Attractive? Her?  

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
3484 posts
9/13/2005 10:31 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Attractive? Her?

Something dangerous happened to me today: I had an Idea.

As you're probably aware, dear reader, I flick through the blogs here. I also read the online magazine sometimes and very occasionally insinuate my quiet, unassuming presence into the chatrooms.

And guess what? I've gradually come to notice something, something that troubles many of the women on this site but that they are so reluctant to talk about:

Most of the unsolicited messages that guys send them aren't worth opening.

No, really guys, it's true. Look hard enough and you'll see a whole raft of quiet comments about messages that are badly-written, crude, nasty, tacky, illiterate, disgusting, disturbing or simply seeming to come from a different planet than most of us inhabit.

But the most consistent complaint is summed up in one simple question: "Why can't they read my {insert expletive of choice}profile?"

Men don't get beyond the pictures. Men don't bother to find out what women want. Men don't tailor messages to suit the individual they're writing to, making an effort to seem even vaguely interesting, but seem to use a scattergun approach, mailing what seems like a standard message to any woman who comes within range of their radar.

Now, I'm sure none of the guys reading this would behave like that and it occurs to me, therefore, that we don't have a clue what women on this site really have to tolerate. And perhaps we should. And this is where the idea came in.

What if - purely for arguments sake - I were to create the dullest possible female profile, without a photo, and leave it online for a week. I could collate the responses and report back here, no names of course, for the education of all.

Of course, it might be a minor breach of the rules but, hey, this is scientific research, right?

Interesting idea? Or should I just take a couple of tablets and go to bed?


rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
9/13/2005 11:29 am

do it, tho i think it will be more an eyeopener for you than for me...

[blog freelove999]

leyndokona2 50F

9/13/2005 11:37 am

I found a very simple solutiton to that problem, I just deleted my profile pic and since then I hardly ever get emails on here.

AlbertPrince 59M

9/13/2005 11:46 am

I think you should do it.
I also think you should take the experiment a stage further.
Follow up some of the messages, meet a few of the guys and then give us your feedback!

XesSex03 51M/50F

9/13/2005 11:54 am

You'll find some lovely responses on your new profile. Things such as "I'd luv to churn you with my plow"! or "Have truck, will fuck"!
Do guys really think that women go for this??

brightblonde3 59F

9/13/2005 12:50 pm

Perhaps some of the men here believe that if a woman is open about her sexuality, that means she is not a lady worthy of being treated with respect?

Au contraire, mon frere.

By the way, I have a dull profile, no picture and still get weird...along with some..but very few...acceptable responses.

Sigh just sigh.


SoljerBlu 40M

9/13/2005 12:53 pm

Damn, after reading this, I have to go change my profile.. I'm obviously a woman! ooh, that gives me an idea. Since I'm a woman and you're a man... then, "I will suck your huge cock all the way down my deep throat and then wrap my sopping wet pussy over your whole face!" ... do I get the part?

hexonyxx 46M

9/13/2005 1:53 pm

Good idea. Sadly, I think a number of us may have already done something like this, myself included. Only, you thought of reporting on it, whereas I simply reached for the "DELETE" button in disgust. Kudos. I'd be interested in the "scientific" approach.

expatbrit49 63M

9/13/2005 1:54 pm

LOL now thats someone with time on their hands

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

digdug41 50M

9/13/2005 8:17 pm

just because this is a sex site I still write when I do e-mail a female the utmost respect because I want then to respond so its the only way to get a response for me anyway

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
9/13/2005 9:57 pm

Sounds like I just may be getting a little support for this idea. As Hexonyxx says, it may be something a number of guys have tried in the past but no one normally reports back the findings. Maybe, as Expatbrit says, I just have too much time on my hands ... or maybe I'm just weird!

BB, DigDug41, XesSex03 ... I couldn't agree more. For myself, I would find it very difficult not to show respect - that's just the way I am anyway - but simply on practical grounds it does seem to me it's the only way to go. Mind you, I have to admit, I think sometimes I am, perhaps, a little too nice!

Al ... an interesting idea ... but, no. No. No. NO!

Woodstockhippy ... I shall be watching out for your emails, sir!

But Leyn does make an interesting point. Perhaps I do need to put a photo on to get a high enough volume of responses to make the data significant. What do you think?

Any more suggestions?

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
9/13/2005 10:55 pm

Do it. It's always educational when someone does that. No matter how bland the profile sounds, it's going to be fresh meat to the vultures. I would say, pick one or two of the better ones and see how long you can lead them on in email, but that would be wrong.

helga_hansen 50F
1987 posts
9/13/2005 11:45 pm

Morning Q... just thought I'd say what a good idea... coming from the 8th Most Popular Male blogger on this site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well done, and I look forward to reading the results from this experiment. I have to say, though, that I don't think you'll get many responses without a pic. That's just my opinion.


PS. Al's idea of the dating sounds good... he could join you and make it a MM+"F" threesome

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
9/14/2005 4:37 am

MissAnnThrope ... How can I possibly not do it now? And I can just sense how much you'd love me to lead on a couple of the vultures were it not so dreadfully, terribly wrong! AlbertPrince, though, has provided the most compelling reason not to take it beyond my initial idea, though, involving as it does a hammer, a nail, a piece of wood and my genitals!

Helga ... And once again thanks! I'm beginning to think that a photo will be necessary (unless I do comparison testing of with and without photos?). You want to provide a suitable photograph for the purpose? Any source you like - and if you want me to look through a batch to choose the best, I'm always happy to oblige!

But I think I'll still avoid the idea of dating my respondents if you don't mind, much as I like Al ... I'd have a lot more to lose than my membership!

IdealSmile 41M

9/14/2005 5:22 am

Do you think your rise to the popular bloggers list has anything to do with the apperance of your new picture.Timing indicates so.Well 4/10 brits in the top male list aint bad....go british bloggers!

Erik_Bloodaxe 57M

9/14/2005 5:29 am

Interesting post. I hope you are not suggesting ALL women in AdultFriendFinder are sensitive, articulate types?

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
9/14/2005 6:09 am

Ideal ...I prefer to think that it's due to my skill with words ... and my relentless touring of the blogs of others! We may well find out soon as I'm considering replacing said picture!

Erik ... I would never suggest such a thing, Erik; after all, I haven't spoken with ALL the women in AdultFriendFinder!

brightblonde3 59F

9/14/2005 8:09 am

You can't underestimate skill with words. I've received tons of emails from members AKA The Good, The Bad and The Whacko but have only solicited (er, maybe bad choice of word there...)...approached one member on directly. Why? Primarily because of his skill with words and his humor.

Yesh, yesh, the pic was nice too.


slightly_sexy8 39F
314 posts
9/14/2005 8:24 am

i thought about this too when i first joined here but at the end of the day, what you or i get as an email which may seem boring, disgusting and crude might just be the exact thing the next person is looking for. the same might be true for a profile. what you put up as boring might be just the type of women someone wants.

i think its fair enough in a chatroom room here if a person has to ask quesions which don't seem to match up to what we have on our profile because they can't access the profiles if they aren't a member. so fair enough, and we should be more understanding of that. emails are a bit different and while i think they should all do this and that... well, who's to say what will work and why should we really try and change people? they are what they are.

i say vive le difference.

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
9/14/2005 10:56 am

Slightly_Sexy ... As always you make some good points

For one thing, I had already begun to think that a "boring" profile might not prove anything, just as I've come to realise that a photograph might help produce results. It becomes a matter of trying to design a profile that you'd think wouldn't attract "vultures" and a photograph to match. Hmmm ... tricky.

And, as a male standard member with limited profile access, I appreciate what you say about chatrooms - though as I know that you know only too well, there are different ways of approaching a question even there, some generally more welcome than others!

As for emails, well that's part of the fascination for me. Does the scattergun approach ever work? For one thing, as I said some time ago in this very place, I simply don't have the nerve/ability to try it myself to find out! Who knows what I could be missing?

And I certainly don't believe we can ever change other people (how many marriages, I wonder, have run aground because of the belief that we can?).

But I'm curious. Unless guys carry out this kind of experiment - and as you'll have seen above, some do - we never really understand what women deal with on this kind of site. That is what started this train of thought; nothing more nor less.

GB_Cple 67M/56F  
3113 posts
9/14/2005 10:59 am

A good idea ,
many moons ago , I used to, with others host a chatroom on msn. Every now and again we all would go into the room with a "new" female profile.

The results shocked me , and I am normaly unshockable,
even the comments from regular males chatters , whom I thought were nice guys , changed my opinion of them , and worse , the younger the age on the profile (was an 18+ room) the worse the comments and whispers were.

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
9/14/2005 11:31 am

GBC ... I am so tempted to go ahead with this. As I said, my report back would have to be on a strictly no-names basis ... but I must admit I'm wondering whether I'll find out anything about people that I'd rather not discover!

sweetthang2877 41F
534 posts
9/15/2005 9:55 pm

Quiet, I have two SN' on AdultFriendFinder and a different one on Passion. They both began with no pic. Then, I added a pic to the AdultFriendFinder profile, and recently to the passion profile. The AdultFriendFinder profile, while it has been on there a shorter time period recieved twice as many views in half the time...because I put a pic of my t-shirt up. No naked body parts...just my t-shirt! Perhaps the mystery has intrigued them??

Mostly I will get the same message from the same guy on both profiles, and I usually just delete those...generic, "quick-send" type e-mails are just to impersonal!

I say go for it Quiet!! If ya need an interesting pic...just say so! I'm sure any one of us gals would be willing to send you one that is "anonymous" yet enticing!!

Good Luck!!!

Become a member to create a blog