Addict to sex or is it the chase???  

SexySquirterGirl 52F
391 posts
4/18/2005 2:59 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Addict to sex or is it the chase???

Unfortunately I am still thinking... Trying to figure myself out. I am now wondering if I am more addicted to the thrill of the chase, the attention and desire, the anticipation rather than the sex. I want the sex, need the sex, seem to go crazy when I am not having sex, always horny, thinking about it 24/7, touching myself and so on. But I sometimes drag my feet when making that first meeting, or making that first contact. If it was all about sex, I dont think I would do that. Over the past few months I can honestly say I have just about come to dread that first meeting as much as I can't wait for it to happen. I seem to have fallen into a slump of feeling let down after the initial high of having sex with someone new. I often think something is missing.. I can honestly say, that almost all of my first meetings have been awesome or so they seemed to me. Very sastifying and enjoyable, I always leave thinking the chemistry was there, excited and already looking forward to the next time. And then it happens.... I have a little time on my hands I am bored, something just doesnt feel right with myself, and I realize what it is.. I am no longer being chased. No more hot im sessions, or long phone calls. The newness already over... And why wouldnt it be??? This is of course an adult sex site. Why in world would the chasing continue once they have been with me? It's on to the next "new" encounter.. Why can't I be like this? Why do I take it so damn hard, when I no longer receive that atttention? Why can't I just move on to the next? Is it because deep down I am looking for more? I really dont think so... I have no desire to be in a commimented relationship, just to have alot of sex with someone.. I think the sex greatly improves as you get comfortable with someone. The nervousness of the first time out of the way, you can relax more and be yourself. Somewhere I am doing something wrong and I am not sure what it is.. Dont get me wrong, I am not being completely blown off by these encounters, we remain friends, still talk occasionally and there is the occassional hook up. Just no longer the chase, and I think that is the attention I crave.. I want to be desired. I want to be called at 100am and asked to come over for a booty call. Or have someone knock on my door at 9am for a quickie.. I want to be told that I am driving someone crazy with want and they are so horny they have to see me. But it doesnt really happen that way, not exactly. I know that I am desired, I feel sexy, just incrediably frustrated and lonely and so empty inside. And at a lost on what I should do about it! Input would be greatly appreciated.. Any ideas? Anyone reading more between the lines and think they know what my problem seem to be? Please comment, I wont be offended or hurt, just seeking advice... Hugs to all, SG

BlackSailorMan 52M
79 posts
4/18/2005 3:54 pm

The Chase can be exciting as long as you eventually give up the pussy! I was being led on a chase (wild one) by this one lady and she got pissed when I stopped chasing and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Take a break and let the excitment build back up!

1 post
4/19/2005 4:27 pm

I feel the same about 1st encounters; excited, yet really scared. I must say that with one onenighter I felt empty as well. I really didn't know who that person was emotionally; just physically. I can see how for a women the chase would be exhilarating to say the least. What with fawning over and oogling who wouldn't. As a man I'm ectatic when a women show any attention towards me, but for me its not the chase.

keithcancook 61M
18138 posts
4/23/2005 8:45 pm

I suppose that is the price to be paid this type of activity.

Tyrone_AZ 46M

7/30/2005 2:34 pm

It's not uncommon for people to enjoy the anticipation more than the meeting. One thing I've noticed about flirting online is the safety net. You can tell a person all kinds of deep sexual things and the person doesn't even have to know your last name. Walking away from an online relationship is easier too. Just shut off the computer.
Meeting in person is messy by comparison. Even getting a cup of coffee can be incredibly complicated, because at some point you know that you can never just "shut them off" again.
That said, learning to accept and trust people is a price worth paying. Online relationships based on that are the most fullfilling anyway.

Monterey4fun 44M

10/18/2005 12:27 pm

Another one I am glad to respond to! First of all, I think most of us feel very similar after the first meeting. We are rewarded for the chase, we get that attention which we needed, and are (at least temporarily) sexually fulfilled, if we do in fact get laid. Having an orgasm isn't hard, having our sexual and intimate needs met is a lot more than an orgasm. Having sex the first time after you hardly know someone might feel good for the short-term, but how does it leave you feeling afterwards? I've only had a single one-night stand, and it was not at all fulfilling. It was when I was lonely and still very much stuck on the last woman I had been with. There was no intimacy with the one-nighter, and I actually felt worse afterwards because there was no real connection. I think you are indeed fond of the chase, because during that time you feel like someone desires you and wants to be with you. Once the first sexual encounter has passed, you don't know if they desire you like they did before the encounter, so that is where the let-down comes in. So here's the catch.

If they are really into you, the "chase" will continue. The first time won't be enough for them, you stimulated them enough sexually and/or intellectually that they will keep after you. Things will continue between you if you BOTH still crave each other's attention and sexual interaction. I think a one-nighter and/or casual encounter means one or both of you lost that craving. You aren't necessarily looking for true love right now (although most of us are looking for it eventually), but you are looking for an intimacy that has the possibility of true love. One-nighters and casual encounters won't provide that.

I hope that helps!

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