And, surely, the happy memories are what make our lives worthwhile. Our happy memories can make us smile years later. The memory of what can be is what makes us get up again when things get rough and we fall, the things that give us hope that we may one day taste that same joy once again.

Can we ever really escape the past?

Should we ever really want to?

The inscription on the plaque shown top left is "SPEAK TO THE PAST AND IT SHALL TEACH THEE".


SweetDarlinAngel 41F
2996 posts
9/30/2005 5:04 pm

Often times there is a feeling of deepest regret and sorrow left from the life that we could not hold onto. I have often felt when I return to the home My ex and I built for our sons. It is difficult to go there Christmas morning and see the house filled with all of the decorations that we bought as a family and see the boys around the tree and know that I was not a part of that, I now pack them up and take them back to my home and sit them around a new tree with new decorations and new memories. All of it is build upon love but the feelings of nostalgia are so different. I can relate to this for you, especially when the Holiday seasons draw nearer. I know that a time will come when I can look back at the times I am sharing now with my boys and feel the warm glow of nostalgia, but it takes time. There will come a day when you get off of a train and open a door to a home where you are welcomed again by your family and it feel whole. But it will take time. Waiting for that time to pass I think is the hardest part.


leo_angel43 56F

9/30/2005 5:22 pm

Thank you, very nicely put.

brightblonde3 59F

9/30/2005 9:35 pm

No, you never can escape the has a way of returning when you least expect it...if we're lucky, we'll put our past into perspective and allow it to fit into our present, not the other way around.

slightly_sexy8 39F
314 posts
9/30/2005 11:38 pm

i'm not sure, but it seems to me you were being confronted by the present rather than the past.

rm_dizzyandfun 50F
752 posts
10/1/2005 3:49 am

We re told from an early age that everything happens for a reason...does it? and if so, how come - more often than not - we never know what that reason is?

Diz xx

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
2386 posts
10/1/2005 1:15 pm

SDA, BB ... You're both right. It really is a case of being able to remember the good without wallowing in the bad. I don't generally do the latter but sometimes it still seems as if my nose is being rubbed in what has been lost. I would never deny the benefits that the divorce have brought both of us - I am happier and more comfortable in my own skin now, on the whole, than I have ever been - yet it is normal to mourn that which is lost.

Slightly_Sexy ... Not the present so much as the contrast between present and past; and it's not that the present is bad - as I said above - but that sometimes I am brought face to face with things (the walk, the house) which ties past and present and yet makes the contrast seem stark.

Dizzy ... Certainly that's one of the areas of philosophy that I have struggled with. I don't believe in predestination - seems to me that if I did, life would become pretty futile - so how can there be a reason? The best I've managed so far is that we can give things their reason retrospectively: we can learn from anything that happens and grow. If we can believe that, then we can look back and say "ah ... that was what I needed to learn ... so that was why it happened". One day maybe I'll get my head around it properly; at that point I release my popular-guru book

AlbertPrince 59M

10/2/2005 5:05 am

TQ - I don't know about you, but I'm happier now than I was "then" and for that reason, I am happy to forget the memories of those times.

AlbertPrince 59M

10/2/2005 5:05 am

Did that make any sense?

rm_EE407 42F
3903 posts
10/2/2005 11:55 am

Don't forget.... Don't escape, Don't hide...

Just learn and SWEAR to never do that again...

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
10/3/2005 1:44 am

beautiful trip down memory lane...

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
2386 posts
10/4/2005 8:51 am

Al ... It did ... I'm happier now too but I'd still like to be able to enjoy the memories of the happy times I once had. Our pasts are what make us who we are ... I wouldn't be me if I hadn't learned so much from the good and bad times. I think the secret is not to let the bad memories drag you down.

EE ... That is not a bad philosophy!

Goddess ... Thanks ... glad you liked it

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