Being Honest ...  

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
3484 posts
12/5/2005 10:51 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Being Honest ...

Honesty seems to be one of those hot topics of late, one of those subjects that pops up in a number of blogs around about the same time.

For the most part, the postings have been about the way that people in This Place lie about themselves or their feelings or their intentions. In some cases, the emphasis is more on those who spread lies about others, whether with the express intention of hurting them or just out of an apparent desire for self-aggrandisement with the side-effect of hurting others.

One of these blogs, though, developed into a discussion of whether we can even be honest with ourselves and one person - well known, I suspect, to most of us - said, "I lie to myself to make myself believe that tomorrow will be another day, one not as dark as the ones that I live today are".

The context of this is that it's a bad thing.

I beg to differ.

First off, there are far worse lies to tell ourselves. How about "I am not worthy", "I have no value" or the ever-popular "I do not deserve"? Or maybe we should consider "I'm bound to fail", "How could he/she like me if he/she knew" or "I'm bound to get hurt if".

Which of us has never limited ourselves, maybe with the thought that we're protecting ourselves, with one or other of these? Repeat them often enough and we don't even need to consciously say them; they become buried in our subconscious minds and influence us without our even being fully aware of them. They become our deepest truths and even when we say we know ourselves, what we know can be coloured by these beliefs.

But, nonetheless, they are lies. No matter what anyone tells us, no matter what anyone does to us, each and every one of us is a unique and valuable person who can bring something special to the world. Each and every one of us deserves respect, not least from ourselves.

But even the particular example given, that tomorrow will be better, can be seen as positive thinking, self-hypnosis or visualisation. There is immense evidence that approaching this kind of statement with the right degree of determination or belief or hope can become self-fulfilling.

It may let us walk through the world with our eyes open and our heads up and see opportunities for enjoyment that we miss when looking at the ground, hunched in on ourselves through fear or doubt or poor self-image.

One teacher that I greatly respect talks of a daily mantra to be repeated last thing at night and first thing in the morning with as much belief as can be mustered: "The next day will be full of opportunities for joy and minor miracles - because I deserve it".

A lie? Perhaps only if we think it is. After all, maybe if we let ourselves we can reclaim those simple joys: the pleasure we can take in a crisp, Winter day, in birdsong, the scent of a flower, the smile of a stranger ...

And before anyone takes umbrage at what they may see as a lecture, let me point out that I'm writing it as much to remind me as anything else.

I have my own deeply-buried lies to deal with. And I don't always do it too well.


helga_hansen 50F
1987 posts
12/5/2005 11:17 am

*Sigh*... now I'm being caught out by you... why can't I carry on telling myself the things I tell myself?

But, Oh Wise One... I know you're right... just hard to change the habits of a lifetime, eh?


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

freetime648 53F

12/5/2005 12:15 pm

Maybe I should also remove the sheets from the mirror so to speak and take a good look into it.....hopefully I will see something myself!

xx FREETIME648 xx

brightblonde3 59F

12/5/2005 12:30 pm

Can't take umbrage at the truth, dear Q...there are days I find it difficult to drag myself out of bed..."why bother?" I'll say to myself...then a cat yowls, the phone rings, an IM tinker bell sounds, a knock comes at the door...

today, magically, a copy of The Irreverent Guide to London and its little friend, The Irreverent Guide to Amsterdam, called for me to wake up...why, they even made coffee and found my fave Classical station on the 'Net for me.

Now if they'd just cleaned the catbox....


JJKittyKat 60F

12/5/2005 2:11 pm

I found this very insightful, Our views are so often coloured by past experiences and we try to prevent future hurt by not allowing ourselves to ever be that vulnerable again, but in doing that we deny ourselves so much. So thankyou for this little reminder to wake up and smell the roses.

UnpinAfireFaust 58M

12/5/2005 9:14 pm

Interesting as always TQG....especially since I'm dealing with a lot of what you mention myself. What's making it easy for me at least is that my best friend and muse is more than willing to help with the self examination.

GB_Cple 67M/56F  
3113 posts
12/5/2005 11:38 pm

interesting post ,
I would say that such daily mantras are "Positive Statements of Fact"
meaning if you believe them they will become fact.

That, I believe is also what a lot of us do here on our friendly site,
profiles are sometimes statements about what the member and writer would like to be.

I really like your last comments, a few years ago I used to organise conferances, and seminars, and sometimes took part as a speaker too,
and sometimes I would be congratulated on my little talk, and people would ask questions about positive thinking , and I would say, "I really dont have the answers, and I am glad you enjoyed my contribution , but I always give that talk to me, for myself, because I need it just as much as you might".

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
12/6/2005 6:49 am

when you live in greece its safer to walk looking down other wise there might not be a tomorrow(pavememt s are rubbish )

I'm usually too honest with people and my self,i wish i could lie more,o well back to statring in the mirror

papy is gorgous
papy is sexy
papy's new hair cut is a frigging nightmare,
papy does not need a good sex life
papy is a silly bich a times

Nice thoughtful post

I'm a

i'm here to stay

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
12/6/2005 2:03 pm

And there I was worried that it was too long.

I'm glad it made a little sense for some of you ... now can you please explain it to me?

Fox4aKnight1 44F

12/8/2005 2:54 pm

LOL Quiet I am chiming in witht the rest on thanking you for that pos. I am trying to keep positive myself. Its sometimes quite a difficult thing to do. But I find it easier if I do not dwell on bad things.


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