Good Pain / Bad Pain  

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
3484 posts
9/13/2005 8:45 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Good Pain / Bad Pain

Back in the Seventies, dear reader, a most remarkable trial caught my eye. The Greater Manchester Police had come across videos showing middle-aged men involved in acts of sado-masochism - branding and nailing a guy's scrotum to a piece of wood were mentioned.

16 men were charged, the sadists with assault, the masochists with abetting an assault - on themselves! The fact that all of this was consensual - a "crime" without a victim - was deemed irrelevant and all 16 were found guilty.

Two thoughts ran through my mind at that time: (1) that it made a mockery of English law; and (2) how on Earth anyone could get pleasure from a nail being driven through their scrotum???

Oh, I knew about S&M. I know even more now, being reasonably well-read (honest!). Even so, I have no intention of trying out that particular diversion for myself.

And I don't think I'm alone in my reticence. Ask people if they want to be hurt during sex and most will say no. Reword the question somewhat though and most, it seems to me, are less definite: one typical comment I heard not too long ago was "I like good pain not bad pain" - a very human statement but one that raises as many questions as it answers!

Is it good pain to feel someone's fingernails running down your back during a moment of passion? What if they are running down hard enough to draw blood? Well, I've had situations where even a gentle scratching has been an irritation, a distraction ... and there was also one memorable time when I ended up with bloody lines down my back and it was wonderful!

Sometimes pull my nipple ring forcefully and I'll yelp with displeasure; at other times, I'll make a wholly different kind of noise

I've come to the tentative conclusion that our perceptions of pain vary immensely depending on the circumstances, on our emotions, on our arousal level. I've read theories that once our nerves are stimulated to a certain point (by "good" stimulation), any further, gradual increase in stimulation can add to the pleasure. Pain and pleasure are that closely linked.

And the graduations of sensation can be quite subtle too. A wee while ago I wrote in this blog about PES electical-stimulation toys (What a shocker) and there are remarks that "improper use" can cause pain and also that jumping to higher voltages too quickly or using settings that produce a pulsing current can be painful. These kits can be - and are - used in sadistic games. Yet they also seem capable of producing a certain amount of pleasure

So how can I say categorically that, in the right circumstances, I might not enjoy, say, candle wax being dripped onto me? I know I've failed to enjoy a wax-splash that happened accidentally once (it took all the hair off the back of my hand too!) but, first of all, I was hardly in a state of arousal at the time and, second, I read that different candles burn at different temperatures. Maybe, just maybe, one type might burn at a low enough temperature to give an intense heat that just stops short of being "bad pain".

Again we come back to the same question: at what point does something become too painful? And given the subjective nature of pain, how can we ever know what would and would not be pleasurable without trying in an environment that is appropriate to us?

I'm not running out of here to explore the wilder life of the BDSM fan. I don't feel the urge to change my profile on this site to state that I'm looking for people to drip hot wax onto my body. I certainly still intend to avoid anyone who even looks vaguely as if they might want to take a hammer and nail to my private parts!

It's more that as I've got older (if not necessarily wiser) I've stopped seeing things as quite so black and white. There remain things that I cannot see myself ever doing ... but there's a whole range of things where I find it harder to say "this cannot possibly be pleasurable". I may never experiment further into this range and I may have an intellectual, theoretical suspicion of where the line lies between pleasurable and painful ... but that doesn't change the fact that, when it comes down to the physical reality, I just don't know

How about you, dear reader? Are you certain where your do-not-cross line lies? Are you convinced it's inviolable under any and all circumstances? No matter what?

Or do you see that grey no-mans-land too? Are you, too, aware of "maybe"?


rm_DOMdevCple 67M/56F

9/13/2005 9:55 am

well we love a really good spanking as forplay, and even sometimes the riding crop.

Differant strokes for differant folks

helga_hansen 50F  
1987 posts
9/13/2005 10:10 am

I read a T-shirt recently that said It only seems kinky the first time" I've a feeling pain falls into this "kinky" thing


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
9/13/2005 10:42 am

a brilliantly written and thoughtful piece on the subject. i always state up front that i'm not into violence or being tied up, but ... hmmm, i know with the right person (i.e. one i trust) ... well, with the right kind of person, there are many things i could imagine doing --- tho i've noticed that different people can push me to different kinds of extremes in a way that is pleasurable...

[blog freelove999]

AlbertPrince 59M

9/13/2005 11:51 am

Take up my suggestion on your next post Attractive Her and you might just find out what it's like to have your scrotum nailed to a plank of wood?

brightblonde3 59F

9/13/2005 1:11 pm

Not having a scrotum, I can only imagine what it feels like to have it nailed to ANYTHING...and I shudder with empathy.

Playful, teasing, tenderly administered pleasure/pain...? Fine. One of my fave toys is combo tickler/slapper...for the good boy/bad boy. But it's applied gently and lovingly and only to select gentlemen of discrimination and taste.

S&M escapes me. At heart I'm a big baby who'd rather be cuddled.


PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
9/14/2005 7:12 am

Mmmm... borderlines. *goes looking for her riding crop and boots*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

TheQuietGuy2005 56M
2386 posts
9/17/2005 3:39 am

Al ... Let me stress this one more time: I have absolutely no desire to find out what it feels like to have anything nailed to a piece of wood, let alone my scrotum. No matter what Helga says, sometimes once is too much to contemplate!

Princess ... I didn't know you had horses!

BB ... I am, of course, a gentleman of discrimination and taste! The point I was making, though, was that for most of us S&M is something beyond what we do ... strictly speaking though, even a light spanking or whatever could appear like S&M to the more ... um, shall we say, reserved.

Freelove ... I agree. Trusting someone makes all the difference. There's the thing of giving up control but even that is only play as when you're with someone you trust you can always call a halt to things, quite apart from knowing that the other person will be trying to please you not harm you.

DomdevCple ... "Differant strokes for differant folks" ... what, you mean you use the riding crop, but someone else might use a whip and someone else a thong?

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