My craziness!!!!  

TexasMar 44F
563 posts
1/8/2006 12:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My craziness!!!!

I have been meaning to write about my New Years but I have been in a funk. I haven’t been feeling well and time just got away from me. Things in my life have been a little crazy as well.

I have been fighting with my ex-husband, which is nothing new I admit, but now I am fighting with him over a major decision that, of course, involves the kids. A decision I am trying to make and it is just getting really nasty. I need to make the decision to move out of town or stay here. It is a long and complicated story. There are pros and cons to all of it but it has me really stressed.

There is the other issue of my best friend of 14 years. She just moved up here and is now not speaking to me. I feel that she was taking advantage of me. She feels that I was not helping her enough. We are now in the same town after ten years and are not speaking to each other. Aint that a pisser? I could just give in and say I am sorry, but I don’t want her using me again. I think I will let that one sit for awhile so I don’t say something I will regret.

So anyway, I have been complaining though out this whole blog, but you have to get it out somehow right? Any advice feel free to share.

9Simon9 67M
292 posts
1/9/2006 6:19 am

Maybe you and your friend can sit down in front of an impartial mediator in order to discuss and possibly iron out your differences.

Are your children old enough to know where they want to live? Is there a children's advocate (CA)involved in your situation? A CA can help ameliorate the ugliness between you and the ex, while at the same time giving you and the ex a fresh view from the kids' side.

Good luck.

slowhand4yourfun 66M

1/9/2006 9:36 am

Sorry your having trouble. Fine way to start the new year. Think Simon has the right idea. Although, seems friends of 14 years should be able to iron things out, or at least try b-4 entering a 3rd party. And, a word of wisdom if I may: as tempting as it may seem, don't use your kids as a tool or wedge to get things your way. If your ex is doing that, remind him that will only make the relationship worse between all of you. And time will not necessarely cure that kind of wound.

Good luck from Slowhand.

need2havfun76 41M

1/9/2006 5:42 pm

hmmm...well, I don't know your situation with your kids, nor do I know your ex, so as a friend I can tell you...screw it, they're your kids, you decide what's better for them and you. Ok, now if I did know you situation better or your ex, maybe I'd have different advice, but....there you go. lol (alright that didnt help much, I'm sorry, maybe my next advice will)
As far as your friend of 14 years that may be using you...I would suggest helping her to help herself, it will be the only lasting help you can offer. Be sincere in you offers, but let her know that you have a life and kids to be responsible for as well. There is also always the compromise, maybe your friend can help you in some way (obviously something for you to figure out, don't let her decide) to compensate any help you offer her.
Try to remember, if she says to you, "I need *fill in the blank*." You can say, "No I can't help with that right now, but I can and am certainly willing to *fill in the blank*."

It lets your friend know, that you aren't a push over, but you are still the friend that's willing to help.
Your friend still has her own life and must be responsible for it.
Help her, but don't let her make you feel guilty for not helping her the way she wants you to, you have your own life to be rsponsible for as well.

TexasMar 44F

1/9/2006 7:29 pm


My frined and I will work it out eventually. Her and I have fought before and will fight again. The third pary person is a good idea though. Maybe that third party will show us both things we are not seeing.

As for my ex-husband. I have contacted a lawyer for mediation. My ex and I can not have a civil conversation. My kids are pretty much to that age of knowing where they want to live but do not know the whole situation behind all the fighting between dad and mom.

I divorced my ex in 2002, and he still thinks he can run my household and tell me what I can and cant do, and where and when I can and cant go somewhere. He has re-married, so he can tell his new wife what to do not me.

It is really a big mess. I will need all the luck I can get. This is his town and his turf.

TexasMar 44F

1/9/2006 7:39 pm


Thank you for your concern. Yes, my frined and I will work things out, it will just take time. She is going through some tough times right now but she cant use me in the process. I am her friend not a doormat.

I agree on the kids not being a tool either. That is what I am trying to avoid. My whole situation is over moving out of this town to get away from my controlling ex. I left him years ago. His mother works at the school so she has a hand in what goes on at the school as well. (read above for more detail on this)

BUT that is not the only issue. My son has been bullyed from the second he entered school at threee years old and the school is taking care of the immediate problems but not the long term problems. With my ex-mother-in-law working at the school, I have no privacy there. I cant say anything to the teachers without it gettting back to her or my ex and I HATE that.

Like I said earlier this is his town and his turf. I would just like a fair playing ground with the other issues I havent even mentioned.

rm_Ptalk1155 35M
3450 posts
1/9/2006 8:29 pm

Always try to argue the other person's point of view to yourself, that is the best way to understand your adversary and the best way to discern if your side stands up to argument.

TexasMar 44F

1/10/2006 2:30 am


I always try to see both sides of an argument. I do it so much that I end up blaming myself so many times for things that I shouldnt. Or taking the blame for things I shouldnt. I end end up sounding whisy-whasy (sp) and like I cant make up my mind.

I totally see your point though. It is a total lost cause with the ex husband. This might work with my best friend but not my ex.

toothysmile 51M
16517 posts
1/10/2006 11:41 pm

close your eyes...
come with me to a faraway place...
and smile that beautiful smile of yours.

TexasMar 44F

1/11/2006 2:38 am


Eyes are closed...
Smile is posted....
Im leaving, where we going?

toothysmile 51M
16517 posts
1/11/2006 5:56 pm

oh, that 's a secret...

...isn't it better this way?...

TexasMar 44F

1/11/2006 7:17 pm

OHHHH YEA!!!! Take me, Im yours.....Surprise me!!!!

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