Meeting the criteria  

SmartType 53F
560 posts
7/18/2006 3:20 pm

Last Read:
4/4/2009 5:42 pm

Meeting the criteria

I get some really funny emails - well funny in the sense that it's apparent a fellow hasn't read my profile. I got one the other day "Clamps and rimming are two things you gonna do with me". Wow what a thoughtful and well written email. I immediately wanted to take off my clothes and have this guy screw me. Then I thought, Self, I know this has you terribly worked up, but maybe you ought to look at his profile. Oh dear, my hopes of gratification were dashed as the 'criteria' had not been met! Gosh, the sweet quality of the email should have alerted me, but noooo. Sadly, as I gazed at his profile:
-55 years old: Doable if the right criteria are met, but I don't like blue pills
-a little extra padding: This is scary, is it a little extra padding like a teddy bear or like Dom DeLuise?
-5'10: Oh come on now, for every guy that I've met on here, I automatically subtract 3" when either 5'11 or 5'10 are used. It's kinda like when the age of 48 is used - add four years.
-Some college: Does this mean that you dropped out when your crazy Uncle Fred left you millions in an inheritance?
-Don't drink alcohol: Now that's it - I don't drink alone. How am I supposed to enjoy his scintillating company unless I'm numbed by a cocktail or two?

And then I got to thinking, what would we talk about. Gee, I'm really not fond of NASCAR or fishing. And, the camouflage I own is from when I served, not attire for shooting Bambi. It was with a heavy heart that I auto-replied "thanks but we're looking for different things".

So that being said, I think that the real women like me on this site, who do get emails such as this, need new auto replies for these types of solicitations:
- So you want an NSA - and I state I want an LTR, How about FOA (Fuck off Asshole)
- Educated means more than just 'some college' and if A&M is listed, you need to reconsider getting an education
- So you are a mature 23.....riiight, now go change your diaper
- Your wife is supportive of you doing this, well can she watch and then do my laundry?
- So you live in Katy, that's lovely, stay there.
-So you really dig older, smart women? Great, let me know when you can navigate yourself around a winelist as well as afford what's on it.
- An avid hunter and fisherman? Great go find yourself something to shoot and quit emailing me
- If that really is your penis then I suggest you return it for a better model
-So you have a talented tongue and can go on for hours? Awesome, I need my floor scrubbed.

Really folks, I'm not a bitch, and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who only want to have gratutitous sex, and clearly state so. But for those of us that take the time to write a profile with some clarity and class...Let's not get me started on the 'invitations' to networks...

rm_emergent5 58M
15 posts
7/18/2006 7:27 pm

Very funny. You should post this as your profile so you can get Network Invitations from teetotaling couples from College Station with him offering to lick your floor clean and her to fold your laundry. Save a mint on housekeepers.

Keep up the good blog.

SmartType replies on 7/18/2006 8:02 pm:
E, you are so kind. The college station option has an appeal - am in dire need of housekeeping services. Perhaps while they work on tidying things up - you could keep me entertained! Kidding.

tierratexas 53M

7/24/2006 3:55 pm

Neo also did not like the blue pill.
According to the new math of AdultFriendFinder, I am now 38 and 6'1".
I no longer know who Dale Jr. is.
Gig 'em, f-Aggies!

SmartType replies on 7/24/2006 4:34 pm:
T - you're irrepressible.

cockytexan 41M

7/25/2006 10:47 am

I have got to use the rimming line next time. Tooo bad he beat me too it.

SmartType replies on 7/25/2006 3:21 pm:
Cocky, I KNOW you're kidding. Engineers are far too creative than that. Behave!

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