history lesson  

Shinjuukun 34M
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2/7/2006 9:48 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

history lesson

Here is a little history lesson about some of the worst relationships I’ve had in my life. Everything in here is 100% true even though some of it sounds fictional.

About two years after graduating high school my ex-best friend introduced me to a beautiful woman named Shirley. I became close with her quickly, much to my regret, we had similar likes and dislikes and our personalities complimented each other very well. Shirley seemed innocent and kind on the surface but she turned out to be manipulative and cruel in nature. After helping her thru problems with her ex boyfriend I became emotionally attached to Shirley. All the while she was using my ex-best friend and dating him behind my back, ultimately she was only using him to meet her needs. Shirley clamed to have DID (disociative identity disorder) AKA Multiple personalities, which once she told me about this quirk the other “personalities” regularly came out when she was with me. One day when she was sad and I was giving her a hug she “Switched” grabbed a pen off my dresser and stabbed me in the shoulder. Shirley was not a dumb woman, and I am suspicious to weather she ever truly had D.I.D or that she was really using and manipulating everyone to meet her psychotic needs. Needless to say she would push me away and pull me back depending on her mood, it finally all ended when she went to West Virginia to go to college, and my ex-best friend moved to West Virginia with his family.

This incident still haunts me and I think it always will . I met a woman online around May 2005. She shared a picture with me and we began to talk. Her name was Emily we would talk often and I began to fall in love with her. She was "17" going to turn "18" on Oct 12. Witch wasn't that far away at the time. We got extremely close and the long distance relationship I had with her was killing me. I decided I was going to go be with her, but she hated her family so much she didn’t want me to see them. So she made a plan to come up here and live with me. She called me "on the way up here, as she passed the state line." Her voice was full of joy. I was so happy my dreams were coming true. A beautiful woman wanted to be with me "forever". Then her "little sister" came online. Emily had died in a car accident on her way up here. I was destroyed. I crumbled, crying for days wanting to die to be with her. My parents put me in a mental institution. I was there for 4 days, 3 of them no cloths, absolutely no privacy, horrible food, and the drugs. I admit the drugs are helping me a little. They don't take the pain away; they just keep me from reacting to it. I had the pain of losing someone I loved with all my heart and soul. I was home for about a week investigating Emily’s death, coming up with dead ends. And finally it happened... Emily broke down and told me the truth. There was no accident. She never died, she was 15 not 18, and that wasn't her in the picture. Everything was a lie. Even knowing it was all a lie my heart still aches like it was all true.

During my Second semester of college I met Sabrina in two of my classes. At first our conversations were the typical “Hi, how are you? Fine” type of pleasantries, but after a while Sabrina started opening up about her likes and dislikes, and her boyfriend. In hindsight I don’t know if what she was telling me was truthful concerning how verbally abusive her boy friend was at the time. So the more she talked, and the more I listened, the more I felt comfortable with her. I started to let my guard down and of course I became attracted to her. I was not in love, and knew that she wouldn’t be with me because she had a bf, but I was still confused. So I wrote about it in my live journal account to help me sort out my thoughts. And instead of marking it private I accidentally made it public. Well she read it, and instead of kindly saying something to the regards of “its not going to happen”, she flipped out and went wacko. The next day her boyfriend came to school acting all tough and trying to order me around, when he was told security was coming he ran. After security caught up with him and took him and Sabrina into there office I went home. I came into school the next day and administration called me into there office, I got asked what happened, and at that time I was clueless so I responded “I don’t know”. That’s when they informed me that Sabrina made formal accusations that I was stalking and harassing her. I was completely blindsided and didn’t know what to say. Considering since she flipped on me I hadn’t even said hi to her I still can’t see how she had any evidence to back this accusation up. Well after I proved my innocence (odd how your guilty until proven innocent in this country) I went on my way. Luckily I had made friends with every one in the office besides administration before this incident. Well needless to say she went into the office and reported every little thing I did, from standing in front of the candy machine trying to decide what to eat, to walking to the bathroom to take a shit. And she tried to bend every action of mine into stalking and watching her. I would have never been able to take preventative actions so I wouldn’t be brought up on criminal charges if the people in the office had not notified me of what Sabrina was doing.

So needless to say I have my reasons for not wanting any serious relationships with women.

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