Abuse...A Friends Perspective  

StaynHardnHot 43M
87 posts
6/20/2006 5:06 am

Last Read:
5/19/2008 11:17 am

Abuse...A Friends Perspective


I was reading the blog of a friend of a friend BlueGuy1051, when i came across a post [post 353524],that apparently i had alot to say about and give my humble opinion. I also realized that i had neglected my owm blog for sometime, not really feeling i had anything that important to contribute and not really having been here that much do to work, life, etc. Well i have determined this was worthy of my own blog as well...i hope somehow someone can relate.

"Although not nearly as painful as your story Blue, i have a best friend who married a girl who he gotten pregnant(he swore he always wore protection), against my advice, had a beautiful child, and was then accused of abusing the child he loved more than life by his "loving" wife so that she could take his child away from him along with his alimony and child support and be happily on her way. After being arrested for this infront of his co-workers, spending thousands of dollars on bail, lawyers, seperate residences, her living expences while she remained in his house he bought BEFORE he met her(she did not work) and of course inevidible therapy for all involved, she finally confessed after no proof was found in the drawn out investigation that there was ever any abuse, that she made it up... As his friend i insisted that, i was of course outraged, insisted that he immediately pressed charged, get full custody in the divorce which she had started and have her thrown in jail if not for the very least of scarring their child for life as to how parents in a relationship should act and NEVER use their children as ammunition against each other!!!
What did he do you ask.?? Well he did get a divoce. He said he couldnt press charges against the mother of his child, to which of course i argued that she didnt really qualify with MOTHER status, ended up giving them the house to live in, THEN 6months later ended up MOVING BACK IN WITH THEM, which he explained was not for any feeling for his now ex-wife but for his supreme love for his daughter. Out of respect for his feelings for his daughter, i said nothing, realizing that nothing i could say negative about his wife to try to save him from himself would change anything he was going to do anyway. I silently shook my head in disbelief, agreed to myself to be his friend and be there for the eventual fallout, and never again give my input when when he asked what he should do, but instead bang my head on a brick wall repeatedly, as it would have the same effect.
I have been lucky that the only abuse i have ever suffered in my life was the brutal divorce of my poor mother and my asshole greedy father the lawyer at the age of 6, yes i still have issues..lol...can you tell? But i have known plenty of people i have been close to both men and women who have suffered and endured abuse of all shapes, forms and atrocities, and sometimes i wish i could put myself in there shoes just once so i could understand why they make the decisions they make, but then i quickly realize, be grateful you arent, for its our perception of the sane world as it should be, not the living hell that they live in, that they look to as motivation for eventual escape and recover. My best advice for friends or loved ones of abused men or women?? Do not judge, show them your love and concern, be there for support and understanding(even if you will never understand) and live your life in a manner of happiness which will serve as an example to anyone in an abusive situation so that they can someday motivate themselves to break out of their perpetual nightmare THEMSLVES, as it is truly a decision only THEY will make when they are ready and willing to. Blue, thanks for sharing your story about abuse, good luck in your future happiness, try not to let your past demons keep you from people in your future who will love you without exception and enrich your lives more than you ever think you deserved, for doing so is the true crime of abuse...."

Good luck to all you and your lovd ones who havew been affected in anyway by abuse.

Chris

MaggiesWishes 61F

6/20/2006 4:14 pm

Very well said.

There is no excuse for abuse in any form or context. AND this example goes to show that both genders have the tendency to be nasty. The end result, if children are involved, they are the victims who suffer the most.

warm huggies 2ya sweetie


blueguy1051 61M

7/6/2006 7:44 am

Hi Chris. Your friend is in for a long, hard ride. She won't change. Thanks for the vote of confidence.


StaynHardnHot 43M
305 posts
7/6/2006 3:28 pm

Thanks both of you for letting me hear the tree fall in the forest...so to speak..lol...soldier on Blue...try not to let the past keep you from a very happy future


meresu 57F

7/9/2006 4:14 am

well said! Abuse is the most cowardly act and it often gets excused for so many reasons!


sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
9/6/2006 11:29 am

this is a wonderful post...Abuse comes in many disguises....this should make someone think...I like how positive you are in not allowing abuse to conqure....

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


cassyleblanc 44F
3856 posts
8/17/2007 8:14 am

My Best friends fathered a child with his common law girlfriend.
She went off to Europe to model while he raised the infant for 3 years.

She came back.....
with someone else on her arm....
took custody of the child and said he wasn't the father.
She had never named him on the BC and the blood test reveled he was not the biological dad.

10 years latter he still misses hi son like mad....
and has no visitation rights.




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