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beginnings....
ANYWAY
Posted:Jan 7, 2008 9:36 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2010 12:24 pm
1858 Views

People are unreasonable, illogical, & self-centered.
LOVE THEM ANYWAY.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
BE KIND ANYWAY.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends & some true enemies.
SUCCEED ANYWAY.
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow.
DO GOOD ANYWAY.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
BUILD ANYWAY.
People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
HELP THEM ANYWAY.
In the final analysis, it is between you & God. IT WAS NEVER BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY

~ANONYMOUS~
1 comment
MOVING ON
Posted:Jul 28, 2006 2:18 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2010 12:31 pm
1974 Views

OK i have been here for a year & a half I have had alot of fun made some good memories had some fun times & made some GREAT friends> It has been the experience of a life time but i am thinking its time for me to move on my REAL friends will still be here & i will be there for them but this site is a catch 22 for me i have sooo much fun with my friends the party's yet its like a thorn in my side when i am here it hurts it stings it reminds ne of how stupid i can be to think there was such a thing as love i know now there isn't so this site leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.... everyone says oh just let it go move on it will heal etc i was & i am & its not its coming back to haunt me, not do to my own fault i wanted it out of my system, closure, just sum answers i got none now i can hear the voice the laugh smell the Cologne it inevitable my past is coming back, i don't want to be there to meet it face to face i would rather be strong now & walk away than to look MY DEMON in the face & admit to him that he was right it wasn't love it was just lust & to tell him there is no such thing as love its all smoke n mirrors pixie angel fairy dust an illusion & as much as i care & want to see MY DEMON happy i would rather not see him at all i think that will make it easier for me to MAKE ME BELIEVE there is no such thing as love i know this because if there was such a thing as love it would never just stop be shut off & end leaving my heart in pieces ..so to you MY DEMON i hope that you are happy in what ever your doing whoever your with & remember together is better (in your case even if your settling for less than what you deserve ) & yes i still care i always will but it was never anything more than friends with benefits to me......just as it was to you so welcome back i know you miss the life you had & i will see you around someday I am sure just make sure that iffin i stay on here you better be prepared to hear what ever i have to say & then stay outta my way untill then i am still debating cuming or going & just moving on till the moment moves me...
0 Comments
MY BLOGS
Posted:Jul 24, 2006 5:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2007 11:59 am
1974 Views

well i been blogging off n on for awhile now, it was my way of getting things out of my system funny it didnt work & none of my friends read my blogs or dont seem to get it lol its ok i am tought to get anyway & no one ever comments on my blogs so i think its time to stop sharing my feelings n thoughts here so taking a poll what do you think should i keep posting ?? do you want to know whats going on in my head do you care?? comment on this post or any other post ya feel the need to comment on i promise i wont ripp ya a new one for expressing your opinion well unless ya act like a fucktard for it LMAO
anyway so let me know if this is good for me to vent this way do ya want to read more do ya care?? & rmemebr things will be changing soon!
1 comment
since you'llbe gone
Posted:Jun 5, 2006 1:16 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:28 pm
2119 Views
i was driving down the road
we'd traveled a time or two
it seemd so hard to read the signs
my vision was blurred thru the glass it seemed
i looked up for a rainbownthe sky & saw none
then i tried to breath & tasted no air
tears roled down my face no rain outside
i felt it comin on hard, the pain
not from an empty place in my heart
but from where your still there,

it seemed like forever the tears wouldnt stop
gasping for a breath my heart so heavy
not from you leaving but what you left behind
since you 'll be gone

i tried to drink you away work you gone
cry my tears, feel my pain & move on
but it seems like just yesterday you left
walked away without a word, not a look a tear
one day your here the next i lost my best friend
i puled off the highway to gather myself
take a breath or two dry my eyes continue on

it seemed like forever the tears wouldnt stop
gasping for a breath my heart so heavy
not from you leaving but what you left behind
since you 'll be gone
0 Comments
after 151 party
Posted:May 20, 2006 2:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2006 12:01 am
2125 Views

wow i really love these parties i go to the peole are great i have soo many new friends...but its so very hard it brings back so many memories it also makes me sad. i want to kep going but i hate the way they make me feel sometimes. I keep thinkin it will get easier & itdoesnt then when i feel like it does someone will ask me about him... i hate that because i have alot of pride i hate it when other see me cry or i show my weakness, sometimes i cant help it though a comment or a question will catch me off gaurd hit me like a football to the chest & it takes my breath away & it hurts then its so hard to remain tough & not cry . thats when i think i shoudlnt go anymore but then as a few weeks go by i feel stonger & i wanna go i miss my friends so i go but then it happens again so what am i to do? i really just want to run away & hide sumtimes because i dont know what to do everyone says time heals all wounds but it doesnt feel like a day has gone by like it was ysterday that he left xcept i miss him & everything else feels the same not like its fading or going away at all .. i wish i could take a magic pill fall off a cliff get amnesia or sumthing so i wont hurt bt for now i just keeppluggin away i am ok i am good ....maybe sumday
1 comment
just one last request....
Posted:May 8, 2006 1:18 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2010 12:26 pm
2102 Views

If i send you a self addressed envelope will you please return the pieces of my heart???
i only want the ones that let me forgive you for what u have done you can keep the piece that made you happy once, i wont be needing it anymore~ the little flakes that made us smile those i guess can stay there with u as i dont need them to make me smile anymore, the piece that hurts the most, why you can keep that too becuase i dont want the pain. so i guess whatever is left just put it in an envelope, seal it up, no need to mark it fragile because it cant break anymorethan it already is, send it on its way back to me... since your through with it for this life..
0 Comments
Not What I Wanted To Hear....Terri Clark
Posted:Apr 24, 2006 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:28 pm
2119 Views

For two weeks i ain't heard the phone ring
Just a warning bell
My friends tell me they know things
I should know as well
I can't deny it
I've been told
A voice inside
Says let you go

But that's not what i wanted to hear
Not what i wanted my heart to say to me
That you'd be long gone
Before too long
And that's not what i wanted to see
'cause nobody wants to believe they could be so wrong
But one thing is clear
It's what i needed to know
But, oh-it's not what i wanted to hear

Sometimes my intuition
Can get carried away
But right now i'd better listen
To what it has to say
'cause when i tried to
Believe you're mine
I just got silence
Every time

And that's not what i wanted to hear
Not what i wanted my heart to say to me
That you'd be long gone
Before too long
And that's not what i wanted to see
'cause nobody wants to believe they could be so wrong
But one thing is clear
It's what i needed to know
But, oh-it's not what i wanted to hear

But that's not what i wanted to hear
Not what i wanted my heart to say to me
That you'd be long gone
Before too long
And that's not what i wanted to see
'cause nobody wants to believe they could be so wrong
But one thing is clear
It's what i needed to know
But, oh-it's not what i wanted to hear

Oh-it's not what i wanted to hear
0 Comments
leaving...............
Posted:Apr 22, 2006 5:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2010 12:27 pm
2144 Views

so i had some choices to make when my old friend came back & told me he never stopped loving me, we had some great times we had fun together but our lives WE are so different, & when we split up the last time i don't remember feeling at all like i do right now so I know it wasn't enough for me to go back, we will be friends always but my heart is so torn & shredded right now from the most recent one i have lost that i have to make some new decisions.

i am contemplating leaving AdultFriendFinder i have made many friends on here & had so much fun i will still keep contact with those close to me but there are too many memories here it hurts like hell & its hard to take, I am trying to be tough suck it up & move on, but there are so many things that got left answered left empty. I try everyday not to think of him the way he looked at me, touched me held my face in his hands, & I just don't understand how that couldn't be real how anyone could walk away from that, then i feel that maybe i was just blinded & i didn't see that it wasn't rel it was all bullshit & lies & i believed it all which makes me feel like a complete idiot, so either way i am the fool, for believing in something that ended up hurting me soo bad. When others come up to me & say oh but you 2 were so great together he meant everything he ever said you could see it in his eyes he cared soo much for you" well that just hurts worse cuz i don't get how he could walk away, how he could go back to someone who made him soo miserable everyone knew that including him she controlled him & treated him like garbage & he admitted it to everyone, to that i say i just hope this time around she makes him happy because i want nothing more than for him to be happy even if i am not part of it, i don't hate him i forgive him. i still would like some answers though don't know if they will ever be found & that hurts worse, the not knowing & i don't know how to make it go away,

I try not to think about him but i took a job very close to him because we had discussed it & he wanted me to be closer now i am too close it hurts soo much to go to work everyday knowing he is only 5 mins from me, his warmth his touch, scent the closeness we once had. so now I just think its time to walk away, put on a smile for everyone hold my chin up wipe away the tears & walk find a new job, maybe move, take care of some things & never ever trust anyone again, i may have feelings but they will never be the same or this deep & i will never say i love you to another person again that word can destroy so much it was soo hard for me to say, when i finally did it was too much when he he tore my heart out & kept it
so i haven't decided when or if i am leaving but you that know me & know who HE is, please tell him I wish him well to be happy & real love i don't hate him i forgive him i know he was going thru a hard time with his mom dying & tell him i miss him & to take good care of my heart cuz he still has it but i don't want it back i gave it to him to keep & thats just what he can do love n kisses from his angel.. to everyone else i will be ok let me just smile & tell you i am ok i am good & don't prod & tell me no your not i don't want to talk about him anymore it hurts & i don't know why you cant see that or know it I know you all mean well but it hurts to talk about him just accept the answer i am ok i am good maybe i can get past this maybe i wont ever but what happened in the next few weeks or soo will be the deciding factor on if i stay or go
so i have babbled but feel better for saying the things i need to say that my friends are tired of hearing from me. so for now no more loves no more believing in lies n bullshit i just want to have fun not always sexual but just be with good fun people i need this being alone now anyway
0 Comments
What Hurts The Most
Posted:Apr 13, 2006 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:28 pm
2116 Views

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken

What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

not seein that lovin you
that’s what I was tryin to do…

Rascal Flatts
0 Comments
A voice from my past.....
Posted:Apr 12, 2006 4:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2006 10:49 pm
2088 Views

called me on the phone, i hadnt heard this voice
in quite some time. It was good to hear his voice, this old friend of mine seems like yrs since we last talked but had only been a month or 2
we talked & caught up on eachothers news then we started talking about about old times he said that he knew my heart had been broken, & i didnt deserve it to be this way, & if he could change anything for me he would he said this guy that broke your heart was he worth it, i said yes, but i dont feel like that now, he said no one deserves your love your too good for him anyway, did he lie to you did he cheat on you if he hurt you bad or hit you i will kill him i said no its not like that, i told him why my heart was broke because his was breaking to for the loss of his mother, he said how sad that this man couldnt reach out to the one person that would have helped him & stood by him the most & never turned her back on him, i said yes maybe he will see it someday maybe he wont

then he claimed he was sorry for the things in our past that he had done & never meant any of things he'd ever done or to hurt me to said he always cared for me more than i would know I was his world to him he didnt want to let go told me all the times he thought of me how he missed my humor & wit my smile most of all my friendship meant the most he says he loved the way i looked at him So many other things he said to me then there was silence i didnt know what to say but somehow i found the words , the courage to tell him all the things i ever wanted to how i felt when he left me, when he lied to me how i felt when he came to see me after i married i let it all go i figure i had nothin to lose i thought he'd hanfg up the phone & be gone all i heard was silence on the other end then he spoke, words i will never forget he told me he loved me he always did he said no matter where u are i always will that i was always more than a friend to him I couldnt believe what i just heard. all this time the years that had gone by, now he comes to me confeses all & i am speechless, cant find the words to tell him that way back then all the times we were together & we were apart he maeant the world to me, we had great memories, we were best of friends, but what could i say now? I am torn, a past that i wanted back then has come back but my heart is with another....but i dont know where that is. So i just cried i didnt know what to say i said i need some time to think it all over he said yes I know then he said just one last thing he said give me another chance i said i need time we hung up the phone i am still in a daze so much to think about now what do i do... need ime to think
0 Comments
letting go.....
Posted:Apr 10, 2006 8:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2006 8:40 pm
2083 Views

It may seem to you that i m gone
that i turned & walked away
but like the flowers need the rain
baby i need you near, & dont know how
its to be without you in it

I never needed anything more
never before till i met you
now its all i can to do
just to live & breathe a life
without you in it

It still amazes me how your words,
your touch affect me so in many ways
how my heart skips a beat when i think
i see a car like you drive, go by
without you in it

I have a t-shirt you once wore
to lay my head on at night
it just isnt the same here
without you in it

then i remember your loss
and its such much deeper
your living the rest of life
without her in it

I would trade any tears i have
just to see you smile, to see
that you go on happy livin life
living a life with you in it

i know your sad & your heart is broke
your not sure just where to go
take a step go forward live life
with you in it

Dont let the chances pass you by
dont dwell on regrets of the past
just make your everyday better than
this life your livin without you in it

hold your memories close to your heart
have your past in your mind to learn from
you cant go back & undo whats done
but make today a life worth livin
with you in it

I hope this is something that you understand
I may not be right there by your side but my
heart holds what we had close to my mind
& makes it hard to live this life
without you in it

I will always be here for you your in my heart
part of my mind, being, feeling of my soul
i opened my arms & let you go once
now i believe even more thats
why you came back to stay
in my life with you in it

so i stand here lost without you
fighting to wake & open my eyes every day,
holding my arms open for you my friend
I cant hold my breath for you but i cant breath
in my life without you in it

Even more than any of these things
i want for you a life of happiness
& pure joy, even if its a life
without me in it
0 Comments
Tell me does he know.....
Posted:Apr 8, 2006 3:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:28 pm
1927 Views

he said i found my way
to his heart soul & being
I was a true gem more brillant
than a diamond and more valuable

That we are in each others minds
thinking about the other.
he said i take his breath away
& that he's finally found someone
to share everything with......

Can someone please tell me now
why i feel so lost, my heart aches
why my soul cries for him everyday
why do i feel so empty inside my mind

Tell me why does my mind think of him
& he doesnt hear me call his name
his hands arent there to wipe away my tears
does he know i cant breathe without him
Why finally he found someone
to share everything with.....
did he walk away
0 Comments
Peace & Stillness....
Posted:Apr 8, 2006 3:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:28 pm
1900 Views

This is what you asked of me
I care enough to give you that
but you cant tell me to go on
livin my life without you in it
down the road we started on together
Theres no way in turning back now
in the choices we made, you & I

I know that you stumbled & fell
your sad & lost, so just reach out
the hand you used to hold my face in
I will be there to hold your heart

Look into my eyes, see that I am here
Feel it in your soul I'm not goin anywhere
I wont tug & pull you, but give you space
Soon you'll be back on your feet again

Maybe you'll be still be scared to be lost
Then you'l turn around & see me standing there
In my peace & stillness waitng for you
arms outstretched, & my heart wide open
walking right beside you down the path we chose

for now i give you peace & stillnes
its all that i can do not to reach out
to pull you close & try to make you believe
that we were meant to be here on this path
here for eachother holding our arms out
so we are free to be together you & I
to come & go but thats what makes us stay
& want to hold the others heart so close

so i give you time & space for you to be
& all i ask of you is hold my heart close
& your arms open & i will always be here
0 Comments

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