struggles with air  

Skrem777 34M
0 posts
8/7/2006 9:54 pm

Last Read:
10/5/2006 10:17 pm

struggles with air

From the day we were born up until now we've had to struggle every day for things we want or believe in.
There could be no harder way for anyone to understand this than to be divided by that which one loves and which one cant have. I know a lady, she currently lives in Vancouver. She went to UBC to get into finance, marketing, and accounting. I'm proud of her for that choice and am always reminded of the choice I had made. Since then, I've found out she is gay. I can't say that im not a little crushed by hearing that news.

No memory I have can accumulate enough weight to overthrow these recent feelings of disdain for the way life has gone, and the lack of control I have over it. Each choice I've made up till now I've justified as the most logical and the best choice at the time for me. I should not regret the choices I've made but yet I feel like that was the first of a series of bad choices I've made.
Regretting past events is futile, but to live with the outcome of those events weighs heavy on me. It's been nearly 6 years since I've left and to this day, I love her as much as I did then.
The days are beginning to choke the life out of me. The sun beats down on me, scrutinizing me. The rain falls each drop a whisper of accusation for a decision I made which I now believe I never should have made. The air grows damp and hard to inhale, each breathe a struggle.

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