Mourning ends in the morning...  

Seriously_Real 49M
1458 posts
6/15/2006 1:51 pm

Last Read:
6/27/2006 7:03 am

Mourning ends in the morning...

So two days ago, I said I'd blog less, climb off the rock, and go downstream. I was in a horrific funk, facing the end of the marriage, troubles at work due to my lack of motivation, and so forth. So I stayed more away that I usually do, though I did keep up with blogs I frequent.

That night, I had a bit of a crisis about the divorce, an internal crisis that was born of the question "Why can't I seem to let this the fuck go?" Part of me wondered why it was that I could not bear the thought of ending it. Most of that part was wondering if it was because I was still in love with my ex, who you have never heard and will never hear a bad word about. She is a wonderful, remarkable woman. It doesn't help that she's hotter and hornier now than she's ever been, and is having sport-sex with a 26 year old boy-toy. So in light of all of that, there was some jealousy, some "what the fuck am I doing," blah blah.

I of course shared all this with My Imaginary, who, naturally, was taken a bit aback by it. Who wouldn't be? Here we are in the nascent stages of something that may well be indescribably good, and suddenly I'm looking all wobbly because I am not over my ex. My Imaginary and I had never really had to face anything even resembling "adversity" or such, and suddenly there is the single biggest obstacle we might ever face.

I've learned a lot over the past six months. And part of what I've learned is to be fearlessly honest, and just say things like they are. So I did so, with My Imaginary, talking through what was going on in my head about my ex. I did so without regard to how My Imaginary would take it, too, because that's the fearless part. I did not shade or sugarcoat, because that's the honest part. It was a risky thing to do, but I had to take the chance.

Good news on that front, people. First, in talking it through with My Imaginary, I was able to identify the source of my issues with the Ex. I realized that what I really wanted was to be free of her without missing her or romanticizing what we had, etc. I wanted to be a part of her life without wanting to be IN it. I did NOT want to "try again" again once more over for the THIRD fucking time. I did not want to do anything other than move on without feeling bad about it. THAT was what was really going on.

In the course of realizing all that, of course, there was the reaction of My Imaginary to deal with. It stung her, of course, because she digs me and I dig her. The baggage and the pain and the whatever was palpable for a while and she responded to that by being, well, a little scared of me. (Gee, ya THINK?) This is where it gets interesting, actually, because she could have said "You know? I think maybe you're a little too fucked up for me to deal with, still." Or she could have said "Yeah. I'm not buying what you're selling. Come back to me in a few months and let's see what's what."

But that's not what she said. She laid out everything on her mind and heart about what she'd heard me say. She did not sugarcoat, and did not spare my feelings. She was fearlessly honest. And at the end, there was a point where she basically had to decide whether to trust me and keep her eyes open, or hide from me and protect herself.

She decided to stay and let me work through my issues with her still in my life. She was NOT going to leave me alone while I work the shit out, but wants to hang around and be there if needed. After all, we are what we are and this thing she and I have going will be what it will be as long as neither one of us gets in its way. So we resolved to remain honest and above-board about all such things, to pay attention, and continue to let this thing she and I have develop at its own pace.

And so it was that I immediately felt a sense of relief about everything. I had identified the source of the problem, dealt with it, and been honest. She had been honest about it, and still wanted to stick around with me and see what was what. I felt liberated.

I woke up yesterday morning with a new attitude and approach. I was no longer feeling sad about the divorce, but optimistic about the forward progress of my life. I was ready to start over, fresh, honestly.

The morning started off with a bang. Literally. She got up before me, let the dogs out, and then came back to the bed and attacked me. Damn already, people, it was...well...yeah. Damn. Like...I mean, it was....oh, fucking hell...hard to describe. Just damn already.

Somehow I found the strength to get up, get back to my place to get showered, dressed and ready for work. She was on IM, and we chatted. She starts taunting me with her sexiness again, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know she's at my place before work for Round 2. Oh my. She's a giver, people. She's a giver. Damn. Did I say that yet? Geez-o-fuckin'-pete, this woman is something else. Okay then. *Mops brow*

The day then went on, and the divorce occurred. I posted my post about it. And then I was free. Really free. Liberated. Even optimistic.

I decided to take her to dinner to celebrate. She had a surprise in store.

I don't know that this has ever actually happened to me before, but I'll tell you that she has thigh-high black stockings. And a short-ish skirt. She decided to wear both, simultaneously, without anything else underneath. Dinner was great, but the ride home was even better. Heh. (She agrees.)

And then there was the night at my place. After we had essentially dehydrated ourselves, we went to the kitchen to get something to drink, and I fired up the laptop. She saw all the sweet comments from you all on the "Time of Death" post, how each of you were sending good thoughts to me so I could handle this difficult time well. She agreed that it was extremely sweet, and then, suppressing a giggle, said "As for me, I'd say that fucking your brains out for four hours appears to be handling it pretty well."

This is not to say that sex cures everything, or is even a good substitute for mourning. I'm just saying that the mourning period has actually been about six months long, and yesterday, once I felt free, I started my new life off with several bangs. And I'm telling you, it gets better every time.

In fact, this new life is looking pretty fucking good already. (More on that later, when enough earth-days have passed.) I am happy, and at peace. And I am damn near close to balanced again, too.

Thank you to all of you who offered condolences on the passing of my marriage. Now -- who wants to have a wake?

--Seriously


OcelotScratch 49M
286 posts
6/15/2006 2:13 pm

Good luck with everything. I'm at the beginning of the same process that you're coming out of, though I think that there's a real possibility that we'll get back together.


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:21 am:
I can only say that not getting back with her was the right thing for me. It was broken and there was nothing to be done about it. Old habits, patterns, pains....it was not going to go back to where it was. It never can.

If it can be saved, I do believe you should try. But if it cannot, you will have to be fearless in admitting that.

Good luck Ocelot, and thanks for stopping by.

sugurkat2 38F

6/15/2006 2:20 pm

Great attitude. I personally am glad to see you are moving on with your life. You took an appropriate amount of grieving time and now you can proceed in a healthy kind of way. Grief is both underrated and overrate. Those of us who try to dive into our lives full throttle from the get go have the rwong idea and those who stretch out their pain over periods of years are doing too much! Congrats!!!


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:23 am:
Everyone has to find their own way in this...it is not always easy to know when you are truly ready, either. For me, I'm a gun-jumper...but this time I know. And that's good.

Thank you for your words, and thanks for stopping by.

caressmewell 54F

6/15/2006 3:07 pm

Why not have a party celebrating new beginnings?


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:23 am:
You know, I think I'm going to have to do just that....hmm.

frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
6/15/2006 4:23 pm

I like her taste in clothes....same outfit I wore on Wednesday night...hehe!!

Keep looking forward.

Frangi x


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:24 am:
She noticed your profile pic for the first time today, after your comment, and I had to tell her that you didn't put that pic up just for me....and yes, Frangi, it's a great look, eh?

sexyariesgirl 59F

6/15/2006 4:59 pm

*Smiling*

Power To FOK


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:24 am:
Oh, you don't know the half of it....thanks, Aries.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
6/15/2006 5:07 pm

I really like it when you're happy...it really shows in your writing and I just read with a big smile on my face.
From what you describe, I must assume that Your Imaginary is "orally superior"...I remember that from one of your previous posts.
You have very nice things to say about your ex, and that's really nice.
My future ex is the father of my children, so I can't really say anything bad about him in front of my kids. But in my mind, well, that's another thing. I just know I will not mourn the end, because well, he treated me like shit emotionally.
But I am glad you are onto new beginnings. Love you, you know that.


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:26 am:
Love you, too, Sister Real. I am, indeed, very happy. And she is, indeed, orally superior. (Funny you should mention that prior post....I'm assuming you mean my "list" in which, well, oral skills figured prominently. She read it, and wins. Superior doesn't even BEGIN to describe it.....but how did you know? )

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
6/15/2006 5:15 pm

Not enough sleep to read this. Just want you to know I clicked through.


Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:27 am:
I'm just glad you stopped by. My guess is that you'd probably yell at me if you read it carefully, so I'm glad you skimmed....

MoonRise9 59M

6/15/2006 5:29 pm

Party on Garth...


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:27 am:
*SCHWING*

Smooth_GaL 35F  
424 posts
6/15/2006 8:21 pm

When ure happy it does seriously show in ure writting So where is the party

{=}Smooth{=}


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:29 am:
I have a feeling the party is at my place, and it's a pool party....sigh. It's a tough life....

OboesHonedIambs 63F

6/15/2006 8:30 pm

Yay, you! Glad you figured it out. And your Imaginary is pretty smart.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:31 am:
I am glad about it too, abg....and yes, she's smart. Smarter than me, in fact, though she disagrees with me. I let her think so because it's good for my ego, but the facts is what the facts is.

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/16/2006 4:15 am

Glad your Imaginary could do what many of us would have liked to...haha
As for the wake? Only if it's an Irish wake with lots of good music and alchohol, any excuse for a party.
Glad you're turned a new leaf.
{=}LeeAnn


Kisses,
LA


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 5:12 am:
I appreciate your willingness to help me out....unfortunately, she's kinda tapping me out....I would want to be at my best, but if I've had my essence drained (and swallowed (heh)) then I can't be at my best....

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
6/16/2006 7:45 am

AHA!!! The Imaginary makes an appearance!! The comment about just makes me LOL....the smart one. Too funny.


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 7:51 am:
There's a whole lotta LOL-ing going on around us, actually. She's the one who outed herself, not me. So there.

Addy19742 44F

6/16/2006 10:53 am

Wow! I wish I lived closer. You sound like a great guy whose headed in the right place. Good Luck!


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:54 pm:
They have planes that fly in and out of Atlanta all the ding-dang time, you know.....heh. Thanks for stopping by. And as for heading in the right direction, right or wrong I'm going there at full speed. It's all I know to do....

Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:54 pm:
(but I think I have a good idea where is is I'm heading in fact, and it's DAYUM good...)

rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
6/16/2006 10:59 am

I dunno about a wake but I'm thinking maybe I should go recruit my own Imaginary...


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 12:58 pm:
Well, Core...truth be told, you don't recruit Imaginaries. See, the first thing you have to do is establish a LONG LONG track record of falling head over heels in love, losing your mind, getting crushed like a bug under a H2, and then dusting yourself off and do it again. Oh, and you also have to have a big group of people who love love love you and are so very sweet to you that they warn you that you're about to do something stupid, like fall head over heels in love, lose your mind, and get crushed like a bug. Again.

So once you have those things in place, then you gotta go find you someone who is pretty, hot, smart, funny, voracious, and captivating. Then you have to blog about her (or him, if you want, whatever). Then you have to endure the withering screams of aforesaid friends telling you that you're making the same damn mistakes all over again.

And THEN he/she gets to become a "hey, y'all, I'm just kidding. She's/He's actually Imaginary."

That's how it's done. Q.E.D.

sweetSinn2690
2943 posts
6/16/2006 11:16 am

Sounds like you have life by the balls again...embrace it!!!!
xoxo


Oh WHATEVER BITCHES!


Seriously_Real replies on 6/16/2006 1:00 pm:
That's so sweet, Sinn. Thank you honey. Yes, I think I might actually be onto something here. But don't tell anyone. They all think I might be crazy (as in "doing the same thing but expecting different results" kind of crazy).

Embrace it? Hell, I'm embracing it, licking it, fucking the shit out of it, then bringing it flowers and coffee. It's been good to me that way....

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/16/2006 2:13 pm

I think the hardest thing I had to when I lost my first wife was to learn to be alone. That I could live with myself and being alone was not the end of the world. Not something you want all the time, but something you have to be able to do before you can be with others again.
Chin up and good luck
steve


Kisses,
LA


Seriously_Real replies on 6/17/2006 7:15 am:
Thanks for the words, Steve. Like I said above, I really think I've been in mourning for about 6 months, and while I've not been totally alone in that time, there have been times when I've experienced the alone and the okay with it. It is interesting, too....for the first time in my life that I'm aware, in late May I was actually okay with being alone. Of course, right around that time I found this Imaginary one, and now I have someone to spend my time with, and that's all good. I have the chin up, and the luck right now is damn good, so far as I can tell....*knocks on nearest available wood*

ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
6/26/2006 10:06 pm

Sounds like a perfectly wonderful way to "get on" with things... pun intended.

Artistic


Seriously_Real replies on 6/27/2006 7:05 am:
Yes, Lawd....

Become a member to create a blog