Monday, once a gain, new beginning!  

SmoothOneAllMan 70M
134 posts
11/7/2005 3:21 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Monday, once a gain, new beginning!

Monday, November 7, 2005 6:17am here in the east and this is the first in what I hope will be a series of posts that contain substantive questions about the process men and women go through when ending a relationship. In my case, it is the end of a 14 year marriage, but I suspect the same thing is true for people who go through a break-up of a long term relationship, married or not. So, the idea here is to explore the subject, and see if any sense can be made of the emotions and reality of the whole thing. My purpose in doing this is twofold. One is part is the therapeutic value to me and the other is to try and understand something about the human psyche that is at the root of all good and bad relationships. All people need things from others, and filling that need is often at the root of the start of a relationship. That being said, then let’s start there and see what causes the needs to no longer be met. In my case, it is fairly plain to me that my needs were not being met and my wife felt the same way but for different reasons. This was not about sex, or the lack thereof, not about betrayal, not about abuse, and not about most of the things that could cause a situation like this to exist. The sad truth of it is that we just parted in a philosophical way and never went back. We disagreed about the most basic of things and that set in motion a series of events that evidently could not be reversed by either of us. BTW, I am not fishing for compliments, sympathy, or any allies in this struggle. Do not take sides, with me, my wife or anyone else. Let’s just keep this a simple statement of belief and position on a topic. OK? Alright, then here it is.

First question: Why is it that husbands and wives can not discuss issues that are so important to their relationship?

It would seem that all couples talk about all sorts of things. Most of the topics are so mundane as to not even need airing. But you let something happen that cuts to the very core of who a person is and that will lay dormant and not see the light of day directly. But, lying dormant does not mean benign. It festers like a cancer and fuels disputes and picks at the fabric of a relationship in everything that happens. This is so far down in the person’s mind that they often do not even know what it is that makes them feel the way they do. But, feel they do and all of you probably know just what I am talking about.
Just a post script for today entry. Got a couple of thought provoking comments and I thank the persons who took the time to share their thoughts. I am going to post a new question every Monday when I can think of one to post. On the other days of the week, you will just have to put up with my normal drivel. Got to put this one to an end so, nite peeps! Sleep tight and keep conserving the energy, the strategy is working.

madkitten 54F
291 posts
11/7/2005 5:53 am

I know just what you mean. My husband and I are having a go at repairing our relationship and now find that we have to talk to each other, we have made a rule that no subject is taboo, and nothing should fester that is talked about, if its something we dont agree on, then we either carry on talking until we find some common ground or we both agree that the subject will be buried and never spoken about again. (not sure if its going to work though)

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