Mourning in the morning.  

Seriously_Real 49M
1458 posts
3/24/2006 12:16 pm

Last Read:
3/26/2006 6:37 am

Mourning in the morning.

I woke up today knowing that I was going to take a step to end something that has been ended for some time. Those of you who know me, and know the history, know that this has been a long time coming. I know. She knows it somewhere, too. And ultimately, simply pronouncing it dead is a formality that must be done.

That does not make it less sad.

The poignancy of the moment is all the more when the heartbreaking struggle to revive it, to hold onto it, is recalled. Death has a way of sweeping us into the 5 stages quickly, particularly denial. The agonizing scenes of mothers, husbands, or other loved ones refusing to accept the stone cold fact of a loved one's premature departure rend my heart. In my mind's eye, I can see the husband or the father or the wife or the mother bending over the lifeless body, administering CPR, over and over and over. Pounding on the chest, willing the heart to restart. Over and over. Breathing empty air into non-responsive lungs. Over and again. And nothing happens. But they will not stop. They will not tire. They cannot accept the loss. They cannot accept that it is over.

That image breaks my heart with its passion and suffering. And so it is when I look back on what has ended. No amount of CPR, no amount of pounding on the lifeless body will revive it. But she and I kept at it, weeping, wailing, and shaking off suggestions of the obvious.

No more. Now comes the other four stages.

It is mourning. It must be done. It is the way of life. I can only hope that the soul of what was will live on, and haunt me and she occasionally with a smile. It was not all bad. It was simply not meant to last.

I go on. We go on. But for today, this moment, I will take a moment and reflect on what was and is no more.

I will always believe that all the good was worth the time of pain.

--Seriously (sad).


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
3/24/2006 1:34 pm

I'll put our music feuding aside for this one post, babe. Ironically, it's to reference another song. But the artist is good at both lyrics AND melody, so I think we're safe, lol.

I've been listening to It's Too Late by Carole King for over thirty years and have always thought it was a sad song. But then, about six months after my ex and I called the time of death on our relationship, I heard it again and really listened to it. And finally, after all those years, the third verse hit home.

Sounds really lame to just list lyrics in a post, but when you listen to the whole song, it's perfect. The first verse is the not wanting to admit it part, the second is trying to deal with it, there's a musical interlude that follows, and then this:

There'll be good times again for me and for you.
But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it's true?
Still I'm glad for what we had, and how I once loved you.


OK, musical truce coming to an end soon...

xo,
me

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 3/26/2006 6:38 am:
Thank you honey. That was very sweet, very true, and fitting.

(But I fear the musical truce may have been broken yesterday...)

jadedbabe78 107F

3/24/2006 1:55 pm

I know it isn't easy. And I know it's been tough.

Even with other areas coming together now, it still makes it tough and sad to accept something and go through the stages which you know you must do.

It happened for a reason. The beginning AND the end. You've started a new path. And in order to carry on the new path with good faith, you're doing the right thing by putting to rest what needed to be.

~Jadey


Seriously_Real replies on 3/26/2006 6:40 am:
Thank you, honey. I know you know how difficult this has all been, and I appreciate you saying that. I'll try to focus on all the good, and not the rest. MWAH

southrnpeach333 51F

3/24/2006 2:34 pm

Death is never easy whatever it's form.


Seriously_Real replies on 3/26/2006 6:40 am:
True that. Hugs.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
3/24/2006 4:37 pm

I am going through the same thing. And so true that "It was not all bad. It was simply not made to last". Always better if both people feel the same way..which is not always the case. I am on a new path too. Good luck to you.


Seriously_Real replies on 3/26/2006 6:41 am:
Perhaps I'm projecting, but I think I believe that any time a new path is chosen at such a cost, the new path has to be worth it. And in this instance, mine is and will be. I want that for you, too.

JustaSeeker 107F

3/24/2006 7:31 pm

"The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can seee a noble image of yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

It took strength to admit this and do it. You know where I am if you need me.


Seriously_Real replies on 3/26/2006 6:43 am:
It was damn sure hard to do, Justa. But it was the right thing, and I have no regrets. It will be all good eventually.

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