How do you divorce your best friend?  

SolaEQ
156 posts
4/11/2006 6:43 pm

Last Read:
4/15/2006 5:38 am

How do you divorce your best friend?

So, as I mentioned, about a month ago, I finally made the decision to tell the ex to file papers. Problem is, he's on a submarine, and hard to catch at home.

Well, he caught me today.

I was much more calm telling him than I was when I wrote it out a month ago. That was good. It was a good conversation more or less.

He didn't understand why I was still sad, after all this time. I explained:

I'm sad because I'm divorcing my best friend.

And then I thought about it and the truth of the matter is:

I'm divorcing the angry, selfish man I married. My best friend is still right there, and will be even after the papers are filed.

And then I cried.


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
4/12/2006 12:06 am

When I divorcedI was ok as long as I did not see him or hear from him much that first yr. But we did have a child and when he didn't show for her I was mad as hell. But as time went on the hurts didn't seem to matter anymore and he became just the father of my child. Now that we have grandchildren we are friends which has been great for everyone. Before that we only saw each other on holidays. That was ok too. I even like his girlfriend.

Are you sure you want a divorce and that he has not changed? It seems some of or a lot of the guys that are in the service can be control freaks to a point. Which comes first, the horse or the cart? Do they go into it because of the way they are or is it the other way around.

You will still have a friend connection as long as you need it. But it may hurt to much at first. Also when you see him with someone else you may just not want to see him. Will that bother you? It can slow the process down. We get this idea of what we would like them to be and they are not but sometimes we don't like seeing them with someone else either. They still seem like our husbands for awhile and I think it takes time to realize they are not! Even when it is our own decison.

Sola I will be praying for you. You will make your way and crying cleanses the soul of some of the toxic feelings. Cry as much as you need to and then take a break and go smell the roses!
Hang in their
Becca


SolaEQ replies on 4/12/2006 7:06 pm:
No, no. It's over. 19 months of separation has shown us that while we are great lovers, and great friends, we can't seem to manage to live together without making each other incredibly lazy.

This is best for us both.

We have already agreed - we do not talk about anyone new in our lives to each other unless it gets VERY serious. As far as seeing him with someone else - well, not much chance of that from 1200 miles away

gentelmanjim53 65M

4/12/2006 2:46 am

Hun, Cry when the feeling comes over you and know that it is the right thing to do at the time. I have a special realtionship with my ex and hope it continues, there is no bitterness, just sadness that we could not find the answers together and the love is still there. We truely were best friends and will always be that to each other and the good part of our life together will be in my heart forever.
The life that is ahead is filled with new friends yet to meet who wish to be in our lives to support us and encourage us and see us grow to be who we wish to be. Hold the very best that was, leave behind the hurt, look to the future as a horizon of hope and new beginings and if you need a shoulder to cry on you know where to find me.


SolaEQ replies on 4/12/2006 7:07 pm:
*nodnod*

Thank you darlin. Your words are always a comfort.

rm_sallyride 69F

4/12/2006 6:55 am

Sola, it is never easy to end a relationship because in spite of the pain it may have caused, we do tend to remember the good times more. Maybe having him as a friend will work better than having him as a husband. That way you get to still keep the best part.


SolaEQ replies on 4/12/2006 7:08 pm:
Yup, Sally. And it really is the best part of that.

Well, the sex was always good too /wink.

Ginnung 38M

4/12/2006 11:43 am

I can't think of anything to say that will help you, but I offer lots of universal support. Of course, it's hard to put that into words, so instead...

*Hug*


SolaEQ replies on 4/12/2006 7:10 pm:
Thank you for the hug! Always appreciated!

singleagain53578 48F

4/13/2006 7:59 pm

Oh Sola, I am sorry g/f. It's hard when it finally comes to closure. At least you 2 will still be best friends. Sometimes friends is all we really need in life!

~SINgle~


vrec_dawn 41M

4/14/2006 4:19 pm

Damn. That sounds familiar. Though sometimes I think of myself as my own worst enemy as much as my friend. But then, so was my ex now that I've managed to step back and reflect. So meh.

But at least you're stepping back and seeing the truth too. It's always amazing how many things we don't see while we're caught up in the thick of things.

And you'll always have you.

And friends like me. And everyone else here who loves you.


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