Ahhh, Depression...  

SincereSiren 43F
47 posts
7/26/2006 9:34 am
Ahhh, Depression...

Gotta love it.

The sailors profile was turned back on on the site I met him through and he was online yesterday so I guess it wasn't just that he was out of town but that he didn't want to see me again. Why couldn't he just say that instead of writing to tell me he wanted to get together again sometime?

I do not understand why people have such a problem being honest and I'm pretty sick of it.

I so wanted to send him a scathing email to that effect but I figure, what the fuck is the point?

Figures, the only guy I've met recently who I really, really liked and he didn't like me.

Story of my life.

I give up on all of this.

I'm so sad that most of the time I can't even see straight. I'm tired of being alone, tired of being lonely - I mean, even when I was with G, I was alone (because he had a live in girlfriend) so total time alone for me right now is going on 4 years.

4 fucking years alone. I think I've finally gone mad.

Not only did G break my heart but he broke my spirit as well. I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to give in this life. I'm so damaged and bitter that it's no wonder I can't find a decent, nice, attractive guy. The despair is probably rolling off me in giant waves; that and I'm so busy with work that I think men figure I wouldn't have time for them. The thing is, work is the only thing keeping me from putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger at this point.


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