What A Difference A Day Makes  

SilkenKiera 39F   
393 posts
4/6/2006 8:50 am

Last Read:
4/8/2006 6:43 pm

What A Difference A Day Makes

Yesterday I took the advice of many and had the discussion. It really didn't take my husband by surprise, my mood had indicated my unhappiness for days. The first question I got was "Is there someone else?" I actually tried not to laugh. My mind was so fucked up that a third person probably would have pushed me over the edge. Then I saw it, the look in his eyes that plainly said "hurt". I had a sinking feeling in my stomach because I was the one that put it there.

He went on to explain that shitty times come with the territory of any relationship, and wanted to know why I was so ready to bail when it would be the last thing on his mind if the tables were turned. I had no answer. I didn't even have a thought. All I said was is it always supposed to be this hard? Because I'm coming up with more bad memories then good. The look across his face was painful, then he got me. He said it's because that's the type of person I am. I always focus on the bad, and never give the good a second look. He's right.

We picked up take out then pulled into our driveway. We sat for a moment in his car, and the quiet was deafening. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide for 100 years. It startled me to think that they write sappy man-hater novels about husbands treating wives the way I was treating my husband. Then I decided that 100 years under that rock wasn't enough, and contemplated living under there for 200 years.

Skimming along rock bottom for a couple of days really does wonders for you if you use the experience wisely. I realized that as a support system for others that really need it, isn't up to par. It actually really sucks, and needs lots of work. Which was the next argument I made to him; "I don't like myself right now!" "How am I supposed to love and support you when I can't even do it for myself?" This little bullshit cop-out didn't really land the way I was hoping. In fact, it didn't land at all, because as soon as I said it, I realized how false it was. Of course I have self issues, who doesn't? Truth be told, I don't have enough of them to throw away the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Is he who I thought I'd marry? No, not really. Does he fit into my nice neat little package of expectations that are too high, so I'm told? No. But something tells me that I'm not really blowing him and his expectations away either.

He and I are just people. Just a couple of newlyweds (sort of) that haven't yet decided to take life by the balls and blaze our own path. Something tells me that blazing your own path isn't something that can be done until your ready, and not until you've been kicked around a little. As far as being kicked around, yeah some bad things have happened, but never before have I decided to be this re-committed to anything. Our relationship isn't broken, I was for a little bit. But what a difference a day makes.

Loosetooth 42M
1147 posts
4/6/2006 12:05 pm

What a difference talking to yer man makes, more like. You know I felt my first bit of emotion for you when reading this. Up til now we have just been looking at causal factors as a litmus for your relationship. And that is easy you know? A says to B 'I feel like this, is this cool?' and B takes it in and says 'yes' or 'no'. It is a trade on peoples judgements and experience, it is fine.

I reckon today though you have realised something, maybe for the first time, I dunno. Your marriage does not sound bad (although yous two should talk more) its just that life can be really, really crap. And I will be honest, life can be more crap than good.

Now that may aound really patronising but I did not realise this stuff til bout 26/27 (nice of people to tell you eh?). Til then I thought everyone else was living life at the same joyous pace of an episode of 'Beverly Hills 90210' and I was alone in thinking 'errrrrr scuse me'. Shit, imagine that. Anyways there is good to come from this terrible knowledge. Cos life can be so crappy and mundane and disappointing it really makes the good times shine, you know? Good times are always bettered when accompanied by a better half. Will it always be this hard? Swat they tell me but then it is the hardest won prizes that can prove to be the most satisfying. So good luck to you and your husband.

TrapsTomesSteed 43M
202 posts
4/6/2006 2:25 pm

I'm really glad you got it out in the open and you have a new outlook on it. I hope things continue on the upswing for you.

docdirk 49M

4/6/2006 5:18 pm

It is so good that the two of you were able to discuss your concerns in such a mature, rational manner. You are both better people than me. I tend to allow my emotions and hurt feelings dictate any such encounter. I guess that's why you two are going to make it: you both deserve it, and you are both good at it and getting better. If this ws the first "rough patch," congrats for getting through. Just think of how much easier getting over the next one will be!

Be good to yourself, and your hubby. I like it when you smile.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

firestarter665 43M/40F

4/6/2006 5:27 pm

I am happy for you that you took the first step into finding your answer. I hope all works out in the end.

blueguy1051 61M

4/7/2006 12:48 am

I wish you and your husband all the best.

rm_ohsolustful 59M
859 posts
4/7/2006 6:04 am

Good move Sweetheart...The truth is aways the best policy. It may be a rocky road but it will lead you to where you want to go. Best wishes and warmest regards to you, and lots of good luck as well....

dasher121 37M

4/7/2006 12:55 pm

well, glad to hear that you focused your perseption on things openly and used your time wisely as you said. And you are correct, we all have our issues and quirks. Everyone has some baggage in one form or another.

I was told a long time ago that if you search for story book perfection in a person you will always be alone. Because no one is perfect, we all have issues. The key is to find someone who's issues you can handle. Who you are willing to put up with when they go mental at times lol. And who will do the same for you,


seek_u_topia 52M

4/7/2006 7:23 pm

Sounds like you've grown a lot, and learned a few things about yourself and your relationship too. I'm glad for you.

Become a member to create a blog