2005 - 2006 The Good, The Bad, and the Lesson  

Steel_Legs 60M/F
310 posts
9/2/2006 3:45 am
2005 - 2006 The Good, The Bad, and the Lesson


2005 started out with my leaving one employer, in an industry I had worked in for 15 years to take on a new challenge with a more local company. They are a medium sized, family owned company, with stable record for generating profits and investing wisely in other successful companies.

The salary , benefits, perks and bonus plan were all very good, and being a more regional company meant far less travel.

My second day on the job the owner (actually the owner's son) chewed my ass, in front of my peers. My sin? I asked a question. No, I didn't ask him if I could get a look at his wife's tits.

About 3 days later he reacted the same way when I didn't ask a question. Took me about a week to determine the man was a raging alcoholic, an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

Every day I was there, I felt just a little closer to homicide. Seriously, this guy needed a good ass whooping. He was a big guy, very aggressive and intimidating, and I wasn't sure I could get it done, but mostly I feared my temper would get the best of me, after so many years of concentrated effort to learn self control.

After several months of eating crap and biding my time while looking for a way out, I was offered an equally good position for a company in the industry I had just left. The company had big plans and I was proud and grateful they sought me out to help fulfill them.

About 2 months later, my wife of 5 years (my third) told me she wanted a "trial separation." I've never heard of a trial separation that didn't really mean divorce. She was the woman I'd been hoping for, but didn't think I could aspire to in my two previous marriages. She evidently lost respect for me and had an affair with a co-worker.

It's been over 18 months since she left and I hurt a little less everyday. She asked for an attempt at reconciliation about 6 months ago, and after a couple of weeks, she ended that as well.

To say I was divested does not come close to expressing my sense of loneliness, rejection, depression and self esteem.

My work began to suffer almost immediately. In sales, confidence is so very important, and mine had taken serious hit. My sales numbers were still 2nd in the company, (but falling fast) when the VP of sales flew down from Seattle to Sacramento a couple of weeks ago and fired me. They called it a separation too, (coincidence?), maybe.

I haven't (hadn't) been fired from a job in over 25 years. The last time I got fired because I chased the store manager I worked for around his desk, hoping to catch him so I could slap him stupider. He turned out to be quicker than I anticipated. That time I deserved to get fired. It wasn't his fault that he picked the day after my father's funeral to jump my shit about something completely out of my area of responsibility.

This time, I don't believe I deserved to get the ax, but that's probably just my pride and ego.

Last week, (the week after I was canned), I put our home on the market, (3rd wife is not yet an ex), as making the payments for even a few months without replacing my income would be difficult at best.

I really don't want to make a hurried decision regarding my next career move. I've held 4 jobs over the last 15 years, been promoted in all of them and always left for a new challenge, more $$, or because I thought the new position would inspire me. Guess what? None of them ever has pushed me, or inspired me, in the way I had hoped.

So, this time I'm going to take a couple of months to think about what I really want to do with what's left of my life. I'm leaning towards minimizing the material possessions, working some kind of 9-5, (who gives a rip) job and investing in developing the skills I need to make some sort of an income from writing. I'm 48, and if I don't take a shot at a dream now, I probably never will.

Feeling somewhat better about my new direction, I set about cleaning the garage in preparation for selling and moving, when I was bitten by a very nasty spider. I didn't even feel the bite, but in a few hours the itching was replaced by a searing pain that was intense, by biblical standards. It was a Brown Recluse, or one of the dozen or so other spiders who deliver a dose of venom that is a digestive enzyme, (the poison literally eats the flesh. The bite got so bad that up until today, I thought it was going to look like one of the myriad brown recluse spider bite pictures on the web.

Today it looks much better, and I haven't cried or even sniffled over the pain all day.

I also accepted an offer on the house, and we're already in escrow. So, things are looking up, as I begin to amble down a new road in this journey called life, repeating the mantra, "the only constant is change."

Steel

Steel_Legs 60M/F

9/4/2006 2:45 am

    Quoting Wyldtyme2nite:
    Change is always difficult whether it is brought upon or sought. I recently left my job much to my wifes dismay and changed directions. It was a bad move but after 7 years of killing myself I felt I needed a break. Now after a month I have sent out tons of resumes hoping to land a better job with less stress. But change is good. Sometimes we become conformist and complecent. Change wakes us up and provides us with new goals and motivation. Good luck with the writing. If that is your dream go for it. If you dont you will always live with a what if.
Wyldtyme2nite,
Thanks for the comments and good wishes, I really appreciate that you took the time to read this and give me your feedback.

The only thing I know about change is that, like time, there is no avoiding it. We can either accept, adapt, learn and move on or we can mire in despair. I've done both, and I found the former to be far more productive. Having said that, I realize also that there a great many people with medical, physchological, or brain chemistry problems, who do not have (or cannot see that they have) the same choice.

I guess things are going to be whatever they are going to be, and the best I can do is not forget to laugh at myself as I remember that we all end up in the dirt.

Steel


Steel_Legs 60M/F

9/4/2006 2:36 am

    Quoting MischiefSprite:
    Steel,

    I wondered where you had been hiding out and why. I knew about the job "separation." Tough row to hoe, but maybe a blessing in disguise. You are the kind of guy who always bounces back, maybe this time in a direction that takes you closer to your life's dreams.

    Best Wishes,
    Mischief
MS,
Thanks for the support. So you know about my bouncing, huh? Is that on the web too?
Steel


legsallthewayup 55F  
37 posts
9/3/2006 10:55 am

and what of your loyal, sexy woman? does she fit into this plan, anywhere? I hope your path takes you to the place that makes you smile. truly i do. you live alone and you die alone, but its a better journey if youre happy.
S.


Wyldtyme2nite 46M/47F
853 posts
9/3/2006 2:21 am

Change is always difficult whether it is brought upon or sought. I recently left my job much to my wifes dismay and changed directions. It was a bad move but after 7 years of killing myself I felt I needed a break. Now after a month I have sent out tons of resumes hoping to land a better job with less stress. But change is good. Sometimes we become conformist and complecent. Change wakes us up and provides us with new goals and motivation. Good luck with the writing. If that is your dream go for it. If you dont you will always live with a what if.


MischiefSprite 55F
334 posts
9/2/2006 7:28 pm

Steel,

I wondered where you had been hiding out and why. I knew about the job "separation." Tough row to hoe, but maybe a blessing in disguise. You are the kind of guy who always bounces back, maybe this time in a direction that takes you closer to your life's dreams.

Best Wishes,
Mischief


lovealltrucks 51M

9/2/2006 3:56 am

Challenges and changes, Looks like you have gotten to a point in life that you can handle both and have piece. I'm still working on that, came a long way, still have a long way to go. Good luck to you, on this thing called life!


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